I was once married to a man. But I found true happiness with my wife

When I heard the news that Chris Tarrant's daughter Fia has found love with a woman, I was absolutely happy for her. Fia, who is 37, has followed her father's career in radio broadcasting, working as a presenter for Heart FM. She was previously married to a man and has an eight-year-old son, Haris.

Her love life is no one's business and she had every right to keep her dating partners hidden, but I'm so glad she chose to announce her new love with a statement on social media.

It couldn't have been an easy decision – and I should know it. In my early twenties, I got engaged to my long-term boyfriend. There was never any question of me being homosexual, and I had never been even remotely attracted to women.

But completely unexpectedly, I fell in love with another straight woman during my master's studies. The feelings – for both of us – came out of nowhere.

I still loved my fiancé – he was my first real relationship – but this new love was very different and I was very confused about what these new intense feelings meant.

My family was shocked when I tried to cancel the wedding. They were furious and especially concerned about what people would think.

I was told that this was 'just a phase', that I couldn't be gay because I 'didn't look like a lesbian' and that I needed to 'get a grip on myself' and focus on living a 'normal' life. living with my husband-to-be. He agreed.

I was so young. I listened to them, cut all ties with the woman and tried to carry on as if nothing had ever happened, just to keep the peace.

If I had fallen for a man, I'm sure things would have been very different.

That was 25 years ago, and at the time the only openly gay role models I knew were Elton John, Freddie Mercury and Kenneth Williams. Country singer Kd Lang was the only woman, but not someone I could identify with. I certainly couldn't think of any gay women in the public eye who looked like me.

My marriage inevitably ended after just 18 months. We had a wonderful decade together and I thank my husband for everything he taught me, but of course the marriage should never have happened; it was tense from the start.

I slowly realized that I wanted to date exclusively women, and each time I was in a relationship, I became more and more confident in talking openly about my female partner, both in my private and professional life.

I have been fortunate that in the circles I move in, I have always been completely accepted for who I really am.

However, I understand that this is unfortunately not the case for everyone.

I met my partner Sharon when we were both invited to be judges at a corporate event. She was also a business executive who, like me, had previously been married to a man, but who also happened to be gay.

We immediately hit it off and knew this was something special and we quickly knew we wanted to become a family unit together. We got married in 2016 with Sharon's son Jake as best man. I'm now 46, Sharon is 54 and Jake is 19 and we couldn't be happier.

Living with and loving another woman means there are no gender roles: one of us has to fix the fence, sort the car, take out the trash, and mow the lawn. It is quite liberating because you naturally let go of social constructions and develop your own dynamics together. For me, the connection is so much more intense: women get women, and men get men.

It's also interesting that many gay women stay in touch with our female exes – when a previous relationship ends, we don't seem to break that emotional intimacy. Some of my best friends started out as romantic relationships. It seems wonderfully civilized, and this is a common theme among many gay women.

Unfortunately, we haven't had an easy time with our families.

For some people – even today – same-sex relationships are simply 'not normal'. I believe this is partly because there are still so few positive stereotypes in the public eye that can normalize the situation.

Fia Tarrant's mother Ingrid appears to be supportive of her new relationship, reportedly saying: 'The most important thing is that people are happy.' I'm so happy. Fia is very lucky.

One in five young people in Britain now identify as gay or bisexual. So Fia's revelation should no longer be shocking.

She posted on Instagram a sweet photo of her holding hands with her new partner, captioning it: 'Time to open that closet door!'.

I know she's just using an old expression, but it frustrates me to think that the idea of ​​a closet still exists. No one would blink if Fia announced a new relationship with a man. But things like this still raise eyebrows, even if the response is sometimes positive.

Last year I posted one of my wedding photos on the social media platform LinkedIn because I decided it might be good if more women had visibly gay role models like us.

There are so many gay couples living happily, successfully, and surrounded by loving family and friends who simply don't feel the need to shout about their sexuality.

You wouldn't necessarily know they were gay. But it struck me that, unfortunately, we may have to show how okay it is. I wanted other professionals to look at me and my wife and see that you don't have to pretend to be straight to be successful.

I hope my revelation makes life – at home or at work – easier for other women.

It's just a simple photo of me standing next to Sharon on our wedding day, both in our beautiful ivory wedding dresses, each holding a bouquet of white flowers. We look so blissfully happy together – and that's because we are.

I was surprised by the response. That photo has been shared and reposted around the world, has been viewed by over 2.5 million people, and I have been inundated with thousands of wonderful comments and messages.

A woman messaged me to say that her teenage daughter had recently told her she was gay and that she had immediately thought of me and that hearing my story had made her less concerned about the situation.

I feel like it did something good.

Like Fia's announcement, this all contributes to 'normalizing' the idea of ​​same-sex relationships among those remaining segments of the population who still find it unusual or unconventional.

No one should have to hide who they are or pretend to be someone they are not. I wish her all the best in her new relationship. Welcome to the sisterhood, Fia, and thank you.

EMMA HEATHCOTE-JAMES is founder and CEO of the Little Soap Company.

As told to LOUISE ATKINSON