DEAR JANE: My boyfriend is shocked by my “disgusting” habit, but I thought every woman did it

Dear Jane,

My boyfriend of two years spends a lot of time at my apartment in New York – mainly because I don’t have a roommate and he does.

Granted, my house is small, but it’s much nicer overall.

Of course, this means he shares the limited kitchen space, as well as my small bathroom. But overall we lived together very well.

That was until recently, when he mentioned something he found in the shower and it led to a rather awkward moment.

My friend was planning to wash his hair, but said he saw I was out of shampoo and conditioner, so decided to wait until the next day.

However, when he showered the next morning, the bottles were still empty. The next day it was the same story… and the next day.

Ultimately, I had to admit that I only wash my hair once a week at most.

My boyfriend is shocked by my ‘disgusting’ habit, but I thought every woman did it.

The fact is that I have thick hair and it is a nightmare to wash it myself. It doesn’t really get greasy either.

I make good money and one of my favorite “self-care” treats is an expensive salon wash and blow dry every other week. I usually wait for the hairdresser to do the laundry.

I always thought this was pretty common girl behavior, but my boyfriend was shocked when I told him.

He said it’s ‘disgusting’ that I wash my hair so rarely and claimed none of his previous lovers were that ‘unclean’.

Now he brings it up when we’re out with friends. He seems to enjoy asking my various girlfriends how often they wash their hair – and even asks his male friends what their partners do.

Honestly, it all feels humiliating.

My friends all have different hair types, none of them follow the same washing schedule and I find his reaction childish.

But now I’m wondering if I should wash my hair more often. He made me question my sense of hygiene.

By,

Smelly locks

International bestselling author Jane Green provides sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column about Aunt’s agony

Dear Stinky Lures,

I’m so sorry you were embarrassed by your friend.

As someone who also has very thick hair, I know how time-consuming washing, drying and styling can be. And how often the whole process is not even necessary.

Hair that is particularly thick and curly does not get greasy easily and usually looks exactly the same for a few days or more after a visit to the salon.

Hair maestro John Frieda agrees that there is no clear answer to the question of how often hair should be washed, and that people with thicker hair don’t need to wash it as often.

In short, you are doing absolutely nothing wrong.

Your friend’s behavior, on the other hand, is something that needs to be addressed.

The fact that he judges you so harshly, not only to your face but also in front of others, is extremely problematic. This is not the kind of treatment I would expect from someone who is supposed to love and care about you.

The first thing I would do is find an authoritative article online about how often you should wash your hair and then show it to your boyfriend, while also clearly explaining how you feel when he calls your routine “disgusting” and repeatedly says talk about with your friends.

Instead of using ‘you’ sentences, as in ‘You make me feel’ or ‘You embarrass me if’, use what we call ‘I’ sentences: ‘I’m embarrassed if you…’

In healthy relationships, people care when they hurt their partner, even unintentionally. We often don’t realize how throwaway comments have affected our loved ones until they are addressed.

I hope once you bring this up with him he will stop. Otherwise there could be a deeper problem here.

However, I should add that just because he’s acting like an idiot doesn’t mean you should let it get to you.

Ultimately, it is up to us what we allow to bring us down and what we can rise above.

You could just accept that your friend can be a bit of a fool – and then decide whether or not you want to put up with it.