SAUCY SECRETS: My boyfriend’s sudden obsession gives me the creeps. Why are so many men doing this now?

Dear Jana,

Is it normal for my partner to take a long time to finish having sex? He can hold it for more than 30 minutes and wears it like a badge of honor. I’ll be bored within 10 minutes and want to wrap it up. How long is ‘normal’ and are there any tips or guidelines to help get this started? I’m starting to get over the endless harping.

Luc.

Dear Luce,

I think you and I speak for all women when we say, “Guys, can you get along?” Unless you go downtown first before treating us to a delicious medium to long trunk, we really don’t want to be there all day. And don’t get me wrong, sex is an amazing experience – honestly, I can’t get enough of it – but I totally understand you.

I hate to break it to you, but if your partner is holding out for this long, chances are he already had some “special alone time” with himself earlier that day and that’s why he’s not racing to the finish line. A morning handjob does wonders for later stamina.

So maybe move your night marathons to a morning quickie. Within three to five minutes he’s a happy guy and hopefully you enjoyed a morning orgasm. What better way to start the day?

Alternatively, I find that some good old-fashioned dirty talk mid-thrust really gets them to the finish line. Put one extra naughty thought in his head while he’s enjoying you and he’ll apologize profusely for his quick departure before you know it.

And as for the hammering, sit the guy down and brutally tell him exactly what you want him to do. Start with, “I’d really like to try…” and suggest something more exciting than his usual thrusting routine. Jackhammers are intended for workplaces, not the bedroom.

Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking gives her trademark cheeky advice to Australians who need help with their love life – or lack thereof

Dear Jana,

My boyfriend has a sudden obsession with becoming an influencer, and it’s giving me the creeps. He films himself constantly, spends way too much time fixing his hair and has even stopped posting pictures of us because he says being ‘single’ will help him grow his following.

The thing is, he only has 5,000 followers, and I’m pretty sure most of them are fake. What really bugs me, though, is that it feels like his entire personality has changed. It’s like everything we do now has to revolve around his ‘content’ and I miss the days when we could just hang out without him planning the perfect photo.

How do I deal with this without losing my patience — or feeling like I’m dating a wannabe reality star instead of the person I fell for?

Anonymously.

Oh, anonymous. I, ick, ick!

Last night I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram Reels when my algorithm got stuck on “hot men pouting at the camera with a cut-and-paste quote underneath.” And nothing turns a man from a ten to a five faster than admiring his reflection in the mirror while quoting Gandhi.

You signed up for a boyfriend, not a Kardashian-in-training, so let’s deal with the “being single helps the brand” nonsense first. If he values ​​chasing influence more than building a healthy relationship, it’s time for a reality check – preferably one without a ring light.

Maybe start by gently pointing out that his sudden dreams of influencer stardom convey a “thirsty” feeling. Ask him what he really hopes to achieve with all of this. Is it a real passion or just a phase fueled by too many TikTok gurus promising him fame in 30 days?

If it’s the former, great – maybe you can help him balance his goals while making time for a normal relationship. But if it’s the latter, remind him that no one wants to watch a wannabe influencer erase his girlfriend in the name of “engagement.” How did the world become so boring?

And if he’s not willing to compromise, maybe you should start posting about how great it is to be single your personal growth. Turn the tables on that loser!

But I think once he realizes how much work actually goes into being an influencer, he’ll see it as a passing phase. I’ve been on a journey with influencers, and it’s really not as exciting as it sounds. It is a full-time job that requires constant attention. Snoring. Hopefully he gets bored.

Jana gives sage advice to a young woman whose boyfriend wants to become an influencer

Dear Jana,

Last month I met someone while attending a wedding in the Hunter Valley. We hit it off immediately and ended up spending the weekend together, talking about everything from our shared dreams to the possibility of making it work despite the distance. He’s based in Dubai, but his company has projects in Australia, so getting closer isn’t entirely out of the question.

For now, we’re planning visits to see each other, but I’m a hopeless romantic who gets attached easily and the idea of ​​long distance already feels scary. Should I focus on this connection or continue dating locally? I have a few dates a month here in Sydney, and although I haven’t found anyone special, meeting him feels like a turning point. Could he really be the one, or am I rushing?

Sal.

Oh Sal, how I love a wedding date! People say oysters are an aphrodisiac, but I think weddings are the real MVPs.

Okay, let’s dive right in: should you focus on the connection or keep dating locally? In the immortal words of my favorite El Paso taco commercial, “Why not both?” Just like choosing between a hard or soft shell taco, the answer is surprisingly simple.

Put your energy into the wedding boy by making solid plans to see each other and explore where things could go. At the same time, keep your options open because let’s face it, your knight in shining armor might be waiting just around the corner. Moreover, it is always nice to have a distraction, so that the heart is not in the foreground. I find dating multiple people is the greatest equalizer.

Until this man locks you up and says, “Let’s go officially,” the world is still your oyster. (Don’t ask me why I keep talking about oysters, I’m clearly having a hot day). You’re not cheating Dubai Guy by keeping your options open while you figure this out. Think of it as protecting your heart while you see if this fairytale connection has legs outside the marriage bubble. Because everyone looks dreamy in the wedding bubble.

So I wholeheartedly say: give it a try with Mr. Dubai, but keep your feet on the ground. If he’s really the one, he’ll make it clear – and you don’t have to guess. Until then, keep dating and enjoy the ride. Sometimes the “one” isn’t the man at the end of the aisle, but the one who shows up when it comes to real life, and not just wedding magic. Keep that grill going until someone gives you a good reason to stop – preferably with a diamond ring in hand.