Ulrika reveals exactly what she’ll be doing on her first Christmas day alone

LAST Christmas I couldn’t have said a word about the festivities.

I was wrapped in a heavy cloak of negativity, resentment and indifference about the whole thing. To say I was right, Bah Humbug, was the understatement of the century.

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It was completely strange because normally this time of year I have tinsel and turkey running through my veins.

If Santa Claus himself had proposed, I would have swam through hot mulled wine to make him my fourth husband.

I was the personification of Mrs. Christmas – a passionate lover of all food, gifts, decorations and, most of all, being together.

But last year I got the upper hand. It had caused me too many problems, and external problems were designed to continually bring me down.

I couldn’t muster even an ounce of half-hearted enthusiasm for it.

I went through the motions on autopilot, for the sake of others.

By the time I arrived on Boxing Day, I glanced at the tree which suggested it would be on its ear the next morning.

This year, however, I am making the biggest change in the 57 years that I have marked the birth of baby Jesus.

Christmas Day, in just over a week’s time, will indeed look very different than before, as I will be home alone.

On my own. By myself. All on my tod. Unaccompanied, untethered and, if you like, lonely.

This year was a year of enormous changes.

I almost lost my mind from anxiety and alcohol. I was struggling very hard to cope with a life that I didn’t feel equipped enough for.

Every day was like wading through a sea of ​​molasses and I honestly wasn’t sure if I would even experience Christmas this year.

I held on by the skin of my teeth, with only alcohol as medicine for my broken soul.

Until I discovered that alcohol was not the solution. It wasn’t even the problem. I had to change myself if I wanted to continue.

I did that and I am now a little over six months sober.

So it felt fitting that I spent Christmas Day alone. Not to wallow in some kind of perverse, self-indulgent pity party, but simply because it’s nice to escape from human life and life for a while.

My broken soul

No, I have not been abandoned or rejected by family or friends and in no way am I a tragic, abandoned character.

I designed it this way. I don’t shy away from family, nor do I do it to arouse pity or sympathy.

It just feels good. Like something I really wanted to do – and maybe even had to do. You don’t have to have children, a large family or a large number of friends to make Christmas Christmassy.

Many people spend the holidays happily alone. Others may be alone for entirely more tragic reasons. For many, this time of year is a sharp reminder of loved ones they have lost.

It is a period when parents are forced to share their children.

There are people who don’t have nice, warm homes full of food and twinkling lights and have no choice but to go it alone, with emotional pain, loss and loneliness.

The tricky thing about Christmas is that it is so steeped in tradition.

But what no one prepares you for is that as the years go by and your children grow up, leave home and start plowing their own furrows, rituals and conventions fall by the wayside.

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Life changes. And you have little time to adapt.

As a mother of four, it was sometimes painful to witness the change in the form of Christmas; it was very emotional. With husbands coming and going, the festive season has not always lived up to its name.

I can’t help but think of the poor souls who will be choked and suffocated by odious members of an extended family.

I’m grateful that I’m not in a strained relationship that’s on the brink of collapse, which means Christmas is more likely to be endured than enjoyed.

And I feel blessed that I don’t have to serve anyone hand and foot, or travel anywhere, or listen to other people’s angry opinions – or just listen to their breathing.

I’m glad I don’t have to watch the clock, hoping people will leave so I can sit down and relax.

Instead – and I may have a romantic idea of ​​how things will go – I will have absolute autonomy during the day. I will be able to wear what I want, eat what I want and look what I want.

The only plans I have for today are some fresh air – heaven permitting – disgusting food, lighting some scented candles, some streaming, which will definitely involve Gavin and Stacey, and then I plan to just be.

I’ll be alone, but I won’t be lonely.

Ulrika Jonsson

I must have seen three of my kids the day before (the other one works abroad), so that alone won’t leave me hungry.

The only fear I have is of course alcohol. It’s an incredibly exciting time of year as everywhere you go you’re encouraged to enjoy a drink.

Not drinking is always considered boring, but at Christmas you might think it’s actually illegal. In years past, Christmas Eve was a bloodbath in my house, as we were all a little too eager to prove our Swedishness by downing shots of schnapps and singing drinking songs.

It’s a tradition. And it has always been the best Christmas day for all of us. I had always benefited from a full house.

I orchestrated vibrant Christmas Eve parties to mark the Swedish holiday, with children and adults running wild.

An endless stream of alcohol and Slade force even the most reluctant feet to the living room floor. Mistletoe in every doorway and gigantic, groaning buffets labored over by yours truly.

An excellent throuple

My excitement was difficult to control and knew no bounds.

For me this year it’s shots of water or another soft drink. I will have to dig deep to hold on tightly to my precious sobriety during this time.

But I am confident that I can do it because it has made such a positive change in my life that I have no intention of giving it up now that I have come this far.

If I say I’ll be all alone this Christmas, I’m obviously lying.

I may not have a boyfriend, partner or husband whose hand I can hold or kiss under the mistletoe, but I will have two slightly rambunctious canines sharing my couch.

I’m looking after a friend’s dog for two weeks because that’s the kind of friend I am – and then I have my own idiot bulldog, Hank.

We will also make a nice throuple. They’ll probably pester me for treats and a dog walk, which I’ll happily succumb to.

At least I will remain a bachelor, unwilling to mingle or settle for the company of anyone just because I’m afraid of being alone.

I’ll be alone, but I won’t be lonely.

I’m pretty sure there are a few people who would give their eye teeth just to have some space and a breather on Christmas Day. And I’d love to invite you, but please don’t come!

And for those who are spending a forced Christmas alone for whatever reason, know that you are not alone. We can be alone together.