Behind Caeleb Dressel’s Olympic return is ‘a work in progress’ to rekindle his love for swimming

Follow our Olympic Games coverage in the run-up to the Paris Olympics.

The brilliance of Caeleb Dressel’s seven gold medals might suggest otherwise, but he knows that swimming can be a cruel and suffocating sport.

He is, without a doubt, one of the best in the world at what he does, sprinting from one end of the pool to the other (and sometimes back again). He holds the world record in the men’s 100-meter butterfly, having first wrested that historic distinction from Michael Phelps in 2019. Back then, Dressel broke his world record in the event at the Tokyo Olympics, where he won five gold medals in five events.

Despite everything, Dressel felt miserable.

He was fixated on where he felt he had failed. In one race it was the turn. In another it was the finish. His lead position. It didn’t matter that he had touched the wall first time and time again. It didn’t matter that he had taken home gold and helped Team USA top the medal table. He was chasing perfection. He was chasing times and stretch goals. He hadn’t met them.

“I’ve created a monster inside of me — just so caught up in perfectionism,” he told former Olympians Missy Franklin and Katie Hoff on their podcast “Unfiltered Waters.” “So caught up in, ‘If I don’t see these times, it means I’m a bad person, or I didn’t train hard enough. If I don’t get a world record, it means … I’m not obsessing enough.'”

The sport he loved as a kid because it was so much fun was the opposite. And it had been that way for years. But Dressel kept pushing himself and listened to his inner critic tearing himself apart.

Until he “broke,” he says now. He abruptly withdrew in the middle of the 2022 World Championships in Budapest and disappeared from the sport for eight months.

Dressel hasn’t gone into much detail about that period in his life in Gainesville, Florida, other than to say he spent a lot of time with his therapist. His wife, Meghan, was there for him, too, though she also realized that Dressel had a lot of conversations going on inside his own head. Some days, he didn’t do much. Most days, he avoided routes that took him past the University of Florida swimming pool. He didn’t want to smell the chlorine.

He had to figure out who he was past his prime and what motivated him outside the pool. He had to reorient himself, how he thought others thought of him and why they loved him. He had to learn to laugh again.

The journey hasn’t been easy, and the progress hasn’t always been a straight line. But it’s what makes Dressel, 27, who he is today as a swimmer and a person (and a new father). It’s also why he’s back in the pool, heading to Paris, a headliner for Team USA and perhaps the most important piece of the puzzle for the U.S. swim team as it tries to win the meet by taking home more gold medals than his peers. There’s outside pressure, yes. But inside his head, Dressel’s biggest critic is quieter.

“It’s really tough,” Dressel said The Athletics last month. “It’s in me — you always want to look for ways to get better. I still do that, but I don’t get so obsessed with it that I lose sight of what’s actually fun about the sport. It’s hard and it’s not like I just discovered it this year. There are things I’m really proud of that I’ve done differently, like being able to enjoy parts of the sport without beating myself up about not being perfect.

“It’s still a work in progress.”

Caeleb Dressel won five gold medals at the Tokyo Olympics. But a year later, he retired from the sport. It’s still “a work in progress,” he said of his return. (Tim Clayton/Corbis via Getty Images)

Dressel sounds like someone who has discovered a lot about himself through therapy. One of the first things he will tell you is how helpful his regular appointments with his therapist have been.

“I’ve tried not to be so fixated on results and just enjoy racing and training — those are the two parts of the sport that I really enjoy,” Dressel said. “There are parts of the sport that I really don’t like, that I really hate. But it’s worth accepting for the parts that I really enjoy. It’s a balance; I don’t expect every part of the sport to be the best it’s ever been for me. But I’ve really focused on the parts of the sport that I do enjoy.

“That’s the biggest difference for me. I’ve always loved training. I’ve always loved the team. The actual racing part is really fun for me — once the gun goes off, it’s just fun. So I’ve tried to keep it just swimming. Just swimming this year.”

Dressel will swim only the 50-meter freestyle and 100-meter butterfly as individual events at the Games, and he will likely compete in multiple relays. At the U.S. Olympic trials in Indianapolis, he finished third in the 100-meter freestyle final, costing him the chance to defend his gold medal in that event in Paris.

But he’s happy to be on the Olympic team. He’s proud of what he accomplished at the trials to qualify. He’s excited that his baby son, August, got to see it all, held in Meghan’s arms in the stands.

“Nobody can take that away from him,” Dressel said in Indianapolis. “He’s not going to remember it. I’m going to tell him, believe me, I have pictures so I can prove it. … That was a really special moment. Meghan knows what it takes, not only the parenting side of things, but she gets to see firsthand the struggles that come with sports.

“The tears that come with it, the frustration and then also the highlights, and to be able to share that with them, because they experience that too — that was really special, that August was able to see that.”

Meghan shared a video of Dressel with baby August at Olympic training camp in North Carolina this month, another moment captured and preserved to commemorate a once-in-a-lifetime moment. They will also be in Paris, along with Dressel’s parents and family. Dressel said he wouldn’t be where he is without their support. And he certainly wouldn’t be where he is without Meghan, who he calls the “superhero” of their family.

Parenting is wonderful for so many reasons, but perhaps the most important lesson you learn from it is one of perspective – especially for someone who has spent most of their life chasing time and perfection that doesn’t and can’t exist.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever have a best time ever again, and that’s hard to say out loud. It really is,” Dressel said. “When you’re 19, 20, 21, you just keep going, going, going. I’m still working harder than ever, finding every path I can to shave off those few tenths. But I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do that. I’m really good at racing. If you put me in a race, I’m going to make it as close as I can, even if I have to kill myself to get there. I’m going to put myself in those situations.”

So he doesn’t know exactly how Paris will go. But he knows he’s older, wiser and genuinely happier than he was before the last Olympics. Others see it too, and not just when he splays across the track line after a race or hits the water in celebration.

“He’s always had that smile,” said seven-time gold medalist and University of Florida training partner Katie Ledecky. “He took that time away and when he came back, he had that smile every day. Just to see his progress over the last year, how he’s gotten better and better every race — he just seems to love the race and he probably loves the training more than the race, and that makes everyone around him better.”

It will also make one of the best swimmers in the world better. And that’s why that smile is as good as gold, no matter what medal hangs around Dressel’s neck.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever do a best time again, and that’s hard to say out loud,” said Caeleb Dressel, who will try in Paris, starting later this month. (Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)

(Top illustration: Dan Goldfarb / The Athletics; photo: Sarah Stier / Getty Images)