The deadly Ozempic dating stories that you will make of the ‘Wonder’ weight loss Jabs for life – including the sex confession of a woman who should be a reason for divorce: sealed section

It used to be that simple.

You would meet someone, go on a date, order a pizza, share a bottle of red, perhaps end the night in the sheets – half -naked, giggling, tipsy and full of carbohydrates.

Those were the days. But now …

You meet someone, go on a date, they order sparkling water and a kale salad that they hardly touch while they explain that all the food makes them nauseous and sex is ‘a bit too tiring now, sorry’ and you realize you … Oh, they are on Ozempic.

Or Wegovy. Or Mounjaro. Choose your poison.

Welcome to the deadly world of ‘Ozempic Dating’ where everyone is beautiful … but anxious, mild constipated and not for a shag.

For those who have lived under a rock, Ozempic is the so -called ‘Miracle drug’ that is originally used to treat type 2 diabetes That now moonlights like the trendy new way to drop pounds faster than you can say, “Check, please!”

And first listen, I didn’t care.

I was even one of the many women in the eastern suburbs of Sydney, anxiously looking for a Dodgy doctor to give me a recipe – before he realized that it also sells you alcohol, and nobody gets my joy away from a Friday night Martini. Nobody.

And it really doesn’t bother me what people put in their bodies or how they lose weight.

But then something started to happen.

My dates stopped eating. Men started to cancel dinner plans because ‘eating is a bit much now’. A friend told me that he would rather walk in the traffic than eating a croissant ‘.

I think that was the first time that I really feared for society.

So I asked my loyal and outspoken followers of social media: Are you going out with someone with Ozempic? Or are you on Ozempic and do you try to date? Tell me everything.

The reactions rolled to the same customers who swarm an all-you-can-eat buffet.

A story of a woman sent chills over my back …

“We had flirted for weeks. He finally asked me. I was gained, did an “everything” shower (shaved, exfoliated, hair mask) and even wore heels. We went to a wine bar and he said, “I don’t drink or eat; I am on Ozempic.”

“We sat there while I was nervous in a steak and he stared at me as if I understood a hate crime.”

A shattered woman told me:

“I thought my husband played cheating. His sexual drive had completely disappeared. I checked his phone, looked for condoms – nothing. Then I found the pen in his sports bag. When I asked him about it, he just shrugged and said, “Yes, I don’t think about sex anymore”.

“I said,” Cool, shall I just marry a houseplant instead? ” After a furious fight, he finally got it and our sex life was resumed, but it was touch and went there for a while. ‘

One friend sent me a voice note that could only be described as a fully-fledged foodie-meltdown:

‘The next f ** King person who invites me for lunch or dinner and says they are full after looking at a salad, I will kill them. Can people just eat f ** king? No wonder that restaurants close; Half of Sydney is on Ozempic or Cola. ‘

He is a passionate veteran for cook and hospitality, and seriously, he is not wrong. The city is full, it seems, from hot people with hollow stomachs and a fear of food.

The next one left me a little traumatized, not because of the Ozempic use himself, but because the man who told the story did not seem to realize that he was the bad guy.

“I have ozempic for my wife.

‘She was a size 6–8 but obsessed with her weight and figure. I went to my doctor and asked for it. I am 44 and 107 kg. I used to be a competitive swimmer with four percent body fat. But I wander … ‘

He told me that he did blood work and a thyroid scan – where they even lay on a risk of cancer – before the script was transferred. And despite the fact that he went through it and got the script under his name, while let his skinny woman use the Jabs.

“I had been pricking her for six months now.

‘But our time together is now more about Ozempic and intimacy. It is demoralizing when a prescribed medicine becomes more important than your marriage.

“I find it interesting that people who don’t need it consume the most.”

Sorry, friend. You are the one who bought it fraudulently, received the recipe and puts the needle in your girlfriend. If we point out fingers here, start with those who hold the syringe.

Another woman confessed:

‘I lost ten kilos and my will to live.

‘I loved long lunches and Sunday morning sex with my husband. Now I just go to the gym and avoid eye contact. My abdominal muscles look great, but my soul is dead. ‘

This is the thing that nobody tells you about the new ‘Hot People Drug’. It makes you thin, yes, but it can also make you tired, moody, nauseous and – sometimes – sexless.

It is the human version of placing yourself in the low battery mode. You look good. But everything else is … weak.

And listen, like a child from the 90s ‘heroin chic’ era, I understand. The pressure to be thin – especially for women – is tiring. We are praised for shrinking, congratulations on choosing the salad, told that we ‘glow’ while we are actually hungry and furious.

I hang my head in shame while I remember that I noticed a friend last week: “You look so thin!” While I grabbed her waist. It was the highest compliment, but it shouldn’t have been.

But when the collective libido of a city starts to dry up faster than a vodka Martini, we must have a long, look hard at ourselves.

Because perhaps, very perhaps, the answer to happiness is not abs with six packs and a resting heartbeat of 55. Maybe it’s cheese. Or sex. Or have it failed and order dessert.

Ozempic is perhaps the most popular accessory of the season. But from where I am, the side effects include a complete collapse of romance and joy.

And that is just too high a price to pay.