I’m a gardening expert – shower curtains are tacky and don’t copy the viral lawn trend

SUN Gardening editor Veronica Lorraine gives you tips on how to solve TEN garden crimes in a budget-friendly way.

Crazy paving

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I can’t imagine there’s anything good about having a pile of messy colored tiles in your yard.

They’re so old-fashioned – and a surefire way to instantly give your outdoor space a new look.

SOLUTION: Buy some masonry paint (tins start at £4 at B&Q) and cover the ‘madness’ with calming colours.

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Try to match the paint to the furniture or colors of your kitchen.

It’s a great way to bring the indoors outside.

Shower curtains

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THIS utterly mind-boggling new trend sees people hanging patterned shower curtains in their gardens as a backdrop against a wall.

It should resemble Greek ruins or a beautiful countryside view of rolling green hills.

Unfortunately, I disagree.

This craze may be very current, but it already looks disturbingly old.

In addition, shower curtains rot, releasing microplastics into the environment.

And it’s nearly impossible to hang them in any way that looks even remotely authentic or realistic as a background.

SOLUTION: If you have an area you want to hide or cover, buy some climbing plants, such as a £15.95 Clematis Montana from Gardening Express – and be patient.

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It is good for the environment and for pollinators.

It is soothing and if you choose fast growing plants, the wall will be covered within one season.

Rattan furniture

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I don’t recommend that you replace all of your garden furniture right away.

But it’s worth remembering that rattan furniture is starting to look a bit old-fashioned.

Much of it is plastic – boo! – and it can look very bulky, making your outdoor space seem smaller.

SOLUTION: Think of a chic patio set.

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Or try rope garden furniture, which is almost transparent and gives the impression that the outdoor space is larger – whether in your garden or on your balcony.

You can buy this stylish six-seater patio set at B&M for £100, instead of £150.

Statue fountains

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They might remind you of that vacation you took in Rome 20 years ago, but there’s nothing cool about a naked cherub with water dripping from his mouth.

Chances are you had to fix the little thing in one place, like near the water pipe, and you haven’t been able to move it for almost twenty years.

Nobody wants that.

SOLUTION: Fill your favorite shallow planter with water and place a solar fountain inside the pot.

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Birds and insects will love it.

Plus, you can swap and change it whenever you feel like it

Artificial grass lawn

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Artificial grass once seemed like a great idea: it’s easy to install, looks great all year round, and requires much less work than a real lawn.

But now we know that artificial grass fields are bad for the environment and ecosystems. They kill the soil underneath and they start to stink if you have dogs.

There’s no excuse to have one anymore.

SOLUTION: Buy a box of Miracle-Gro grass seed for £6.99 from Amazon and grow some grass, please.

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Alternatively, Homebase sells five rolls of turf for £25.

You can easily create a gravel garden with small stones.

Or make a clover lawn from seed (£7.99, Amazon).

It is a strong, perennial lawn that does not need to be mowed very often and does not require much effort.

Moreover, they are good for the environment.

Plastic swing balls

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THESE kitschy accessories would probably have looked stunning in the pristine, sculpted gardens of villas that resembled those of footballers’ wives in the early noughties.

But they are bad for the environment, the chains rust and, more importantly, they just don’t look good.

SOLUTION: Instead, buy a beautiful hanging basket and fill it with pretty flowers.

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You can reuse the basket, change the color regularly and they are very good for pollinators.

They look very charming, unlike the gloomy, superficial old balls.

Multi-colored outdoor lighting

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You’re not a clown, so your garden doesn’t have to look like a circus.

Not only are multi-colored lights very 90s, the plug-in versions also cost a fortune to run.

Moreover, the different colours are not exactly flattering for the plants when they light up in the evening.

SOLUTION: Buy strings of solar lights in soft white (£6, B&M) and hang them artistically in trees or around your balcony, if you have one.

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You can also buy the lights on a wire and wrap them around tree trunks. They look nice that way at night.

I bought a pair of these on Amazon in 2022 for £13.99 and they are still good.

Pampas grass

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This is said to be the ultimate 80s plant, a sure sign that you and your partner are avid swingers.

It may look beautiful for a small portion of the year, but those leaves are deadly and can cut you badly if you walk past them.

Moreover, it is a beast that needs constant pruning.

SOLUTION: Buy a Fatsia Japonica plant.

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With its large, glossy leaves, it brings a tropical touch to your outdoor space, regardless of size.

Oh, and they are very easy to care for and will last through the winter.

Homebase has a good one for £14. Sit back and watch it grow.

Large ornaments

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I think of windmills, flamingos, dragons, animals with big eyes or eyes lit by the sun and all life-size creatures.

It’s just a no.

Your garden should not look like a mini golf course, but a place where you can escape from the madness of everyday life.

Having a large elephant staring at you across the lawn is not conducive to your peace of mind.

SOLUTION: Subtlety is key. If you must have a large animal, buy one in colors that match the garden.

Or, if you want to attract the attention of your guests, you can create striking, beautiful borders with coordinated plants and colours.

Other options include choosing large plants such as palms or bananas, adding beautiful butterfly perches, or installing a soothing water feature.

Amazon has a lot to offer for less than a tenner.

Garden gnomes

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PLASTIC, cheap, tasteless, creepy and outdated – the list of reasons not to have any of these little creatures in your garden is endless.

Unless they’re there for sentimental reasons, it’s just weird to see little grinning men lurking behind the bushes.

SOLUTION: If you’re going to have brightly colored figurines in your yard, at least get the kids involved and make them look cute.

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Asda have ‘paint your own’ fairies for £5, which are a lot less intimidating and will encourage your little ones to get away from their screens and show off their artistic skills.