SAUCY SECRETS: I found my wife surprisingly attractive until she did something that made me instantly sick. I feel like I’ve been catfished and don’t know if I can stay…

Dear Jana,

My partner has always had long blonde hair, which I found incredibly attractive. But recently she came home with a boyish pixie cut that was dyed brown, and her new look is really butch. She also works out intensively and her body has changed significantly.

I’m struggling with these changes and I’m finding myself less attracted to her which is really bothering me. I want to talk to her about my feelings but I don’t want to come across as insensitive or sexist.

How can I approach this conversation in a way that respects her choices but also addresses how I feel? I didn’t sign up to marry someone who looks more like a man than a woman and I feel like I’ve been catfished by my own wife!

Anonymously

Dear anonymous,

Oh man, don’t bring up the fact that you think she “looks more like a man.” I repeat, don’t!

All that results in is chaos, tears and divorce papers.

Jana Hocking offers advice to three Australians who find themselves in a series of uncomfortable and disturbing situations

But… I’m not going to lie. I feel for you. I even compare it to the time I got fatfished when my date turned out to be at least 40 pounds heavier than his online dating photos.

You are going through the motions of feeling betrayed, resentful and frankly, resentful! But that is where the similarities end I am afraid, because you have not been catfished by your wife. When you met her she looked a certain way and like all interesting people, as she has gotten older she has moved on to new interests and ways of expressing herself through her image. Well, bravo for wanting to discuss this with your wife without hurting her feelings, I will definitely give you kudos for that. So here is what you want to do – when you talk to her, think of it as sharing a feeling, not a complaint.

I would approach it with curiosity rather than criticism (we women are pretty sensitive when it comes to our appearance!). I would say something like, “Hey, I see you’ve changed things up a bit and I’m having a hard time keeping up. Is there something to this new look?” But again, do NOT tell her she looks butch. See if you can relate to her new vibe.

All long term relationships will have a few twists and turns during their time, and you just hit one. Who knows, maybe it’s just a phase and she’ll grow out of it. All women love to experiment with their looks – I still shudder when I think about my horrible ‘fringe’ phase. It doesn’t mean it’s forever.

Cheers to embracing the unexpected and having a woman brave enough to try a new look.

Dear Jana,

My brother and his new wife are very affectionate towards each other, and it gives the whole family the creeps at family parties. They kiss like teenagers, slap each other on the butt, and use a lot of innuendo when they talk to each other in front of everyone.

I find it very inappropriate, especially in front of my children who should not be exposed to such sexual energy. How do I tell them to keep their cool in public?

Anonymously

“All long-term relationships will have a few plot twists along the way,” Jana said

Dear Anonymous,

Ugh! It’s annoying for Kourtney and Travis and I’m not a fan! There’s something so viscerally gross about hearing people kiss with all that saliva and lip smacking. It’s disregarding the people around them, and you’re right – it’s very inappropriate. Contrary to the advice I gave the lord before you, I would just tell them outright.

I’d say, “Guys, get crazy! You’re disgusting everyone around you!” If they don’t stop, kick them out and cancel all family invitations until they get their horny hormones in order. There’s nothing wrong with making out during your own couples time (I honestly love it!), but in public it’s just plain rude.

Tell them to leave their sexy games at the door.

Dear Jana,

I hope you can help me because I don’t know what to do. My husband started taking Viagra. I was away for a night recently and he had a “work meeting”. When I got home I noticed one was missing.

I think he’s secretly seeing someone from work. I don’t know what to do or say. I know he’ll deny anything happened, but my gut tells me otherwise. We used to spoon every night, now I get a quick goodnight kiss. There’s no intimacy. I’m devastated. Please help me.

Anonymously

Oh anonymous,

I’m sorry to say that the evidence is not in your favor on this one. I completely understand why you feel a little irritated and suspicious.

But let’s look at other factors that could be at play. Unlike women, whose sex drives tend to increase with age—hello, brazen 40-year-olds—men’s tend to decline. So that could be why the intimacy in your relationship has declined.

Maybe he wanted to try Viagra himself, just to be ‘alone’ for a bit, if you know what I mean.

I imagine losing the uhm… power… of your old buddy can feel pretty daunting (pun intended) if you’re looking to ‘relieve some tension’, so maybe he used it for a solo adventure?

Last question – Have you had a pixie cut like the lady in the previous question? Apparently that’s a real boner killer. Sorry, I shouldn’t joke.

But before we jump to conclusions, maybe talk about your sexual urges and dig a little deeper to see if he still sees himself as a stallion, or more like an old mare turned out to pasture. You’d be surprised what a conversation can reveal.

If all else fails, go through his phone. (I’m kidding, I’m kidding, a little).