I could have died weeks before the surrogate had my baby – I lived because of my brother

MAGDA Barton, 36, manager of an online learning company, lives in Edinburgh with her husband Tom, 37, a university lecturer, and their daughter Hannah, 22 months old.

“When the midwife passed my newborn baby, I held her and promptly burst into tears. My husband Tom and I couldn’t believe that after years of struggling, we finally had the baby we’d been dreaming of. It was all thanks to our surrogate Sarah* and my brother Maciej – who risked his health to give me a life-saving kidney.

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Tom and I met when we were 18 and we knew we wanted children.

After we got married in August 2013, we tried, but after three years I still wasn’t pregnant.

The tests were inconclusive, which was very frustrating.

In 2016 I started experiencing vision problems.

It turned out I had an undiagnosed autoimmune disease that had led to premature kidney failure.

Fortunately, it was stabilized with medication and I would have to continue taking it indefinitely, but no one could predict if and when my kidney function would deteriorate.

The doctors said I would eventually need a transplant, which was a huge shock, but I stayed positive.

The desire to have a child overrode everything and we saw no reason why we could no longer be parents.

In the meantime, I was referred for IVF by the NHS and two years later I started the procedure.

However, my kidney function declined from 30% to 15% and our gynecologist advised me against carrying a child myself and suggested that we find a surrogate mother.

It wasn’t an easy decision, but apart from being tired, I felt well enough. So we opted for IVF, where my eggs were harvested and embryos were created.

Sarah, who was in her 40s, got in touch and explained that she had already been a surrogate for two couples. Her family was complete and she wanted to help others.

In 2021, we joined the Facebook group Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy (COTS).

Before we were approved to join the private surrogate matching group, we had to provide a certificate of good conduct and rules of conduct. We also had to create a profile detailing what kind of people we were and why we wanted to start a family. This would make a surrogate feel like we met her criteria.

Sarah, who was in her forties, contacted me and told me that she had been a surrogate mother for two couples. Her family was complete and she wanted to help others.

I was put on the transplant list

Before I met her in August, we had chatted online and we got along really well.

Later she met Tom and introduced us to her husband.

We all agreed it could work and signed the papers.

COTS supported us throughout the entire process and made the whole process a lot less stressful.

The embryo transfer took place in March 2021 and two weeks later we did a pregnancy test on Sarah, which was positive.

Countless tears of joy were shed.

We were in constant contact with Sarah during her pregnancy.

We sat with her, talked to the baby and supported her in every way we could.

We paid all her expenses, including physical therapy, travel and time off from work, from our savings.

But a few months later I started to feel more and more tired.

Tests showed that my kidney function had deteriorated to the point where I was in terminal stage. I was put on the transplant list, which was very frightening.

Tests showed that my kidney function had deteriorated to the point that I was in terminal stage.

The best chance of finding a match for me was a family member, so my younger brother Maciej, 35, and my parents insisted they get tested.

Maciej was a perfect match and he was eager to move on.

I was worried about his young family and didn’t want to risk his health, but despite everything he was adamant. I was so grateful.

Ten weeks before our baby was due to be born, we were given the transplant date and the surgery was scheduled for September 20th.

I was so worried: what if it didn’t work?

Would I meet our daughter?

What if something goes wrong with Maciej?

Fortunately, everything went according to plan: my body accepted the kidney without any problems and Maciej also recovered well.

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On November 11, 2022, Tom and I were with Sarah when our daughter Hannah was born.

It was the best moment of my life.

My kidney is now functioning excellently and Hannah is a real asset.

Tom and I will be eternally grateful to Sarah, who we still see regularly, and to my brother, to whom I am now closer than ever.

That these two people would give us such a gift is unbelievable – I will never be able to thank them enough.”

• Name has been changed
• Words: Donna Smiley & Matthew Barbour
• Photography: Anna Kowalik
• Source: **University of Kent & My Surrogacy Journey