I’m making a two-year ‘exit plan’ to divorce my husband – I need to get the house
As she sat alone, Sandy found her thoughts racing uncontrollably.
As a mother and wife, she now faced the most challenging plan she had ever conceived.
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After thirteen years of what had once been a strong marriage and with two children to consider, Sandy had come to the heartbreaking realization that she no longer wanted to be with her husband.
Not immediately, but in two years.
For the mother, it is a decision that should not be taken hastily, but is born of deep reflection and the realization that their paths could no longer be reconciled.
The woman, who decided to remain anonymous, took to an online forum Mothernet to ask others for advice on how to come up with a two-year “exit plan.”
She explained that despite her husband being a good man, she secretly wants to plan a breakup and drive him out of the house.
Sandy explained that she wanted to live an independent life and that she prefers every moment of her life without him.
She wrote, “I’m not in a big hurry, but I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with my dear husband.
“He is a good man and we have been a good parenting team for thirteen years (we have two lovely children), but I know that when they start needing us less, I want my own life.
“We have very little in common and completely different hobbies and interests.
“I think about it all the time, but other than that my life is pretty good (good job, good friends, enjoy my activities when I can fit them in) and I know I’m generally lucky.
“I dream of living an independent life and love time alone or time with just the kids (actually I prefer time without him).
“I hope I can last there until both children go to high school.”
Sandy then explained what her priorities are.
These were intended to ‘minimize the pain and disruption to children, and minimize the pain to my dear husband’, as ‘he doesn’t deserve it’.
Either way, this is a pretty harsh way of life to choose
Mumsnet comment
She also revealed that she thinks her husband is “unsuspecting” about her thoughts.
Sandy continues: “He basically had his version of a perfect life. I would like to help him find a happy future without me.”
She also wants to make sure she can find a way to pay for and keep the house.
Sandy continues: “We both earn about the same. Can anyone give me some good advice to help me with my exit plan?”
However, her post received mixed reactions as other mothers rushed to the comments section to share their thoughts.
One wrote: ‘I think planning a divorce in secret for two years is a pretty good way to avoid anger, bitterness and hurt.
I really don’t want to hurt him, so I have to love him, right?
Sandy
“Imagine if someone you loved was planning this on you.”
But Sandy defended herself by replying, “Why hurt him unnecessarily?
“If I mess up, it can be more painful than if I do it thoughtfully.”
A second wrote: “This seems incredibly cruel. If you want to leave, do so.
‘Don’t string him along for another two years if he thinks you have a happy marriage. Poor guy.”
A third said: ‘If you’re sure your marriage is over, at best you’re robbing your husband of two years in which he could move on, or at worst you’re trying to find ways to advance yourself financially at his expense.
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Signs that your relationship is heading for divorce
- Persistent communication disruptions
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversations can indicate deep-rooted problems. - Emotional distance
Feeling more like roommates than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent criticism and contempt
Frequently criticizing each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye rolling, or mocking, can erode the foundation of the relationship. - Unresolved conflicts
Recurring arguments about the same issues without any resolution may indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it’s broken and beyond repair, it could be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different life goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices or family planning, can create insurmountable chasms. - Avoidance
If you prefer to spend time alone rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, it may indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of support
Not feeling supported, emotionally, financially or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can put a strain on the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper problems in the relationship. - Changes in affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.
“Either way, this is a pretty harsh way of life you’re choosing.”
A fourth added: “My advice is to talk to him now about the fact that you don’t feel happy.
“Don’t say I’m leaving you, but plant the seed that you don’t feel will last happily ever after.
“Then don’t wait too long, do you have a spare room (we slept in separate rooms for a few months)?
“I also think you should give less priority to keeping the house. It’s easier to assume you have to sell. It’s not fair to ask him to wait for his equity. He needs to be able to wipe the slate clean Also assume that it will be 50/50 without ongoing child support.
‘Do you still feel the same? Do you make decent money?”
But Sandy replied: “Wow, I (naively) didn’t expect such an immediate response.
“My biggest concern is to avoid pain everywhere.
‘But I see where everyone is coming from. It makes me sick to think of him reading this.
“I really don’t want to hurt him, so I have to love him, right?”
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