I gave birth alone after my baby’s father died in his sleep at age 39
A mother has revealed she was forced to give birth alone after her partner tragically died when he was just eight weeks pregnant – and she wasn’t even able to put him on the birth certificate.
Alex Leggatt, 28, had only just found out she was pregnant when her partner, Jody Murphy, 39, died suddenly in his sleep in December 2020.
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She says she had an “easy” pregnancy until Jody’s death, but struggled with morning sickness and weight loss in the months that followed — all while helping plan his funeral.
Her son Malone, now three, asks why his father doesn’t pick him up from kindergarten – and also when he’s “coming back from heaven.”
But Alex cannot add Jody to Malone’s birth certificate – because she “can’t afford” to pay for a parentage declaration which costs a minimum of £365.
Alex, a full-time mother from Boston, Lincolnshire, said: “It was clear: Jody really wanted to be a dad, he filled his flat with toys before his death.
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“He wouldn’t miss Malone’s birth for the world – that boy is his legacy.
“It’s been really hard raising Malone as a widowed mother, thinking about all the milestones Jody is missing.”
Jody and Alex knew each other all their lives, as their families were close friends.
But it wasn’t until May 2020, when Jody left a 15-year relationship, that he asked Alex out.
Due to Covid restrictions, the pair could only sit in the McDonald’s car park and eat chicken nuggets on their first date, but Alex described it as ‘romantic’.
“McDonald’s had just reopened in Peterborough,” Alex said.
“We sat in the car and ate 20 McNuggets.
“Other days we went to the coast. We were on and off for about two months until he finally asked me to be his girlfriend.”
Jody and Alex officially became a couple in August 2020 and were together for three months.
Alex says that at the time, Jody was open about how much he wanted to have a baby.
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“He was almost 40 and definitely wanted a baby,” Alex said.
“At first I said I didn’t want any more children, but that quickly changed when I found out I was pregnant.”
On November 9, 2020, Alex discovered she was four weeks pregnant – and Jody was ‘so happy’ and rushed to call his ‘Nanny’ May, 90, to tell her news.
But just four weeks later, on December 6, Alex received devastating news from Jody’s family.
She said: “I was at home in the morning and Jody’s girlfriend called me.
“She said, ‘Alex, Jody is dead.’
“She told me he went to a friend’s house, went to sleep and died.
‘I didn’t believe her, there was nothing wrong with him.
“And to be honest, Jody was a hypochondriac; he would have gone straight to the hospital if he was sick.
“I walked to his house and his cousin came out. I said, ‘Is it true?’
“The police advised me not to go in because of the way he looked on the ground and the fact that I was pregnant.
‘But I managed to get in, I saw him there, and the last thing I remember was him bursting into screams.
“The next The time I saw him was in a coffin, at his funeral.”
Alex says Jody’s family doesn’t want to upset her with details of his death, even three years later, but she believes he had an undiagnosed heart condition.
Alex says she felt Malone’s first kicks during the eulogy at Jody’s funeral.
She immediately turned to Jody’s mother, Theresa, 55, and let her feel.
They both found it “very upsetting – and devastating to be without Jody”.
Alex gave birth to Malone alone on July 3, 2021 at 5:40 PM. He was born at Pilgrim Hospital, Boston, weighing 5 lbs.
“Our families have been very supportive, but no one was with me when I gave birth to our son,” Alex said.
“I remember walking to Jody’s nanny May’s house after the birth, with Malone’s car seat in hand.
“We both burst into tears.”
Three years later, Malone realizes that Jody is in “heaven” but still asks Alex when his father will return.
Alex continually sees similarities between the two – including his “love of being spoiled by Nanny May”.
He knows that if Alex asks him if he wants to “see daddy”, they will go to his gravestone.
She added: “Malone gives his dad serious gifts like flowers and a Spiderman scooter.
‘He knows where his father is, but if he sees them being picked up by their father near friends, he will ask why daddy isn’t coming to pick him up.
“It’s heartbreaking. I just can’t figure out what to say when he asks me.”
Despite her heartbreak, Alex says she was unable to add Jody to Malone’s birth certificate.
A registrar told her she had to obtain a declaration of parentage through the court, which would cost at least £365.
“Jody didn’t know he was going to die,” Alex said.
“All he wanted was to be a father and now he’s not even on Malone’s birth certificate.
“Many people do not have money to pay for a parental declaration.
“You must be able to prove it by bringing a relative of the deceased to the registry office.”
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