SUCCESSFUL SECRETS: My lover’s risky sex request makes me afraid for my health. My friends say they all do it. Am I just paranoid?

Dear Jana,

I’m stuck in a situationship with a guy I really want to sleep with, but he refuses to wear a condom. He swears he won’t sleep with anyone else, but since we’re not dating exclusively, that could change at any time.

His indifference to safe sex makes me worry that I’ve contracted something every time we sleep together. He keeps telling me to relax and that he’s never been with someone who is so concerned about contracting an STD, which makes me feel like I’m just being paranoid.

I would love to continue sleeping with him, but I don’t think I can handle the fear. How do I convince him to wear protection? Or should I just loosen up a bit? My three best friends never use them and have avoided any trouble so far.

Jess.

Oh Jess,

As someone who also harbors a deep-seated fear of contracting STDs, my heart (and non-itchy loins) go out to you.

This is what you need to do… RUN! Yes, run faster than you can say “gonorrhea outbreak!” This man is an idiot who clearly has no respect for your health – or his own – and no empathy for your very valid concerns.

Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking gives her trademark cheeky advice to Australians who need help with their love life – or lack thereof

What this man (or should I say man-child) is doing to you is a clear example of gaslighting. All you ask him to do is put a thin layer of latex on his cock before you give him the honor of having sex with you – and he tells you you’re paranoid? Uh-uh, not today, Satan. I hate that he makes you feel like you’re the one with the problem. Believe me, that’s not the case.

Herpes is for life; such men are not.

Oh, and your three girlfriends who claim to have avoided STDs despite having condomless sex… yeah, they’re probably lying. STD rates are currently higher than ever. They lurk everywhere. And it’s not just the usual suspects who got them. There are plenty of wonderful, educated, successful women who risked everything for a man they trusted and ended up seeing a doctor.

So sure, he might be great in bed – but guess what, there are a ton of guys who like it in bed AND are responsible. Your body will thank you for it.

Dear Jana,

I recently started listening to erotic audiobooks and it’s made me realize that my husband and I really don’t have a challenging sex life. Is everyone having sex from the rafters or do most people just go through the motions like hubby and I? I feel like I’m missing something.

Discussing sex was always taboo in my twenties and thirties, but it seems like every millennial is talking about it openly these days, which makes me think people are getting bolder in the bedroom. How do I have a similar experience with my husband? We are so used to ‘sending’ that I wouldn’t know where or how to start…

Judy.

Jana says that women and men who brag about avoiding STDs despite having only had unprotected sex are usually lying. The statistics on sexual health are clear: these diseases are everywhere

Judy, you’ve come to the right place.

The answer is yes, everyone else is having wild, passionate sex, while you and your man are simply ‘throwing a leg over’. Okay, that’s not technically true, but I think it’s safe to say that the Swinging Sixties are currently having a resurgence.

TV shows like Sex and the City and Girls have done God’s work and normalized challenging sex lives. Couples now feel the freedom to share their kinks and open their relationships to new adventures, without judgment. And for example I say hurray!

So, where on earth do you start? May I suggest going to the back? Just kidding! You want to start by opening the lines of communication. Talk to your husband about your desires and fantasies. Maybe start with something sassy like, “So in my book the couple tried [insert activity here] and it really turned me on. Shall we give it a try?’ Don’t be shy! He’ll probably be over the moon.

Second, experiment. Try new positions, or a little roleplay, or even incorporate those sexy audiobooks into your love life. Yes, it can be a little tricky at first, but practice makes perfect.

Remember, a healthy sex life can improve your overall relationship and nothing bonds a couple in a long-term relationship like a good bedroom session. So say bon voyage to ‘missionary’ and embrace the herb!

Dear Jana,

My boss’s wife drives me crazy. She keeps looking at me sideways and making snide comments about my outfit. I’m wearing a very normal skirt suit, but she says something like: “Aren’t your legs cold in that short skirt?” or ‘Is that really suitable for the office?’

I’m not sure what her deal is, but it’s really starting to get to me. I’m thinking about flirting with her husband just to cheer her up. I mean, she clearly already thinks I want to sleep with him. (To be clear, I don’t). Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this madman?

Annie.

Dear Annie,

I repeat a saying that a male acquaintance often says to me: “No one hates a woman as much as a woman does.” Unfortunately he’s right and your boss’s wife sounds like a b****. She’s clearly projecting her own insecurities onto you.

I’m assuming you’re beautiful, and studies have recently shown that beautiful women are more likely to be bullied in the workplace. So why not take it as a compliment? She’s just intimidated by you.

A sassy one-liner should do the trick – something that puts her in her place, professionally but with enough venom that she won’t do it again. Because there’s another saying I stand by: “Fight a bully with a bully.” Sure, it’s not exactly HR-approved, but I’ve always found that standing up for yourself decisively helps set a standard for how you’re treated.

A firm “no, we don’t comment on my outfits” should put her in her place. Make sure you look her straight in the eye when you say it.

As for flirting with her husband? That’s a risky move, and honestly a bit childish. While it may be satisfying in the short term, it can escalate the situation and make it even more awkward.

If all else fails, kill her with kindness. Smile sweetly, nod politely, and let her know that her snide comments don’t bother you.

She sounds like a miserable woman, so hold your head high and let her seethe in her own misery.