Why so many cancer patients are ‘ghosted’ by their families after a diagnosis

When Ashley Levinson was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer in 2023, she thought she could lean on her family members for love and support.

But not long after she told them the devastating news, her relatives remained silent. The phone calls stopped coming, as did the encouraging text messages. It was as if they had disappeared.

Ms. Levinson, a retired nurse from New Jersey, became a victim of cancer ghosting – when friends and loved ones cut off all contact after someone is diagnosed with cancer.

The loss of friends and some family members was distressing and completely inexplicable.

The heartbreaking phenomenon is extremely painful for the patient who is battling cancer and suddenly feels alone.

Beating cancer requires support from a village of close friends and family, as well as an extensive medical team of oncologists and counselors who help deal with the myriad psychological consequences of being diagnosed with the disease.

Ms. Levinson’s experience of losing family members during the most challenging time of her life is not uncommon.

In fact, a survey of cancer patients found that 65 percent had seen their friends and family members cut off contact after disclosing their diagnosis.

Karen Selby, a registered nurse at the Mesothelioma Center in Orlando, Florida, told DailyMail.com about a cancer patient she cares for who said that since his diagnosis eight months ago, “all but one of his friends have stopped communicating with him at all.” ‘

Ashley Levinson was abandoned by friends and family when she was diagnosed with breast cancer last year

Mrs. Levinson told it ABC the lack of contact with family members “was really a punch in the gut when the people I thought were my core people weren’t there for me.”

Luckily, she still had the love and support of her two children, Hannah, 21, and Jake, 23, who were with their mother the whole way.

When family members or friends break contact with a sick person, this often has nothing to do with the sick person.

Instead, the ‘ghosting’ stems from fear or trauma from similar previous experiences and may be a person’s way of protecting themselves.

Ms. Levinson believes her family members stopped speaking to her because of the trauma of losing another family member to breast cancer years ago.

She said: ‘Maybe they felt that ignoring it would make it go away. But as we all know, cancer doesn’t go away on its own.’

Patients who have described their experiences with cancer ghosting said that they reminded their relatives of death when they saw each other, and that those relatives did not know how to deal with it.

Natasha Carlson was abandoned by two close friends of 22 years after she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018, she wrote Curetoday.com.

She wrote that she had not spoken to those friends for over a year after the diagnosis.

She said: ‘No responses to emails, texts, phone calls. Even when I reached out because I was confused and hurt, there was no reciprocation whatsoever.

‘Honestly, this was one of the most painful parts of the whole cancer experience for me. Losing my breasts was hard. Losing my good friend of 22 years… wasn’t something I even remotely thought would happen.

‘It was a bitter and painful lesson that I had to learn during a particularly vulnerable time in my life.’

Ms Levinson is pictured after her mastectomy this year. Patients who suffer from cancer ghosting have reported that their family members have avoided them because seeing each other reminded them of death, leaving the family members unsure of how to cope

Mrs Levinson is pictured with her two children who have been by her side throughout the ordeal, attending chemo treatments alongside her and supporting her recovery

She wondered if her friends couldn’t be there because of personal issues, but wondered why they didn’t reconnect after the hard times were over.

She believed that the shame of abandoning their friend, guilt, shame or poor mental health could be factors. And while she may never know the reasons, Ms. Carlson has been able to cope with the pain of not having closure and continues to feel frustrated and hurt by the situation.

Meanwhile, Maggie Hundshamer-Moshier was diagnosed with breast cancer and was “crazy,” she says. wrote.

Many friends with whom she had regular contact before the diagnosis slowly disappeared from her life. At first it wasn’t very noticeable, but over time she realized how many were missing.

She said: ‘My first instinct was sadness, which then turned to anger and resentment. It became easy to wonder why everyone else’s lives continued while mine seemed to grind to a halt. I never took the time to realize why they might be absent.

“It was difficult at the time to see beyond my own pain and realize that the people I loved were also just trying to protect themselves.”

They were afraid of losing her if she didn’t get better.

There were too many questions they didn’t feel comfortable asking for fear of coming across as insensitive.

And it was painful for them to see someone they loved suffer like that. The situation reminded them of a past loss, and they were not ready to experience the same heartbreak again.

Another unnamed patient took to Reddit to describe the feeling of being ghosted after their cancer diagnosis as “shocking and confusing” and “just not something I could even imagine.”

They said: ‘[My close friend group] also collectively ignored my 30th birthday just a few months after my diagnosis… This nullifies the “they didn’t know what to say” excuse for me. It doesn’t take much eloquence to text a friend ‘happy birthday.’

They said that now, about three years after starting treatment, the abandonment still hurts and even angers them.

They added: “I honestly don’t feel confident that telling them now that ghosting me was extremely hurtful would result in any productive results. But at the same time it feels wrong that they take absolutely no responsibility.’

Ms Selby was surprised when, after first hearing about it from her current patient, she discovered how widespread the problem is. She said that because she works in the medical field, patients are more likely to talk to her about their physical problems rather than emotional ones.

She said: ‘This is not just the imagination of someone who feels neglected. It’s happening to patients across the country at a time when, quite frankly, they need both physical and emotional support from their friends and family.”