Alaska Airlines pilot Joseph Emerson makes shocking confession nearly a year after he killed nearly 83 people while attempting to crash a plane

The Alaska Airlines pilot who nearly killed 83 people when he tried to crash a passenger plane to “escape a bad dream” while tripping on magic mushrooms has given a shockingly brutal interview in which he says the incident changed his life for the better.

Joseph Emerson admits he wasn’t quite in touch with reality when he piloted the plane in October. He was on a drug-fueled trip with friends when he took to the skies, still high and sleep-deprived with 83 people on board.

During the flight, Emerson was convinced he was dreaming. He put his hand on the red lever. If he pulled it, the plane’s engines would be shut down and probably all the passengers too.

He was stopped by co-pilots and handcuffed for the remainder of the flight. He now faces sentencing on 80 counts of reckless endangerment.

On Friday he and his wife appeared at Good morning America to describe how the near-disaster has improved their lives. He also revealed that he was an alcoholic at the time of the flight.

“I’m doing better, and this is a strange thing to say, but I’m actually doing better for all of us,” he said, adding that he now has more time with his children and that the event saved his marriage.

Joseph Emerson, 44, attempted to shut down the engines of an Alaska Airlines flight last October while under the influence of magic mushrooms.

Emerson spent 45 days in jail. He still faces more than 80 state and federal charges, including reckless endangerment. He has pleaded not guilty to those charges.

“Ultimately, I accept responsibility for the choices I made,” he said.

“I hope that not just the full 30 seconds of the event, but my entire experience plays a role in how society judges me.

The father of two had taken psychedelic mushrooms a few days earlier during a trip with friends to remember his best friend Scott, a pilot who died six years ago.

Although he wasn’t feeling like himself, he took Flight 2059 from Everett, Washington, to San Francisco.

During the flight, Emerson thought he was having a bad dream and that he had to wake up from it.

“That’s when I threw my headset off and I was completely convinced that this wasn’t real and that I wasn’t going home,” Emerson said.

“And then, when the pilots didn’t respond to my completely abnormal behavior in a way that I thought was consistent with reality, I thought, This isn’t real. I have to wake up.”

He claimed he was still suffering from the effects of the drug when he boarded a plane as a pilot in his spare time and became convinced that his surroundings were not real.

“I felt like I was trapped, and I thought, ‘Am I stuck on this plane and never going to come home?’” he recalled.

In an interview with Good Morning America, he calls it the “biggest mistake” and the “worst 30 seconds” of his life

Emerson described the moment he reached for the switches to turn off the engine, thinking it would “wake him up” and thinking it was a hallucination.

“There are two red levers in front of my face,” Emerson continued. “And thinking that I was going to wake up, thinking that this was my way out of this not-so-real reality, I reached up and grabbed them, and I pulled the levers.”

“I thought, ‘This is going to wake me up,'” Emerson said. “I know what those levers do in a real airplane, and I need to wake up to this. You know, it’s 30 seconds of my life that I’d like to change, and I can’t.”

He said he was brought back to reality retroactively when the crew restrained him.

“It was really the physical touch of the pilot on my hand,” he said. “Both pilots grabbed my hands where I actually stopped and I had that moment, which I will say I look at this moment as a gift.”

Emerson described the moment he reached for the engine shutdown controls, thinking it would “wake him up” from what he thought was a hallucination

The pilot’s wife, Sarah (right), described her horror when she learned her husband had been charged with 83 counts of attempted murder – one for each person on board

“I see the pilots react to the difficult situation that I just gave them and I see them react in a very professional manner,” Emerson said of the pilots. “I heard them talking about me and I said, ‘You want me out of the cockpit?'”

But Emerson’s strange behavior continued after he was returned to the cabin.

Emerson said he then grabbed a lever that operated the cabin door.

“At one point I thought, this isn’t real, and maybe I can wake myself up by jumping out, just like that free-falling feeling you have,” he said.

‘I put my hand on the lever, but I didn’t operate the lever.’

Then a flight attendant intervened and stopped him.

“She put … her hand back on mine and with that human touch I let go. I think it was around that time that I said, ‘I don’t understand what’s real, I don’t understand what’s real.'”

Emerson, who spent 45 days in jail, still faces more than 80 state and federal charges, including reckless endangerment

While his flying future remains uncertain, Emerson says he is grateful to the crew and passengers for their calm response to his actions

Emerson then requested to be detained and handcuffed for the remainder of the flight.

“I actually asked to be held because I knew if this is real, I’ve done enough damage,” he said. “I thought, ‘Let’s hold me until I get the help I need.’ That’s actually what I was hoping to get when I got off the plane, the help I needed.”

The pilot’s wife, Sarah, described her horror when she learned her husband had been charged with 83 counts of attempted murder – one for each person on board.

These charges have now been reduced.

“I went to the window and said I was looking for my husband. He looked at the computer, typed in some stuff and then casually told me the charges. That’s when I lost track,” Sarah told the newspaper.

“I screamed and I fell over, and I almost fell,” she added. “They grabbed me and pulled me up, because I know what that means. I was in complete shock.”

But ten months later, the couple claim the incident actually strengthened their relationship and gave Emerson a new lease on life

He said he would like to fly again, but ‘if I am not allowed to fly anymore, then I will not fly anymore’

“What I did was something we don’t train for, and they handled it fantastically. It’s really a result of their professionalism and the way they handled that situation that I’m alive today,” he said.

“Of course I want to fly again. I would be completely dishonest if I said no,” he said. “I don’t know in what capacity I will fly again and I don’t know if that is an opportunity that will be offered to me.”

“But ultimately, if I’m not allowed to fly anymore, then I won’t fly anymore.”

Passengers on the plane have not yet responded to his comments.