As we enter divorce season, five unhappy husbands confess to me why they’re no longer in love with their wives. And I thought I had heard it all: JANA’S SEALED SECTION

Not long ago, I asked women to share with me the reasons behind why they left their marriages. Their answers were raw, honest and fascinating.

After a series of divorces within my friendship group, I looked into the subject and quickly realized that there is a divorce epidemic going on right now.

Divorce filings have increased by around 13 percent since 2021, and the latest data shows the average length of a marriage is just 12 years.

Twelve years. So much for ’till death do us part’.

As I spoke to the many women who flooded my inbox with stories of their divorces, it struck me three common themes. Women left because…

1. Their husbands spent more time at work than on their marriage
2. Sex was all about his pleasure, with hardly any attention paid to her
3. The men lacked empathy and good communication skills.

So, like any good researcher, I wanted to hear both sides of the story. Yes, statistics show that seven out of ten divorces are initiated by women – but what about the men who decide enough is enough?

I asked my male followers on Instagram to slide into my DMs and tell me why they decided to end their marriage. And yes, just like the women, I was quite surprised by their answers…

Not long ago, I asked women to share with me the reasons behind why they left their marriages. Now it’s time for the men who left their wives to explain themselves…

Business, business, as far as the eye can see

There is a false assumption that married women don’t cheat. But believe me, they do – and they do a lot. Take for example the poor man I spoke to who revealed that he ended things with his wife when he discovered she was having her ‘third affair’.

And how did he find out? Eek. She became pregnant, but he had had a vasectomy after their third child, so the baby wasn’t his. Fortunately, there is a happy ending: he is now single and, in his words, ‘the best version of myself’.

Another man told me that his wife had an affair with one of her co-workers – a story as old as time. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced,” he said. “We tried to get help, but it wasn’t worth the torment.” After filing for divorce, he jumped on the apps and “had great success” — but ended up dating a woman for nine months who was just looking for an “Instagram boyfriend.” But there’s a silver lining: he’s almost one now years in a new relationship that is going well. “It’s too early to call the life partner, but we are both committed.”

And then there was this story from a follower with a plot twist I didn’t expect.

‘I was married for about seven years, but towards the end we were sleeping in separate bedrooms. Communication was limited. We eventually broke up and then I found out she was having sex with another woman. The ridiculous thing is that we were married and trying to have children because she was Catholic.” His ex-wife and her new girlfriend now have a child together. “It’s been hard,” he said.

Monitor behavior

Countless men wrote to me saying that they initiated a divorce because it felt as if their wife had become their mother.

Women’s cheating was a major reason why the men I spoke to quit – but others reported controlling marriages, causing them to become suffocating (stock photo by models)

An ex-husband told me, “I was married for twelve years and everything was fine at first, but my ex became very controlling and micromanaging over time. She always struggled with her mental health, but when our daughter was born four years ago, she became even more controlling. She limited where I could take our child and supervised everything I did: diaper changes, bath time, etc. Last January, I decided it was best to move. After that it only got harder. Even though she had already paid the mortgage, bills and child support, she restricted access to my daughter unless I brought in extra money.

‘In August 2023, I went to a lawyer and asked to have our daughter live with me full-time. I knew it was a gamble, but I had nothing to lose since I didn’t have custody at the time. Me, too filed for divorce.

“Fifteen months later the divorce was finalized for about $15,000. Our daughter lives with me full time and there is a final hearing end of February. I am happy to pay all costs for our custody arrangement because it is in the best interest of our daughter.”

Another man said: ‘My ex-wife and I got married in our early 20s and shortly afterwards she became terribly abusive and controlling. I stuck it out for our children until we were in our mid-thirties, when I finally had the courage to leave. The day after I left, her whole family – and mine – said they couldn’t believe I’d lasted so long. It would have been useful to know that a few years earlier.’

Women not on board for the ‘glow-up’

I’ve seen it countless times: a man is in his mid-forties and suddenly his daddy body is gone, his wrinkles and daggy clothes are out and his toned muscles, Botox and tailored suits are in. Some call it (wrongly) a midlife crisis; I call it a midlife glow-up.

But, as several men have told me, embarking on a journey of self-improvement years into a marriage can be the final nail in the coffin, especially if the wife isn’t on board.

One husband told me he filed for divorce last August after six years of marriage and two children. After the couple drank too much for years, he decided to get sober — and his wife didn’t. She continued to drink every night and it dawned on him that their marriage was miserable without the haze of booze. Realizing that alcohol was the only thing they had in common, he left five weeks later.

One man filed for divorce because his wife had not had sex in more than two years. She justified her coldness by pointing out that he had once rejected her advances (stock image)

Lack of sex

One man confessed that he asked for a divorce because his wife had not had sex in more than two years.

When they finally sat down for “the talk” about breaking up, this husband was shocked by her petty reason for killing him.

“You told me no once, so I never asked again.” Ouch.

They married too young

Ah yes, that old chestnut. The dilemma ‘we settled down too quickly’.

A man shared an extremely personal story with me about how, at the age of 23, he married his first girlfriend, whom he had been dating since he was 15.

He confessed: ‘I always remember thinking, “I better marry her, because who else would want me?” Anyway, long story short, she had a series of mental health issues that I had no way of coping with – including a suicide attempt three weeks after our wedding – and I ended up resenting her. I now feel guilty for facing my own demons. I realize she did her best.

‘After three years of marriage I was unfaithful. I was too young and not mature enough to deal with what was going on in my marriage. The woman I cheated on became my second wife and mother of my daughter – who is my everything.

“But karma hit me in the face when she left me after seven years of marriage. Since then, I have worked with a counselor for a long time to solve my problems. These days I try to be a better man, knowing that my relationships should be a model for what my daughter can expect when she is older.”

Some final thoughts

With so many heartbreaking stories of marriages imploding, I turned to this topic podcaster Chris Williamson for his advice – from a man’s perspective – on what makes a good marriage. He has Five questions we should ask ourselves before we get engaged:

1. If someone said to you, “You look a lot like your partner,” would this be a compliment to you?
2. Are you really satisfied or just less lonely?
3. Can you be unapologetically yourself, or do you feel the need to appear different to please your partner?
4. Are you currently in love with your partner as a whole? Or are you only in love with their good side, their potential and the idea of ​​it?
5. Would you want your future or imagined child to date someone like her?

They’re damn good, right?