Table of Contents
IS your love life on the rocks? For many couples, sex has become a regular occurrence, with half saying they’re not satisfied between the sheets.
Yesterday we reported that research by Durex found that only 51 percent of people in relationships are emotionally satisfied with what they do in the bedroom, or not, and only 56 percent are physically satisfied.
4
Many people no longer feel like having a crazy time because life is too stressful. And instead of seeking solace in each other, we switch off with our phones, Netflix, social media or online shopping.
When you add in the kids, work and chores, months can go by without us kissing even once.
From being too busy to boring sex and a lack of libido, here we discuss some common sexual problems and offer solutions and advice.
I can’t get into the mood
It is common for people to experience arousal problems at some point in their lives.
According to the NHS, one in five men and even more women experience loss of libido.
While age may be a factor, one study found that millennials are more likely to report problems with declining sexual desire.
Solution: Do anything but the act. For many women in particular, the thought of sex is not exciting.
It is a myth that we suddenly feel the need to take off our partner’s clothes. It takes much more warm-up time.
Try cutting out sex altogether and go back to basics.
Showering together. Snuggling up against each other naked while watching TV.
Massage each other. Kiss like teenagers and spend whole nights on second base.
When you no longer feel the pressure to perform, your libido often returns.
In addition, kissing and cuddling release the bonding hormone oxytocin, which increases your affection for each other.
SEX IS PREDICTABLE
Do you suffer from repetitive lay syndrome?
When you make love to the same partner for decades, it inevitably becomes predictable.
4
It’s not because you’re boring with fucking. You just know each other’s bodies and go straight to the most efficient techniques.
Or if you have a house full of kids, a quick hush under the covers after bedtime is probably the best option.
Solution: Combine new and old techniques.
About 60 percent of couples say the sexually exciting honeymoon period is over within 12 months of starting the relationship.
In those early years you were probably more adventurous.
Think back.
Where did you have sex?
What did you like?
Have these early techniques become less common?
Why don’t we bring them back?
You can also discuss fantasies or try role-playing.
If you’re feeling nervous about starting out, a simple sex game can take the edge off.
My new couples game, A Hot Minute, has one-minute activities for you to try.
Playfulness releases chemicals in the brain that affect arousal.
WE NEVER HAVE TIME
A BUSY life of juggling work, household chores and childcare often means your partner gets pushed to the bottom of your to-do list.
A common sign that you need to prioritize intimacy is that when you DO have sex, you immediately think to yourself, “We should really do this more often.”
Solution: Set a schedule. Get your calendar out and book some bonks.
Doesn’t that sound sexy?
Just try it.
Scheduling sex gives you time to prepare.
You can set the mood, light candles, get out your finest lingerie and enjoy a whole — bright — night full of passion.
It also means you don’t turn on the TV and get engrossed in a long TV series or, worse yet, spend the entire evening staring at your phone after the kids have gone to bed.
I don’t like my body
Body awareness often occurs after having a child, but it also commonly occurs after other major life events, such as menopause, a breakup, or a significant birthday.
It also occurs in men, especially in middle age.
4
If you don’t like the way you look, it will affect your enjoyment in bed because it disrupts your concentration.
Solution: Try mindful sex. It may sound a bit corny, but keeping your mind in the moment can increase your sexual satisfaction.
The more you focus on how sex feels, the less you care about appearance.
When you are in bed, concentrate on your physical sensations.
Try a mindfulness tip and focus on three things you can feel, two things you can hear, and one thing you can taste.
If you find yourself distracted, focus on your partner and how much he or she is enjoying being with you.
IT’S OVER TOO SOON
If the sex is great but short-lived, it can lead to a loss of confidence and enthusiasm.
Premature ejaculation is a problem for about 30 percent of men and is usually described as climaxing within a minute of penetration.
But the length of time is subjective: if one of you finishes too quickly, it can be frustrating for both of you.
Solution: Change positions. It can help to try more foreplay so that by the time sex starts, both parties are equally aroused.
Research has shown that women do not often achieve orgasm from sex alone, so pleasurable actions leading up to orgasm are essential.
Then shallow positions (like spooning) can help, as they reduce the amount of stimulation.
Use condoms or lubricant to reduce friction.
MISMATCHING LIBIDOES
THIS is common as couples reach middle age and their hormones fluctuate.
For example, during menopause, libido in women can decrease.
4
Hormone replacement therapy may help, but if testosterone is part of the medication, it can increase the woman’s libido, making her libido higher than her partner’s.
Solution: Sexercise. Exercising is a great way to balance your hormones and stabilize your mood.
It can also do wonders for men with declining libido, as it increases circulation and lowers blood pressure and the stress hormone cortisol.
Hit the gym together, work up a sweat, and then go for a nice kiss in the steam room.
Follow yoga videos at home or just go for a walk together.
WE DON’T GET ANY PRIVACY
It’s hard to have sex when you could be interrupted at any moment by a wandering toddler or teenager.
It also affects the way you interact with your partner. It stops you from kissing during Corrie or having a big fight to clear the air (followed by sex to make up).
Solution: Mix it up. If your nights are busy, opt for early morning sex.
Or if you can’t stand the thought of a quick hookup before school, try afternoon sex.
Research has shown that 7am and 3pm are the optimal times for sex.
Test that theory.
Working from home?
Replace your lunch break with a lunge break.
If you and your partner are at home together, skip the housework and go straight to bed.
The dishes can wait, right?
