WITH a number one podcast, a “very handsome” (her words) fiancé and a dramatic EastEnders storyline that has millions of viewers in its grip, Natalie Cassidy should be brimming with confidence.
But the actress says she still struggles with insecurities about her body.
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She says: “I can be somewhere and feel fantastic without even thinking about my weight.
“But put me in a different situation, with a different group of people, and I feel like the ugliest person in the room.
“And that is 100 percent honest.”
Despite regularly riding her Peloton bike and eating healthy, the mother of two struggles to accept her figure.
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“I still don’t have that much confidence,” she says.
“I still don’t want to put on a swimsuit.
“I don’t think I’ve ever — regardless of my weight — thought, ‘I look really good today,’ while standing naked in front of the mirror.
“I’ve been in 7th and 12th place, but I never thought I’d be able to do that.”
Natalie, 41, who has played Albert Square favourite Sonia Fowler for 31 years, first became aware of her weight when she was labelled ‘fat’ by bullies at school as a child.
She says: “People used to call me Fat Nat at school and it didn’t bother me. I turned it down. I’ve always been bigger.”
She says her “puppy fat” was the result of her beloved mother Evelyn – who died of cancer in 2002 at age 63 – being a “feeder”.
Natalie fondly remembers: “She was a proud mother and homemaker and food was the language of love in my house.
“I could eat four or five bags of chips every night and no one would say, ‘You shouldn’t eat those.’”
‘Really ashamed’
The actress, who is engaged to TV cameraman Marc Humphreys, rose to fame after losing weight while filming the 2007 weight-loss DVD Then & Now.
And that is something she regrets to this day. She once admitted that she was ‘on the verge of an eating disorder’.
“When I made my DVD I lost 4st in three months, but then I gained it all back – and more – in less time,” says Nat, who secured a £100,000 grant for the project.
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“That was the straw that broke the camel’s back: making that stupid DVD.
“I was very ashamed.
“Looking back, that was the beginning of my problems with food. Because I had never thought about it before. I was a very confident person.”
Over the years she has fluctuated between a size 36 and a size 46, but recently discovered an eating plan that to take her lifestyle.
When I made my DVD I lost 4st in three months and then I gained it all back – and more – in less time
Natalie
“I love fasting — it works for me,” she says. “I’m not hungry in the morning, so I wait until noon to eat.”
Intermittent fasting is popular with stars like Halle Berry, Kourtney Kardashian and Heidi Klum. In the UK, there are an average of 140,000 searches for the fad diet online every month.
It works by leaving longer periods between meals so the body breaks down stored fat for energy.
While she is still conscious of her body, Natalie has learned from her mistakes and knows exactly what works for her and what doesn’t.
In her podcast Life With Nat, she talks about the time she got her Body Mass Index into the healthy “green” zone – between 18.5 and 24.9 – saying: “When my BMI is in the green, I look ridiculous and emaciated.
“When I reached a green BMI, I looked like a lollipop head.”
As a mother, Natalie is careful about talking about weight around her daughters Eliza, 13, and Joanie, 7.
Especially since Eliza, who she had with her ex Adam Cottrell, has already been teased a bit.
“People at school are rude to her, they call her fat. I try to be really, really aware of what I say around Eliza,” Natalie says.
Be grateful. We should try to look in the mirror and say, ‘I am so happy that I look in the mirror and I am here’
“She hears me on the phone saying, ‘I looked like a hippo today.’ That sticks with the children.
“Eliza will say, ‘My legs, Mommy!’ and I’ll say she’s so lucky to have legs. So let’s enjoy having legs.”
After three decades as EastEnders’ Sonia and with 485,000 followers on Instagram, Natalie is a role model to many.
She was shocked when she discovered that a diet pill brand was using her photo to promote their products on Facebook without her permission.
“I get really angry when I get messages saying, ‘I bought these pills because they had your face on them,’” she says.
“It’s really dangerous and annoying. And I can’t do anything about it.”
Instead of looking for quick fixes online, Natalie wants to encourage her fans to accept their bodies as they are.
“Be grateful,” she says. “We have to try to look in the mirror and say, ‘I am so happy to be looking in the mirror and being here.’
“Let’s have fun and not worry about how we look and not compare ourselves. We’re all spinning a lot of plates.
“We take care of the children, or the parents, or the siblings, we work, we worry about finances.
“With so much going on, how can we blame ourselves for what we eat?”
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