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DEAR ABBY: I have a single girlfriend in her 40s. She has very noticeable vertical lines between her eyes during an animated conversation that detract a lot from her sweet face. She has a limited income. I’d like to suggest Botox for her, and I’m willing to pay for it with a gift card or cash. Would it be okay to introduce her and how would you go about it? — BEAUTY HELPER IN TENNESSEE
DEAR HELPER: While I’m sure you mean well, bringing this to your girlfriend’s attention can make her self-conscious. While Botox treatments can make a positive difference to one’s appearance, they are only temporary. To keep that “fresh” look, they need to be repeated, and unless you plan on paying for her Botox forever, don’t give her something she can’t afford.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for almost a year and in this short time I have seen a side of my wife that I have never seen before. Although I met her during a period of sobriety, she now drinks. The problem is what she does when she drinks. One time she would go to the market and return on foot. Instead I found her in a car with a stranger, drinking and high. She claimed it was too cold to walk and she was just trying to keep warm.
On another occasion, she got drunk and had a male friend she had been intimate with in the past collect her and all her belongings and let me watch her drive off with him. She later called profusely from another man’s apartment, begging me to pick her up. I could go on with similar scenarios, but my letter would be too long.
Her latest is when she told me she put a “code” on her phone so I couldn’t find out where she had been. (She had just turned off location sharing on her phone.) She says she loves me with all her heart and no one else is there, but I find it very hard to believe. Am I the world’s biggest, dumbest doormat for not divorcing her? (I can’t just turn off my love for her.) – PISTON FROM THE WEST
BEST “PISTON”: If you haven’t contacted your doctor yet, make an appointment and get tested for any STIs your wife may have passed on to you after one of her escapades.
This scenario continues until she comes to the realization that if she doesn’t get help for her binge drinking right away, her marriage is over. The question is whether she is willing (or able) to give up her addictions to alcohol, whatever other substances she uses, and sex with other men.
Loving her doesn’t make you stupid or a doormat. Sooner or later, though, you’ll have to accept that you can’t fix what’s wrong with her, and you’ll have to decide how much more pain you can bear. Please accept my condolences.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.