Dating was easier before I lost 150 pounds – men are more chivalrous, but I’m wary
A 35-year-old single woman says dating has become more difficult since she changed her body and lost over 150 pounds.
She talked about the warning signs she now looks for when finding a committed life partner.
8
8
New Yorker Sophia Roses has nearly 31,000 subscribers YouTubewhere she shares her love for beauty and well-being.
Speaking to The US Sun, she opened up about how her Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Surgery (VSG) has affected her love life.
THROWING A CURVEBALL
Roses said she was “chubby” growing up and was at her heaviest when she weighed 300 pounds.
“From a very early age I was told to finish my plate and ‘not waste food,’” she says.
“When I was a teenager, I didn’t have a good understanding of nutrition.
“I’ve always had curves and developed faster than most of my friends. At that point I thought, ‘Why don’t I look like my friends or that celebrity in the magazine?’
“I am the eldest of four girls and because I am the plump or busty woman of my siblings, my mother went to great lengths to figure out how to dress me.
“Looking back, my wardrobe reminded me of my grandma.”
START DATING
Roses admitted that she struggled with self-confidence during high school and waited until she was in her 20s before she started dating.
After getting her first job, she developed an interest in fashion and beauty.
I was told that I ‘always had a pretty face’, and if I were smaller I would be perfect. Or, ‘You’re beautiful for a tall girl.’
Sophia Roses
“Boys from my high school past started randomly approaching me and asking me out,” she said.
“I soon realized, through the conversations I had with them, that it was out of curiosity.
“I was told I ‘always had a pretty face,’ and if I were smaller I would be perfect. Or, ‘You’re beautiful for a tall girl.’”
She said the flood of “backhanded compliments” convinced her she should try meeting someone who didn’t already know her.
But online dating was a minefield in itself.
“I chatted with so many men, but their intentions were clear early on: a committed relationship with me was not what they wanted,” she said.
Sometimes I think back to myself at my worst and feel sorry for her.
Sophia Roses
“Dating was limiting because I didn’t get asked out on dates very often.
“It was a situation where I was talking slowly and nothing really came out.
“Dating was easy for me because I was a heavyweight and guys were quick to tell me what their intentions were and I could always leave.”
8
SLIMMING SURGERY
Roses tried many diets before having gastric bypass surgery, but she always gained the weight back – and more.
The 5-foot-1 flight attendant said she could not walk because she was experiencing back pain and shortness of breath.
“I felt miserable in my body and it showed on my face when people first met me,” she said.
Years of crash dieting affected her metabolism and made it increasingly difficult to lose the excess pounds.
Men performed courteous acts such as holding the door open for me, getting flowers, and raising their hands to help me out of the car.
Sophia Roses
“I’ve looked into weight loss surgery, but I never thought I’d have the courage to do it,” she said.
Then she met an “amazing” bariatric surgeon, prayed for peace about the surgery, and went ahead with the procedure in 2022.
“It was very difficult for me to adjust to my new normal and I was a bit depressed mentally,” she admitted.
What is Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG)?
According to HealthlineVertical sleeve gastrectomy involves removing part of the stomach to “permanently” reduce the amount of food that can be consumed at one time.
The popular bariatric surgery can also alter hormones related to hunger and metabolism.
“I grieved over food because my cravings wouldn’t go away and I couldn’t eat normally.”
She also suffered from constant nausea and developed complications that landed her back in the hospital a month after the operation.
BACK ON THE MARKET
Roses, who now weighs between 130 and 135 pounds, says she started dating again four months after surgery.
“I went into dating with a new perspective,” she said. “I was so guarded and now that I lost the weight, I wanted to date without expectations.
“I felt like a new version of myself and I wanted to date to find out what I really wanted.”
8
Roses said that as she continued to lose weight, her dating opportunities increased, with men of all ages, races and body types trying to date her.
She also noticed that she attracted more “outgoing and nice” men than when she had a fuller figure.
“I just started getting compliments from men,” she said.
“Men have done nice things like hold doors for me, get flowers, reach out to help me out of a car. And I get stared at a lot, too.
Men started romanticizing me online and on social media compared to who I am in real life.
Sophia Roses
“I’m a flight attendant, so I get a lot of help with my luggage, which I would rarely get from men at my heaviest.
“To be honest, it’s a bit overwhelming sometimes because I’m not used to this.
“Sometimes I think back to myself at my worst and I feel sorry for her.”
8
HOPELESS ROMANTIC
Roses revealed that dating a slim figure is difficult because men are on their “best behavior” and are reluctant to reveal their intentions early on.
She said they made an effort ‘immediately’ but that as things progressed this became less so, whereas when she was older they made the least effort from the start.
“I’ve also noticed that some men’s insecurities are quite apparent,” she said.
“I dated a guy for about 10 months and thought everything was going great.
“But as I continued to lose weight, get more attention, and have more opportunities because of my newfound confidence, he said, ‘I need to find someone who has a better life.’
8
“Those were his exact words to me: ‘But we can continue to interact with each other.’ That was a first for me.”
She is now more careful about how she meets men and has ‘retired’ from dating apps.
Don’t DM me
She also doesn’t respond to people who ‘DM’ her on Instagram.
“I’ve noticed that men romanticize me too much online or on social media compared to who I am in real life,” she said.
“So I don’t give out my social media and I don’t meet men online.
Losing weight in the beginning is one thing, but keeping it off is a whole different story.
Sophia Roses
“Another warning sign in dating is a guy who talks about sex or something sexual in the beginning.
“He tells himself clearly what he wants and that he is not looking for anything serious.”
Roses said another “big red flag” in dating is men who don’t have a “clear direction” in their lives.
She said men who constantly change their “actions, words or moods” are not trustworthy and “too immature” to be in a committed relationship.
8
CURRENT WORK
Roses said losing weight has given her the confidence not to live in the “shadow” of her friends or expect to be overlooked.
She is no longer afraid to start conversations and seize opportunities.
But she warns that surgery is not a “quick fix” to change your life.
“Losing weight in the beginning is one thing, but keeping it off is a whole other story,” she said.
“On July 20, 2024, it will be two years after the operation and it is not easy to maintain the lost weight.
“VSG is a tool and everything I learned through VSG I still apply to maintaining my weight.
“Therapy really helps to address my food issues and to find out the reasons or causes of my binge eating.
“Because I do the inner work, it is more possible to maintain my weight.
“I see exercise as something that is part of my daily routine, rather than something I have to do to lose weight.
“I want to eat healthy now because I like it. I’m not perfect, but I can say that my lifestyle is completely different than before.”
8
