Dear Jane,
I have a dark and embarrassing secret that I need to confess before it eats me alive.
A few weeks ago I was running late for work. I jumped in my car and quickly backed out of my driveway when I heard a scream followed by a grinding noise. I knew immediately what had happened.
I ran to the neighbor’s cat and killed it!
That pesky beast always runs into the road so it was only a matter of time before this happened and honestly this could have happened to anyone. I don’t even feel like it’s my fault but the point is I couldn’t tell my neighbors.
They are a lovely family who have become very close to mine. They came to live with us five years ago and we both have young children.
Our daughters are in kindergarten together. The mother and I get coffee after school. We have cheese and wine nights with our husbands and play doubles together at the tennis club.
I hated the idea of telling my girlfriend that I was the one who had killed her beloved pet. And of course I couldn’t leave the dead cat in our driveway, so I grabbed a shovel, scooped up the body and dumped it far down the road, staging it as if some other unfortunate soul had committed a hit-and-run.
Dear Jane: I killed my neighbor’s cat in a terrible accident…
Her children are distraught. They can’t seem to stop crying and now my tennis partner is on a crusade to find out who ‘killed’ her cat. She says she will take legal action if she finds out who is responsible. It has all gotten so out of hand.
I am overcome with guilt. I haven’t even been able to tell my own family because I am so ashamed.
I really want to make things right, but it’s probably too late to confess. Our relationship would never recover and it would make the neighbor dynamic SO awkward.
I might even get into trouble with the law, damn it!
Is there a way to fix this?
By,
Cat killer
Dear cat killer,
I find it a little confusing that you talk about being overcome with guilt, when at the beginning of your letter you say that this was in fact an accident waiting to happen, and that if it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else.
International bestselling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her column Dear Jane Agony Aunt
You describe your neighbors as good friends and a wonderful family. I wonder where your sympathy is after you killed, albeit accidentally, a beloved family pet. The death of this animal has so confused the children of your good friends?
I think maybe it’s time for you to look in the mirror and think about that, instead of worrying about the potential legal trouble you’re in.
As for the legal action your neighbor is threatening, she could indeed sue you if she has evidence that you are the murderer.
Each state handles this differently. But to give you peace of mind, the worst The outcome of a lawsuit would most likely be damages for the replacement cost of the animal.
I’m not sure there’s a perfect way to fix this. But when faced with a dilemma like this, I think the right answer is to find a solution that does the least amount of harm to everyone involved.
Confessing your guilt may ease your feelings of guilt, but it will likely ruin not only your friendships with your neighbors, but also the friendships between your children.
Instead of just confessing, think about ways to ease the pain. Maybe even, when the time is right, surprise them with a new kitten to heal their heart.
Dear Jane,
I am faced with a moral dilemma at work.
I recently started a new job. It’s my first real job since graduating. I work in an office five days a week.
The very first day at the office I smelled a horrible stench – I’m talking about horrible body odor!
It didn’t take me long to figure out where the smell was coming from. Every time I walked past a certain desk, the smell became extremely strong.
The desk belongs to a female colleague who works in the same department as me.
She is a lovely lady, probably in her 40s and looks quite normal. As far as I know she is single and has no children.
I’ve only spoken to her a few times, but during each conversation I noticed that her breath always stinks and her hair is usually very greasy.
The sad thing is that other people in the office definitely noticed. It would be almost impossible not to see it.
People often laugh when her name is mentioned. I saw a man performatively pinch his nose as he walked behind her desk. And I’ve even heard people make mean comments about how “gross” she is.
I can’t tell my coworkers to stop, especially since I’ve only just started and I don’t want to cause a fight.
And I barely know the woman.
But do I have some kind of responsibility to tell her about the smell, woman to woman? To check in on her? I’ve read that people with depression often don’t practice good hygiene.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated,
By,
Deodorant Advocate
Dear deodorant advocate,
I’m not sure it’s your responsibility to tell this poor woman about her terrible hygiene, even if you have the best intentions.
You are not friends, nor confidants. You say you barely know each other, and while you may want to help, I can’t imagine anyone would take such intimate information well from a virtual stranger.
I think that if the smell really penetrates the workplace and if this is indeed a problem that others in the office are talking about, it would be better to bring it up to HR.
They are the ones who are well versed in dealing with sensitive issues. If necessary, it may be wise to ask some of your colleagues to discuss this with you with the office management. And also make sure that you ask that your names be kept anonymous.
You already know this, but this is not about pointing fingers or shaming someone for their poor hygiene. The goal is to get to the root of the problem that is causing the stench.
