Dear Jane: My partner is addicted to an alarming new bedroom trend … but he says all his friends do it too

Dear Jane,

My friend and I have been together for two years.

Our sex life has always been great – certainly nothing crazy, but we have good, normal sex.

A few weeks ago, however, my friend and I went to a friend’s wedding and got very drunk. Normally, when my friend is drunk, he has a hard time performing in the bedroom. But this time he had absolutely no problem – in fact he took much longer than normal.

I thought this was a bit strange, but brought it to a one -time thing.

The next time we had sex, he took almost an hour! This is completely unheard of for him, so I had to say something.

When I asked him why he lasted so long, his answer shocked me. He announced that he had taken Viagra to help his performance.

He tried to assure me that he absolutely did not need the Viagra to find me desirable, but he takes it instead of because he enjoys the way it feels to be in the medicine.

He also says that all his friends also take it, not only for sex, but also sometimes for the gym or when they drink, ‘in case’ they eventually go home with someone.

I find the whole thing very disturbing. To be honest, I don’t even enjoy sex when it goes on too long, but my friend doesn’t seem to care.

Every time we have been intimate a few weeks ago since that wedding, he took Viagra. It starts to worry.

Do I have to find his stock of pills and throw them away, or refuse to have sex with him when he has taken Viagra? How else can I let him stop this terrible habit?

By,

Viagra victim

Dear Viagra victim,

What strikes me the most here is that your boyfriend has made a one -sided decision about your joint sex life and ignore your needs to fulfill his.

Despite his flagrant selfish behavior, I do not think that the solution is to secretly remove his drug supply. That would only be Tit-for-Tat and would not end well.

Instead, I think you should work on improving communication and cooperation within your relationship.

I think the Viagra habit of your boyfriend truthfully is an unhappy result of weaknesses in intimate areas.

Although you cannot let him stop popping the pills, you can clearly communicate why you don’t want sex with him if he takes them.

See if you can find a compromise: if he really is Dedicated to Viagra, maybe you can set limits when he uses it and how often.

If that is untenable, know that you can say no.

It can be very frightening to say no to someone, especially if you are the type of person that usually says yes, just to keep peace.

But your sexual pleasure is just as important as his own, and you should never feel obliged to do something only because of the pleasure of someone else.

You must now have an honest conversation to find a way forward where both needs are met.

If you can’t do that, if he is unable to meet your needs, then perhaps, despite everything else that is in order, he is not the man for you.

A lack of willingness to work together and work together means a bigger problem, and you earn someone who needs your wishes and needs just as much as theirs needed.

Dear Jane,

A few weeks ago my brother, who is only a year younger than me, that he saw my ex-girlfriend of high school.

He said they met a bar and were talking, and then decided to go out with only them two … and now they date.

It is a few years ago and I have a new partner who makes me very happy, but the girl with my brother was my high school lifters. We dated three years, went to Prom together and only separated because we left for colleges in different states.

Not that I can admit it, but Broeder’s revelation has upset me – I hate the idea that they are together. But he seems very happy and I don’t want to rain on his parade.

The problem that I foresee in the future is that my family is very close. We often have meetings and my girlfriend is always invited, so I am sure that my little brother’s new girlfriend will be!

Unfortunately my girlfriend won’t like that. She knows everything about my ex and will probably not like the idea that I spend time with her.

On the other hand, my parents loved my girlfriend in high school, and they will probably be happy that she is back in the picture, even if it is now as my brother’s partner.

It will only make my girlfriend more furious to see how much my parents worship my ex.

We have a family dinner coming to celebrate my father’s birthday, and everyone will undoubtedly be there. I am afraid that if I explain the situation to my current girlfriend, she will be upset and refuses to participate – and possibly tell myself that I cannot go!

Will I just keep my girlfriend in the dark and let her discover her alone during dinner? That way at least she can’t respond as a drama queen because we are surrounded by my family. Hopefully she will see that the situation is not that bad.

By,

Restructive Eskimo -Broer

Best reserved Eskimo -Broer,

I understand your discomfort in the situation. Your first love is precious, and of course it hurts to think about her with someone else, especially your own brother.

But this kind of pain will quickly lose his sting as time passes, especially if you are just as happy with your girlfriend as you say you are.

What gives me more break here is worried about how your new girlfriend will react.

Your fear is understandable, but until you tell your girlfriend, you don’t really know what her reaction will be.

If she is safe in her relationship with you, she will probably happen to this, even if she initially feels uncomfortable to have your ex nearby.

But if she shows signs of jealousy, try to understand where she comes from.

Jealousy is a sign of deep uncertainty and uncertainty is always difficult to navigate – especially when a woman is threatened by other women.

The best thing you could do to relieve her uncertainty, and therefore her jealousy would be to make her feel as safe as possible in your relationship.

This definitely means that she tells her the news for your family dinner, otherwise she assumes that you are hiding something.

Tell her, and then assure her From your love for her. If you can give her the feeling that you really only have eyes for her, I don’t see why she would spend with your ex by time. Maybe they even become friends, they clearly have a similar taste!

But if she refuses to be present, or demands that you don’t go either, I think you should again assess whether she is the one for you.