Expert reveals the ‘desperate’ text that you should not send if you want a second date
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Dating in 2025 can be a hugely stressful and complicated affair, because most singletons know all too well.
Many people go on pleasant dates and are then surprised when the person with whom they shared a pleasant evening just disappear.
This can especially echo if everything seemed to go well, and a second date seemed to be in the bag.
Not knowing what went wrong can mean that daters question their behavior, think about what happened – and why.
According to sex and relationship expert Anita Fletcher, many daters are probably in danger of protecting a second date by sending ‘desperate’ SMS messages that can postpone a potential partner.
She said, “We have all been there, but some texts scream louder than others.”
Anita has identified six SMS errors that make people making them desperate and needy, and come across as red flags to potential partners.
1. “Hey, are you there?” (Check in the despair)
A dating expert has unveiled the SMS errors that can ruin the opportunities of people to get more dates with someone they like (Stock Image)
According to sex and relationship -expert Anita Fletcher, this text can be ‘feared about ignored’
This seemingly innocent message is a large red flag, according to Anita.
She explained that sending several times during the day shows that you constantly check whether they are available – and that you have nothing better to do.
“This text reveals fear of being ignored,” she said.
“It puts pressure on the other person to respond immediately, which stifles in early dating.”
Better alternative: wait until you have something specific to say. Try: ‘I have just seen the new coffee place that you called! Have you tried their cold brew? ‘
2. The triple text trap
According to the expert, bombing someone with multiple messages if they don’t respond quickly enough, people from it
Message 1: ‘Hey! How’s your day? “Message 2:” Hello ??? ” Message 3: “Think you’re busy …”
Nothing says needy as bombing someone with multiple messages if they don’t respond quickly enough. This behavior shows that you cannot even process short periods without validation.
“Triple text messages shows bad emotional regulation,” Anita said “suggests that you are high maintenance in a relationship.”
Better alternative: Send a well thought out message and give them the time to respond. If they do not answer within 24 hours, continue gracefully.
3. “Why don’t you respond?”
People ask why they do not immediately respond to messages ‘reveals deep uncertainty and an inability to respect limits’, according to Anita
This confrontational text is relationship kryptonite. Requiring statements for response times shows controlling behavior before you have met personally.
Fletcher notes: ‘This message reveals deep uncertainty and an inability to respect limits. It is manipulative and will let everyone run to the hills. ‘
Better alternative: just don’t send it. People have lives outside their phones.
If someone consistently ignores you, take the hint.
4. The overshade Avalanche
When people start with ‘dumping emotional baggage’ on someone with whom they have not yet imposed a real bond
“I had such a terrible day at work and my boss shouted at me and then I got a parking ticket and my mother called about Thanksgiving drama and I am so stressed that I can hardly function …”
Dumping your emotional luggage via text Before you bring about a real connection, is overwhelming and inappropriate.
“Early dating must be fun and light,” Fletcher advises. “Save the heavy things for when you have built up trust and report.”
Better alternative: keep early texts cheerful. Try: ‘Work was intense today! I look forward to relaxing. How was your day? “
5. ‘I miss you’ (after one date)
SMS to say ‘I miss you’ after only one date is needy and suggests unhealthy attachment patterns
Explaining intense feelings too quickly is a classic needy movement. Tell someone that you miss them after minimal interaction suggests unhealthy attachment patterns.
“This text means that you are already emotionally dependent on someone you hardly know,” warns Fletcher. “It’s too much, too fast.”
Better alternative: Extringing pleasure without intensity: ‘Had a great time last night! Would like to do it quickly. ‘
6. The validation seeker
Looking for validation is another type of text that can make someone come across as needy and uncertain – and they can put the recipient into an uncomfortable position
Fishing on compliments or reassurance by text shouts insecurity. These messages bring the other person into an uncomfortable position to stimulate your ego. Fletcher explains: ‘Trust is attractive. Constantly searching for validation suggests that you do not believe in your own value. ‘
Better alternative: build trust in actions, no texts. Focus on sharing interesting thoughts or planning fun activities instead.
Discussing why people send needy texts after they have just met someone, said sex and relationship expert Anita Fletcher: ‘Most people send needy text messages because they operate from a place of fear – fear of abandoned, fear of rejection or fear of not being good enough.
‘When someone does not respond immediately, frightening hunters tension scenarios in the worst case. They think that silence means disinterest, while the other person may just be in a meeting. ‘
According to Anita, the irony is that the Texter in an emergency list creates exactly what we are trying to avoid – rejection ‘. She continued: “When we bomb someone with desperate messages, we essentially say:” I don’t trust you to like myself unless I constantly remind you that I exist. ” That is tiring for the recipient.
“My advice? Put the phone down and work on yourself. The best relationships happen when two complete people choose to share their lives, not when one person desperately sticks to the other for validation. Remember that the right person does not need constant texts to remember that you exist – and you will not need constant reassurance to give them. ‘
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