Experts issue warning to people in relationships over habit that could mean your partner is a narcissist

Experts have warned against a common communication habit that can ultimately destroy a relationship.

‘Dry begging’, a term that has been coined by therapists, is a form of passive-aggressive communication whereby a person doesn’t adequately explain what they need or want.

Examples include a partner saying something like ‘I wish I had a boyfriend who takes me out for dinner’, rather than directly asking their boyfriend to treat them more often.

In some cases, they might say nothing at all; but will make their partner aware they have done something wrong by sulking or even giving the silent treatment. 

As the term becomes more widely known, experts have warned that ‘dry begging’ is not a healthy form of communication – and can even indicate narcissism. 

After a discussion about dry begging was posted on Reddit, people were surprised to learn that there was a term for this type of behaviour – which many on the receiving end thought was normal.

What’s more, it could indicate that they’re narcissistic – and, worse still, it could spell the end of your relationship. 

As one Reddit user said in a subreddit called ‘AbuseInterrupted’, writing beneath a post taken from a YouTube video on dry begging by counsellor Darren F Magee, ‘When this video came across my YouTube feed a few days ago, my reaction was ‘Wait, there’s a word for that?!?!”

As with exaggerated sighing or sulking, dry begging could be an attempt to provoke , for example, someone wants their partner to inquire after them and ask what is wrong.

And, if a person does end up responding in such a way, they may in turn take it as an opportunity to lash out or guilt trip you.

‘Dry begging is when someone indirectly asks for something. There’s a need there, but they’re not stating it clearly,’ US-based therapist Aerial Cetnar told HuffPost.

It may be common – dry begging reportedly crops up in many romantic relationships – but it can spell disaster.

Relationship therapist Hope Kelaher told Brides: ‘It’s the opposite of healthy intimacy.’ 

‘I’ve seen it lead to confusion, resentment, emotional shutdown, and in some cases, complete breakdowns.’

It isn’t always malicious or designed to make you feel bad; it may instead indicate that your partner is struggling with insecurity or low self esteem. 

‘Sometimes people just don’t know how to ask for what they need,’ Aerial added.

‘They’d rather hint and be ignored than ask directly and get rejected.’

In some cases, it can also indicate latent narcissism in your partner, which could end up being extremely destructive for one’s self-worth. 

When it comes to dealing with dry begging, experts agree that the first step is to identify it and become aware of when and how it occurs.

Since you may have simply got used to it or started to accept it as a personality trait of your partner, it’s vital that you recognise it as a behaviour that doesn’t belong in a loving relationship. 

Aerial suggested that once you notice it you should acknowledge it to your partner, saying, for example, ‘Is this a request? It seems like you’re asking me to do something.’

This kind of approach might help your partner learn to state their needs without having to be passive aggressive or manipulative. 

Related to dry begging is a specific phrase that often comes out in arguments – yet a psychologist has warned that couples could ruin their relationship by saying this ‘toxic’ phrase.

Dr Mark Travers, who specialises in relationship psychology, claimed many couples admitted to saying these statement, or had it directed at them, before their relationship broke down. 

The American psychologist, who has a degree from Cornell University, claimed he often speaks to couples who are having frequent fights or arguments, and when he digs deeper there is always a root cause. 

He added that this is most often linked to one partner comparing their relationship or life to someone else’s.  

Writing for CNBC Make It, he said: ‘There’s one phrase I’ve seen come up in these exchanges that’s more damaging than you think: ‘Why can’t you be more like [insert other person’s name]?’.’

Dr Travers calls this the ‘death-by-comparison’ effect – as it’s an obvious indication that your relationship is in trouble or on its last legs. 

He explained: ‘The real message will always remain the same: ‘You’re not enough, and someone else  – anyone else – could do a better job at being my partner.’

Dr Travers claimed that this communication can lead to ‘irreparable insecurity issues’ over time. 

He revealed it is important to communicate what we need in relationships, or from our partners ‘clearly, without shame or comparison.’

However, the expert claimed that the more secure a person feels in their relationship,  the more likely they are to communicate directly. 

Dr Travers suggested you should ask yourself first what you really need from your partner and rephrase the question. 

He said: ‘Relationships require the willingness to love each other as real, flawed, irreplaceable humans – not as comparisons to someone else.’

It comes after another psychologist revealed the 12 signs that it’s time to end your relationship.

MailOnline spoke to UK-based human behaviour expert and former psychological nurse Jessen James about the red flags that your relationship may be on the rocks.

He says this could be anything, from feeling emotionally detached from your partner to having the same big argument time after time, and feeling frustrated when you’re not listened to.

‘You must be able to openly communicate and discuss conflicts without it causing another argument,’ explained the expert.

Emotional detachment 

Jessen says that feeling emotionally detached from a partner is one of the ‘biggest sure-fire signs’ that you need to assess your relationship.

He said that it is not about ‘going cold’ on somebody but rather when your psychological need to be emotionally dependent on your partner disconnects.

‘At the end of the day, relationships mean you are a team and have a special bond together. When emotional detachment is at play, this critical element of a successful relationship comes under threat,’ the expert said.

‘From a psychological perspective, understanding whether emotional detachment is situational or a deeper pattern is crucial for addressing relationship challenges.

‘It might leave you thinking – if you can’t break the cycle, more is going on, and it might be time for a breakup.’

However, it is important to establish whether this is for a reason outside of your relationship, such as stress from work or lifestyle factors, or if it is a persistent pattern.

Growing resentment 

Jessen said if you’re increasingly feeling as though you have conflicted feelings about your partner, then it’s time to consider a break up.  

He said: ‘The human mind is a complex thing, and even though you may have strong feelings of resentment, you can still love that person, so it can be a very, very complex situation. 

‘Resentment doesn’t just go away on its own – the root cause needs to be addressed and openly communicated to see if it is something you can forgive – don’t suppress your feelings.’

He added that it is key to acknowledge your feelings and identify where this resentment may come from.

Your success triggers tension 

If you feel as though you can’t speak about your work wins or promotions because of tensions at home, this may be another sign that the relationship is not working out.  

The psychologist expert said: ‘Humans are competitive by nature and it’s normal to try and compete with each other, but healthy relationships should be about sharing and celebrating each other’s successes like they are your own.

‘Without this, one can only wonder – why are you worried and apprehensive about sharing your successes? Maybe your partner feels intimidated, worried that you will become more independent and have more outside influence – these are concerning thoughts. 

‘If the latter rings true, then you really must assess whether you are being held back and put down for a reason. And if tensions are triggered, ask yourself the all-important question of whether it’s time to split up.’

You have the same big argument again and again

If you continue to have unresolved issues with your partner, Jessen said it can affect your mental health.

‘You must be able to openly communicate and discuss these conflicts without it causing another argument,’ he added.  

‘If you keep falling back into the same trap and feel like you are on a hamster wheel after trying to resolve your differences, ask yourself whether the relationship is serving you both and if not, perhaps it is time to go your separate ways amicably.

You fantasise about life without them 

While one may dream about a celebrity crush from time to time, fantasising about what life would be like without them is a red flag that it’s time to reevaluate whether your partner is right for you.

Jessen said: ‘Your mind is trying to tell you something. Either unconsciously or consciously, perhaps you desire to not be in the relationship, or a relationship with them. 

‘Trying to figure this out on your own in your own time – perhaps talking to a trusted confidant or seeking a professional who can help you navigate your thoughts and feelings – can help you understand what it is you really want, and if moving on is what you truly desire.’ 

You still hope they will change 

If you’re sticking around and hoping they will change, you may be clinging on to old memories which will delay you from moving on with your life, says Jessen. 

He added: ‘Believe it or not, our brains seek out the good in people – this is how our brains are naturally wired. This is why we believe in hope. Humanity seeks purpose, so this yearning that your partner will change is simply human nature.  

‘But are your expectations in check, or are you simply a bit delusional and need to move on?’

Jessen said that you need to love the person for who they are, not how you want them to be or how you want them to behave.

He explained: ‘If you can’t accept someone for who they are, move on. This is particularly true if boundaries get crossed and they promise they will change, and you believe they will, but unhealthy patterns keep persisting. This is a big warning sign that you need to move on.’

You feel more like your old self when they aren’t around 

Jessen said that if you feel more like who you used to be before they came into your life, then this could be another red flag that you need to break up with them.

‘If you notice you simply can’t be yourself, struggle to relax, feel like you’re walking on eggshells or worried you will make a mistake, and it is a repeated pattern, then this is not good for your long-term wellbeing,’ he said. 

‘If those close to you are telling you that you don’t seem like your old self, ask yourself why this is. 

‘If the reasoning is that your partner’s presence is causing these feelings, it’s important to reflect on whether the relationship is truly supporting your growth and happiness.’

Their little habits make you shudder

If you find yourself getting the ick over your partner’s daily habits, this could be down to communication issues, says Jessen. 

However, he explained that only you can decide whether you can overlook these issues or whether they are a ‘deal breaker’. 

Jessen said: ‘Try and be objective here and don’t get worked up so easily over a quirky habit, but of course, if the habit is unhealthy, then this is something that needs addressing with real communication.’  

‘If the habit is something minor but gives you the ick, then it might be time to wonder whether you have moved on emotionally and need to break up. 

‘If you find yourself getting more annoyed by their little habits, it might be a sign that there are deeper issues in the relationship and it’s time to say goodbye.’

Constantly overthinking your relationship

Finding yourself obsessing over your relationship and constantly thinking about it could be a warning sign that something is not right. 

Jessen said: ‘Relationships should provide a sense of security and comfort and not a never-ending cycle of overthinking that leaves you feeling anxious, uncertain, or confused. This ongoing doubt could suggest a deeper issue, so definitely don’t ignore it.’

Constantly distracted

The human behaviour expert said that zoning out during chats, daydreaming about being single, using your phone as a constant barrier, or focusing on other people could be signs that your partner is no longer right for you. 

This could also mean taking up more hobbies, or deliberately working more, which is called avoidance in psychological terms. 

‘If you are more interested in everything else besides your partner, it’s time to really think about whether this relationship is still right for you,’ he said. 

‘It’s very important to ask yourself what it is in your life that’s causing you to be distracted. Are there genuine career pressures that you are dealing with right now, and is it just a crazy busy period that is causing you or even your partner to be distracted at home? 

‘This is a trap that many successful, career-driven people find themselves in, which can implode a relationship.’

Jessen recommends seeing if you can find some more balance in your life, but not to avoid the inevitable if you need to end a relationship that is no longer functional.  

You no longer feel supported

Relationships and partners can provide much support and it can feel like a shock to the system if you suddenly no longer feel like you have someone to confide in. 

Jessen said: ‘If you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the relationship alone and your partner always seems to be more interested in themselves than you, question your future together. Relationships should be a two-way street at the end of the day.

‘So, if the support is always one-sided, it might indicate a deeper disconnection between you both. ‘

You avoid important conversations

If you actively avoid having hard but important conversations with your partner, it can signal serious problems and is a red flag, according to Jessen. 

It can end up leading to unresolved problems further down the line.

He said: ‘If you find yourself hesitating to bring something up, or when you do, your attempt [fails], it’s definitely time to assess if your relationship is something that will last.

‘At the end of the day, remember, open communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if that’s missing, it may be time to break up if you can’t chat openly and honestly together.’