A BROTHER donated his sperm so his sister-in-law could get pregnant. Now he is the uncle of his biological son.
Adam Zayden, 25, knew that his sister Jade, 29, and her wife Eefje, 30, had been trying to have a child since 2018 but could not find a donor.
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Every time he spoke to them, they sounded “increasingly frustrated” and after three years, Adam suggested that he donate his own sperm to Eefje.
She fell pregnant after six months of trying. She inseminated herself at home with Jade’s help, after Adam had ‘done his thing’ while Jade walked the dog.
Their baby boy, now 16 months old, was born on March 18, 2023, weighing 8.8 pounds.
Jade says her baby has “the butt of me and Adam”, but that she looks most like Eefje.
Adam, a social media influencer from Newham, London, said: “They got so frustrated with the donation process – it just felt like the right and ‘easy’ thing to do.
“This whole process has brought me so much closer to my sister and her partner.
“Now they have a son and I’m very happy for them.”
Jade, a researcher and developer, and Eefje, a veterinarian, who live in Amsterdam, always wanted to have children after they .
“Eefje always wanted children,” says Jade.
“I wasn’t so sure because we had a little sister and it was so much work.
“But in the end I was very happy that we were able to start our own little family.
“And I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
They said that it was very important for them as a couple to have a child of their own.
Adoption seemed like a long and expensive process, so sperm donation seemed the most effective option.
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Despite asking some mutual friends to donate sperm, it all failed.
Instead, they decided to sign up with some ‘alternative’ donation websites.
“They actually started dating to find a donor,” says Adam, who has no children of his own.
“They live in the Netherlands – artificial insemination is not covered health insurance “So the search can be quite extensive.”
How do you become a sperm donor?
Couples who are having difficulty conceiving a child of their own, or same-sex families, may need the help of a sperm donation.
Before a sperm donor can donate sperm, he must undergo a number of tests.
According to CoParent.co.ukCenters may require donors to:
- Be between 18 and 41 years old
- Agree to screening for medical conditions
- Be free from serious medical disabilities or sexually transmitted diseases
- Be healthy and fit
- Know and provide information about their family’s medical history (parents, grandparents, siblings, and children)
- Have no hereditary diseases in the family
- Do not do drugs
- Agree that their identification may be released if requested by any person conceived as a result of their donations once that person reaches the age of 18.
- Provide proof of identity (copy of passport or driver’s license)
- Be willing to spend time on the sperm donation process
- Have high sperm quality (motility, number and shape).
To find the nearest accredited clinic, please visit the Website of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA).
Eefje and Jade discovered that a number of sperm donors asked to become pregnant the ‘natural’ way: through unprotected sex.
Adam said, “They had a few Nice people.
“But they were in a rather unfortunate situation, while in the beginning everything was going very well.
“They even drew up a donor contract with him. That is an agreement in which you record how you want the donation to proceed.
“But he literally turned around and said he wanted to do it the ‘natural’ way.
“He wanted sleep with my sister-in-law – which was never quite what they wanted.
“The intention was actually for him to go to the toilet.
“Then my sister-in-law inseminates herself.”
Although they did not have to pay compensation to the donors, they often lost money on a journey to meet them.
Eefje and Jade became increasingly frustrated with the process.
“It was really an emotional rollercoaster,” Jade adds.
“Because you open yourself up at your most vulnerable moments.
“You are essentially welcoming strangers into your life.
“You are then dependent on strangers to help you achieve one of your biggest dreams.”
Eefje said: “You are also exposed to a lot of potential hate.
“Whether that is by sharing your experiences, or just in general while searching for a donor.”
In 2021, they called Adam to explain how hopeless they felt – and asked him if he would consider donating his own sperm.
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“They joked before that I would give them mine,” he added.
“But I didn’t realize that they were really open to that.
“After all their trials and tribulations, they called me sometime in 2021.
“They basically just said, ‘We’re really struggling with this.’ And did I think it was okay?”
Adam said it was an easy decision.
He doesn’t want any children of his own futureso he thought this would be a good opportunity to help his sister.
“It wasn’t really that big of a problem,” he said.
“I’m queer myself and I don’t really see myself having children.”
Before Adam could donate, he had to undergo a number of tests to determine if he was a suitable donor.
He had an STD test done, which was positive. His sperm quality was also tested.
“I discovered that I am very fertile,” he added.
“That’s always fun to discover.”
It wasn’t until we properly started the process that we realised how great it was to have someone like Adam to help us.
Jade
The doctors then asked him to take a ‘pill’ to increase sperm production and to keep track of when Eefje ovulated.
He said: “Every evening that week Jade would walk the dog.
“I went upstairs, did my thing and gave Eefje the sperm.”
Adam did this six to seven days a month, between December 2021 and June 2022.
In June 2022, Eefje discovered she was pregnant – just two weeks later – and their baby was born on March 18, 2023.
“I’ve met him a few times now,” Adam said.
“I’m his uncle, but I’m called ‘bibi’. We hope that when he starts talking I’ll be called ‘bibi Adam’.
“He is a very cheerful and happy child.”
Jade said: “It wasn’t until we really got the process going that we realised how great it was to have someone like Adam helping us.
“It was nice to have someone you really know and trust because it’s such an emotional time.”
