A WOMAN feels “terrible” after telling her daughter she can no longer babysit her granddaughter.
She explained that she babysat her granddaughter on Sundays and Mondays so that her daughter and son-in-law could “get a good night’s sleep during their work week.”
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Although the situation had been going well so far, she continued with the Reddit post to admit that she’s having a hard time right now – especially since she lives in a mobile home and “can’t childproof everything.”
“She’s at a difficult age where she likes everything,” she said of the 13-month-old baby.
“She also doesn’t know what no means yet, so I stay over her to protect her.
“She’ll grab anything that isn’t nailed down. Out of curiosity, I know, but I’m still concerned.”
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When she told her daughter she “needed a break” because her “anxiety was through the roof,” she “got angry and said a lot of nasty things to me.”
“I cried a lot and I feel terrible,” she continued.
“Now my daughter doesn’t talk to me about it anymore.”
She added that she had tried to tell her daughter that she “just wanted to be a grandma again and not be the person who always says no”, but that she had “become a wreck and felt like a horrible person”.
She even gets medication for her anxiety.
And when she questioned whether she had done the right thing, people in the comments kept insisting that she had.
“Put on your own oxygen mask first, grandma,” one person wrote.
“Your daughter should be more concerned about your health than whether she has free babysitting.
“You’re not the babysitter they need (to get to work) – you give them plenty of time to relax before the work week starts.
“But now you’re burned out. You’re stressed. Don’t. Feel. Guilty!!
“Don’t do that! You have nothing to feel bad about.
“You help where you can and now not so much anymore. That’s normal and okay!”
How can you politely ask grandparents for help with childcare?
MANY of us trust our parents to care for our children.
Especially when you consider that daycare centers, childminders and toddler schools are often very expensive.
But we must remember that they have done all this before.
They’ve been through naughty things, tantrums, refusing to sleep and everything in between.
Can we really blame them if they don’t feel like doing it again?
I am lucky that my parents look after my children during the school holidays when I am working. Before they went to school, they were with them once a week.
But I’ve always tried my best not to assume that this is acceptable to them. It’s not a given.
There are a few other things you can try if you want to politely ask your parents for help.
- Consider their needs – Like I said, they’ve been through this before and we can’t blame them if they don’t want to do it again. If they’re not excited about your original pitch, why not calmly talk to them about what they could arrange? That way everyone is happy
- Provide all the supplies – Make it clear that you are sending your children to them with all the supplies they need. They may not use the diapers or wipes you provide, but they will find it reassuring to know that they are there – and will not feel like you are expecting them to provide these supplies.
- Be flexible – Even if they have agreed to look after their grandchildren, things change. Especially if they are also retired – they also want holidays or weekends away. So it is important to be flexible and have alternative arrangements in mind if they decide to take a trip.
“You sound like an incredible, selfless grandma,” another insisted.
“I would do anything to be able to babysit my six- and three-year-olds like this for just one evening a year (every two years? every ten years?).
“I understand that you need sleep, as I have had two bad sleepers. However, your daughter has a partner and therefore does NOT NEED this help.”
As a third said: “My mother helps me three times a week.
“If she ever decided she needed a break, I would never hold it against her.
“She has already done so much for me.
“I’m sorry your daughter treats you like that, you don’t deserve that.”
