Standing at the school gates, I froze in shock as another mother listed her PayPal details.
In a very casual way, she had just asked for £5 for a play date with her five-year-old.
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It seemed like the most bizarre thing ever.
At my daughter’s previous school in Folkestone, Kent, this would never have happened.
Who would be so petty as to charge parents for a play date? What was I paying for? For some paint? And Apple?
Yet not only did everyone take the time to write down this mother’s PayPal address, they also acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
“Here you have it,” said one woman, as another handed her the money without thinking.
When I told my friends about a mother who demanded a fiver from everyone in exchange for a few hours with her child, they were as shocked as I was.
‘I’m ashamed now that I was so judgmental’
Still, I paid the £5.
Since I only moved into the neighborhood four months ago, I didn’t want to cause any drama or embarrass my daughter.
It wasn’t long before I noticed that almost all the parents in the village were doing the same.
Sometimes they only asked for £2 or £3.
Once I was asked for £8 for the bus fare to the park and the cost of the journey.
A few weeks later, I discussed the issue with another mother from the neighborhood when we met for coffee.
I was surprised when she argued that asking for a contribution is the fairest thing you can do and that it is unreasonable to expect someone else to feed and water your child.
“You have no idea if another family might be in financial trouble,” she told me.
Suddenly I realized that this woman was right.
It’s clear that a visit from my daughter’s friends can quickly throw my weekly budget into disarray.
Rebecca neat
Britain is facing a huge cost of living crisis. When you consider that there is a huge queue outside our village church foodbank every day, some parents may find the extra cost of a playdate a real challenge.
I’m ashamed now that I was so judgmental.
According to recent figures, 4.3 million children – 30 percent of all children in the country – lived in poverty in 2023.
In single-parent families, this percentage has risen to 44 percent.
I am a 37 year old single mother and I work long hours to pay my bills.
I plan well in advance to make sure I have enough money for groceries and other necessary expenses.
It’s clear that a visit from my daughter’s friends can quickly throw my weekly budget into disarray, so I decided to follow suit.
Sure, I felt awkward when I first asked for money. But everyone gave it with pleasure.
The cost of lunch quickly adds up, while an ice cream in the park always costs £1 or £2.
‘There will always be someone who is offended’
I also do a lot of crafting with the children so I always ask for £3 to cover material costs.
But when I posted on Instagram that I would now charge money for play dates, I deleted the post because of the huge negative reactions I received.
“I bet your kid will never get a play date again,” one person said, while others noted that it was selfish to ask for money and said they didn’t want their kid to come to my house.
I felt indignant and irritated.
But on the internet there will always be someone who is offended.
And now that the kids are on summer vacation, there are even more play dates.
This was highlighted in a post on Mumsnet, where one woman said it was costing her a three-figure sum every week to feed her son’s friends over the festive period.
They are 11 or 12 years old and eat like horses.
“I’m not sure how to approach this, or what to do,” she said.
“Can I ask their parents for a contribution and if so, what is reasonable? They are often there between 9am and 6pm.”
I have no patience with parents who expect others to foot the bill for their child.
Rebecca neat
It turns out she wasn’t the only one suffering, but I was surprised how many mothers still told her not to ask for money.
I might have said the same thing originally, but I’ve seen the light.
It’s just common sense.
Parents who get offended when their child asks for money show how thoughtless modern society has become.
We forget to consider the consequences of our own actions on others.
Nowadays I have no patience with parents who expect others to take over. the bill for their child.
I’m definitely not going to stop asking for money for playdates. And I’m so grateful to that other mom who inspired me to think differently.
As told to: ANNA ROBERTS
