I don’t want to be a stepmother anymore – I feel used, tired and my money is being used up

A WOMAN has revealed she feels used and exhausted and doesn’t want to be a stepparent anymore.

She explained that she and her 12-year-old stepdaughter have always had a great relationship, but now feels like she is just being used for her money.

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The woman claimed that her stepdaughter’s mother not only makes her feel miserable, but she also has to deal with the trauma her stepdaughter is facing.

The woman opened up about her situation and took to Reddit to reveal everything, leaving many open-mouthed.

Post to the r/stepmother thread, under the username @whisperingvelvet33, the social media user captioned her post “I don’t want to be a stepparent anymore.”

She went on to say that as her stepdaughter gets older, she’s starting to notice her mother’s “terrible personality traits.”

The anonymous woman admitted: “We have 50/50 [custody] (newly founded, fought in court for years to get more than standard because mother is unfit and my stepdaughter lives in a house with a bunch of drug addicts).

“Her mother does her utmost to make my husband and me as miserable as possible.

“It usually doesn’t bother me, but now she’s doing things through my stepdaughter.”

The woman explained that she spends money on her stepdaughter, but often encounters difficult behavior when she returns from visiting her mother.

She confessed, “I feel like I’m only good enough to take my stepdaughter out to do things, to spend my money on her, to buy her. Nice things, etc.

“Normally we have a very good relationship, but every time she comes back from her mother, it takes three days for her to get back to ‘normal’. Then you go back and start the process all over again.

“I’m mentally exhausted. She’s so behind in school, her adulthood, basically everything.

“I feel like we have twelve years of negative impact and trauma to try to turn the tide and I have no idea where to start.

“My husband basically acts like I’m her mother, her mother doesn’t even do anything for her, so I feel like I’m a single parent to a child I didn’t even create.”

Different parenting styles explained

There are four recognized parenting styles explained below:

Authoritarian parenting

What some might describe as “regimental” or “strict parenting.”

Parents with this style focus on strict rules, obedience, and discipline.

Authoritarian parents take over decision-making power and rarely give children any input in the matter.

When it comes to rules, you believe it’s “my way or the highway.”

Permissive parenting

Often referred to as ‘gentle parenting’ or ‘yes mothers/fathers’.

Permissive parents are lenient and only intervene when there is a serious problem.

They are quite forgiving and adopt a ‘kids will be kids’ attitude.

They often act more like friends than like authority figures.

Authoritative parenting

Authoritative parents give their children rules and boundaries, but also give them the freedom to make decisions.

With an authoritative parenting style, parents validate their children’s feelings while making it clear that adults are ultimately in charge.

They use positive reinforcement techniques, such as praise and reward systems, as opposed to severe punishment.

Negligent or uninvolved parenting

Essentially, neglectful parents neglect their children, who receive little guidance, care, and parental attention.

They set no rules or expectations and usually have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.

Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They do not spend much time and energy on meeting the basic needs of children.

Uninvolved parents can be negligent, but this is not always intentional. For example, a parent with mental health or substance abuse issues may not be able to consistently care for a child’s physical or emotional needs.

The woman said that although she realizes everything happens for a reason, she feels “tired” and “used.”

She concluded, “I know they say God puts everyone in situations for a reason, and maybe I’m here to help her because I’m her safe place.

“But man, I feel so used and really consider the nacho parenting just for my own mental health. I’m so tired and feel so alone. Sigh.”

REDDIT USERS REACT

Reddit users flocked to the comments to share their thoughts on the situation, with many advising the poster to talk to her husband and ask for help.

One person said: ‘This is too much responsibility to take on alone. The husband must step up and take over all parenting duties.”

You’ve done your best and done your very best, but now it’s time for her parents to do their part

Reddit user

Another added: “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m just coming out of this feeling and I definitely echo what other commenters have recommended: take a step back so dad (and mom) can step up.

A third commented: “I’m in a similar situation and I definitely recommend being a NACHO parent.

UK childcare legislation: what do parents need to know?

“You’ve done your best and done your very best, but now it’s time for her parents to do their part.

“You did not enter into this relationship to take on the responsibility of others; you are there for support.

‘Please take care of yourself because if you don’t it will only get worse. You exhaust yourself to nothing and also develop resentment.

“If you can leave the house for a longer period of time. Go on vacation or go to the home of family or friends and be at peace with just yourself.”