WHEN Heather Rose took to Facebook to record her daily live video for her fans, she expected as many people to watch as she, a wannabe beauty influencer, were eager to hear her advice.
When around 5,000 people responded to the chat in the first few minutes, the 45-year-old was initially happy. But soon they started sending her horrible messages.
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Heather didn’t know that the link to her video had been shared in a Facebook “troll group,” which encourages its members to send abusive messages to victims.
For ten minutes, the Lancashire mother of one tried to keep her cool and stop the trolls from getting to her, who posted comments like: “You’re ugly” and “Go kill yourself”.
But as soon as the video stopped, Heather, who was terribly bullied at school, burst into tears.
Heather shares in this exclusive interview: “I kept seeing the numbers go up and I thought I had made it as a beauty influencer, or something had gone wrong.
“Then I saw the reactions.
“It was horrible things like ‘you shouldn’t be on this planet’, ‘no one is going to buy beauty products from you, you ugly person’, ‘go kill yourself’.
“It was horrible. I thought I could end the live event there and then and they would know they won, or I could ignore them, so I did.
“But afterwards I cried to my husband Barry, because it broke me emotionally.
“Now it’s part of what I teach others about social media: I want others to learn from my experiences.”
In 2017, Heather was selling beauty products and trying to make it as an influencer.
Every morning at 9am, she recorded live videos for her followers, showing mothers who had to drop their children off at school quick makeup routines and recommending products.
About 10 people would join live each day. But on April 4, 2017, Heather watched the numbers continue to grow.
At first, Heather was happy that her content was reaching a wider audience, but when the abuse started, she realized there was a problem.
Comments included ‘you fat bitch’, ‘you don’t deserve to be here’, ‘who would look at you?’ ‘Do everyone a favour and end your life’, as the number of people who joined in live reached a massive 5,000.
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Heather managed to reach the end of her video before bursting into tears, just as another message appeared on Facebook.
A stranger reported that Heather’s video had been maliciously posted to a Facebook troll group on “National Troll Day” and all members had been asked to insult each other.
Heather said: “That person must have been in the group or they wouldn’t have known what was happening. They said they felt sorry for me but I ignored them and blocked them, just like everyone else.
“I thought maybe she had a conscience and she had compassion and maybe she was brainwashed into this cult or whatever they want to call it.
“But it was really heartbreaking because I had insecurities in the past and struggled with my mental health, even trying to take my own life when I was 16.
“The trolls didn’t care about that, they didn’t care what they said to anyone or if I had a history of problems. I could have left that life and tried to end my own life and I would have succeeded, and they wouldn’t have cared.”
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Barry, 46, and Heather’s mindset coach spent 24 hours deleting and blocking the comments.
Heather admitted she is “lucky” to have a strong network of support around her, otherwise the situation could have been much worse.
She said: “The comments were absolutely awful and took me back to when I was severely bullied at secondary school.
“I was also bullied as an adult and it seems like there is a pattern of people bullying me.
“If I had been able to see this live on video, it could have been damaging to my mental health and it could have gone very, very wrong.
“Luckily for me, I worked on myself. I have a very supportive husband and I worked with a mindset coach at the time.”
The next day, Heather took to Facebook again for her morning live, determined not to let the trolls win.
She said: “About 50 people showed up to support me, so the trolls were actually doing me a favour. I posted about what happened and people came to my live.
“Everyone is quick to say #bekind, but they also forget quickly. Look at the tragic actions of Caroline Flack or others in similar situations.
“To troll someone on that level, there has to be something they’re insecure about. Maybe they’ve been through a trial and this is their way of coping.”
Heather, who runs Pink fizz social, and mother of 16-year-old son Isaac, decided to embrace the mindset that “bullies don’t deserve airtime.”
Surprisingly, the barrage of hate had a counterproductive effect on Heather’s social media following, with her gaining more daily viewers and support from others.
These trolls don’t matter, they don’t pay your bills, they are insignificant
Heather Rose
She said: “It actually had a positive effect on me, even though it was devastating at the time.
“Now I not only teach people about social media, but I also want to use my experiences to help people become more confident and know that they are in control of their own story, not the trolls.
“I want to give other people the power to be visible. These trolls don’t matter, they don’t pay your bills, they are unimportant.”
However, Heather finds it unfortunate that these attacks are still happening and points out that many women are ‘afraid’ to be visible on social media for fear of being trolled.
She emphasized that it hinders many people in their entrepreneurship.
She said: “They just hear about celebrities being trolled and it stops people from putting themselves out there online and being authentic.”
Despite her experience with trolls, Heather started her own social media mentoring business in 2021, specializing in Facebook marketing.
Heather was able to process her experience of being trolled by viewing the comments as not personally directed at her.
She realised that the trolls weren’t out to “insult Heather that day” – and that they would have made the same comments to anyone.
She said: “Maybe something happened to them in the past. Maybe they’ve been through a ordeal and this is their way of coping, but then there are trolls who just do it for kicks.
“They don’t deserve our airtime and they don’t deserve to be part of our journey. We are in control of our own destiny and they don’t deserve to be part of it.
“These people and these incidents that happen in our lives, we can’t let them take control. We have to take back that control and make it the best life that we can, because life is too short.
“The more people speak out, the more positive things can happen and the more kindness is said online, the more these trolls will be drowned out.”
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