I had a relationship with a narcissist for 23 years … Here are the shocking warning signals that I ignored

Kamini Wood was 23 years old when she married a narcissist.

After 23 years of marriage, she realized that she had missed a number of major early warning signals.

Wood and her former partner date only six months before they fianved themselves.

She told The Daily Mail that when they were dating, there were many manipulation tactics involved, including love bombing (when someone offers excessive flattery and attention without essentially knowing you good enough) and when someone imitates your behavior to create a false sense of connection).

“Of course it felt great at the time and I was not aware of these as drawing,” she said, and noticed that when people “love” themselves, they can often ignore signs the way she did.

“But as time went, there was more gas light, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, isolation, keeping track of where I was, being interrogated, humiliated, and then the” I will change “hoovering so that the cycle would continue.”

Wood said that this behavior was only improved as the years progressed – especially as the alcohol consumption of her partner increased.

She explained that it was not his actions that raised the flag for her, but rather the person she had become in response.

“I always ran on eggshells, measuring things I said and did, worry about the consequences of what I said or how I said it, and noticed how much worries, stress and fear I always held,” Wood said.

‘I noticed that I consistently apologized and was told that I was always [misremembering] things or overly sensitive. ‘

And because Wood was so exposed to this behavior, she has developed a level of experience that she used for her own good – now she works as a narcissistic abuse specialist in her own practice.

Wood received her training from the School of Trauma, inquired positive psychology and completed extra education about narcissistic abuse on Pesi.

In her role, she helps others to cure this kind of trauma and go through it.

“I have promised not to be a victim of what happened in my life, but rather to let it grow and learn it,” Wood said.

“And I feel called to help others by working and healing through it.”

In retrospect, Wood said that she would consider her ex-husband as a well-functioning narcissist, because he acted much differently outside the house than behind closed doors.

Wood said that a well -functioning narcissist can seem charming, confident and successful at first sight, but can handle it conveniently if they are alone with their partner.

She said that while they long for admiration and want to be recognized, they rarely recognize the importance of their partners or others.

There is a lack of accountability and empathy.

“Their empathy feels more like a performance than as a real connection, called cognitive empathy,” Wood explained.

“They are very concerned about their image and can distort the truth to protect it.”

And when it comes to generosity, it is often transactional and is usually only offered when it benefits them.

“In relationships they subtly undermine others, so that you focus your feelings or reality second,” she said.

‘They can only publicly criticize or manipulate your prizes.

“While they are looking for a connection, it is usually on their conditions, with control and power in the middle.”

She explained that people usually stay in relationships with narcissists because of deep fear, trauma tires or low self -image.

And this low self -respect can prevent victims from calling their traumas.

“One thing that I have consistently observed is that survivors often minimize their experiences, they reconsider themselves, they blame themselves, they ask:” What did I do that I got here or caused it, “because the abuse was so treacherous,” Wood said.

“Many even struggle to name the abuse.”

She blamed society of stigma against mentioning an abuser what they are.

Wood also said that she noticed the fault and shame that victims feel often, especially because they allowed themselves to stay with their abuser for so long.

This mentality can ultimately lead to the loss of self -confidence.

“Narcissistic dynamics often erode the ability of a person to trust his own feelings, instincts and perceptions, causing a deep loss of self and self -esteem,” Wood said.

Although she was already aware of the incredible power needed to leave an abuser, Wood said that working with her customers only confirmed those feelings.

It has been useful to remind herself and its customers that healing is not linear and that the goal is not to ‘go back to who they were’ but rather become a new stronger, wiser and more self -bound version of themselves.

“Every story is different, but the common denominator is the resilience needed to change survival,” she said.

The only way to break out of these relationships, she says, is consciousness.

‘Once you are informed, you can accept that this is what it is and start taking action, “she said.

“Action includes the search for support, creating a plan and doing a lot of work to give you the power and courage to leave and, of course, to cure.”