I had only slept with one guy before I found sex clubs at 46 – now I hit guys

For twenty years, Fiona Grey* had a ‘mainstream’ sex life with the same man – the only lover she had ever been with.

But after walking into a fetish club for the first time at the age of 46, the PR worker’s eyes were opened.

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The modest south London venue was full of men being led on a leash and people of both sexes being beaten and caned for pleasure.

Here she tells Fabulous her story…

When I nervously walked into a fetish club for the first time in my life, I immediately noticed a man on all fours walking around on a leash.

His mistress carried a whip, spoke sternly to him, and when he wanted to drink some of his beer, she made him lick it out of his dog bowl.

My first reaction was shock. I was intrigued to see that this could turn people on.

I was 46 years old and it was the first time I experienced something like this.

There were people carrying canes and there was a room where people could go and have sex if they wanted, while others watched. Some wore masks, others wore very little.

It wasn’t at all what I expected, but I’m glad I went. The experience completely changed my sex life – and for the better.

I have always been a very shy person and grew up in a very conservative environment. I felt a lot of shame about my body and sex and was never told it was something to enjoy.

I was 21 when I first started dating and having sex. I only had one partner when I met a man who I ended up working with for twenty years.

We had a nice life, but we only had ‘traditional’ sex and to be honest I always found it boring.

I felt something was missing. But because I had no self-confidence, I kept telling myself that I was lucky to have a partner at all.

We never married, but that relationship lasted twenty years. I was in my 40s when it ended and suddenly I found myself in a whole new world of online dating.

The way people met had changed so much at that time, but once again I felt so bored and disappointed by meeting people online and going on dates.

Most of the time they were more like job interviews.

However, along the way I met a few people who went to fetish clubs. I asked them what it was like and felt so intrigued.

We became friends and one friend in particular encouraged me to give it a try. The idea of ​​doing something different and getting myself out of this dating rut was so exciting.

I reached my forties without ever trying anything else and felt like I was missing something.

I discovered that there were people living all kinds of different lifestyles and I wanted a piece of the action for myself.

A few of my new friends agreed to come with me and in the spring of 2022 we went to a Torture Garden night at a nightclub near Kings Cross in London.

Before I went, I searched the website to get an idea of ​​what to wear. I chose something very stereotypical, I think, because I really had no idea what I was doing.

I bought a PVC corset and a leather skirt from a charity shop selling vintage and quirky clothes in Hackney. And I wore high-heeled leather boots and a long red wig so I could look and feel completely different, and I spent about £80.

I was really excited to get dressed and make myself look attractive.

For years I hadn’t even danced, let alone done anything like that. I was completely out of my comfort zone. I was very curious and went with an open mind that first time.

It’s not a big scene, so when we arrived I was surprised to see that many people already knew each other.

A lot of people were just chatting with friends and having very normal conversations while wearing the craziest costumes I’ve ever seen.

Men and women wore masks, often very few. It was shocking because I wasn’t used to seeing so many people feeling so comfortable naked or in very revealing, exotic costumes.

Many of the costumes left little to the imagination. There was a lot of latex, leather and people carrying whips or canes. There were several people walking on the line.

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Many of the women looked very glamorous and you could tell they had spent hours on their makeup, hair and costumes.

Some men go as they please, being submissive to a woman. Some people go because they like pain and wanted a cane to be used.

There are all kinds of fetishes, some things I had never heard of before, like people dressed as animals, men wearing latex hoods that only show their eyes and mouth, people being beaten and people wearing ball gags in their mouths.

The man pretending to be a dog was one of the strangest things I saw. I thought it was strange that someone would pretend to be a pet, but to each their own.

There were many rules and even the environment was strange to me, I felt very safe.

It was not a back street club, but a professional business. They’re really big on the idea of ​​consent. Nobody does anything they don’t want to do.

You don’t have to participate, you can just watch. Everyone is respectful and you have the same rules as other clubs regarding drugs and health and safety.

You are not allowed to take photos or videos without people’s permission. There are many different rooms at these locations.

People may engage in activities commonly referred to as “play,” which could mean someone enjoying bondage play, being spanked, teased, or canned in one room while another room is a perfectly normal dance floor with a bar.

Some clubs have an area where people can have sex and where you can watch if you want. I’ve seen this. But the idea of ​​participating never appealed to me.

It’s not a sex club where people have sex everywhere. Some clubs do not allow this at all.

People from all walks of life attend fetish nights, from nurses and police officers to academics and plumbers, and they were all aged from their twenties to their seventies. Couples and singles.

I began to immerse myself in this scene. I never did anything at the club nights, but I made friends and once I felt comfortable with them I would sometimes try things in private.

I enjoyed discovering my dominant side.

This was something I had never tried before and I loved everything about the latex and leather costumes, carrying a small whip and having a man in a submissive position or on a leash calling me ‘mistress’ and made sure they satisfied me. I love having a man at my feet.

It was a very interesting way to spice up my sex life and build self-confidence. I also briefly tried the submissive side, but I realized I wasn’t keen on being spanked!

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I never told friends about my ‘old’ life. I think they would have been shocked if they had known what I was planning. There is still a stigma attached to it. It’s not something you can share at work.

I’ve since moved from London to Kent and don’t go to fetish clubs anymore, but I’m so glad I did and that it’s still part of my sexuality.

It has boosted my confidence and changed the way I see myself. As an older woman, I have so much more confidence in my body and what I can do with it.

I’ve realized that you can be sexy and attractive at any age. It’s not just twenty-somethings who have a great sex life and experiment, and then it all goes downhill.

I now have a less ‘British’ attitude to sex.

As a woman, I know it’s okay to express your desires and fantasies and explore power dynamics. I enjoyed dressing up and being the dominant partner. For the first time in my life I put my own pleasure first.

I’m still single by choice

But I met a lot of great people on this trip. For me it was a bit of an escape from everyday life.

Some people live this life almost every day. I didn’t want to fall into that trap. I just wanted to try something different. One of the downsides is that many men are only looking for someone to fulfill their fantasy or fetish.

They don’t look at you as a person, only at the fantasy you give. In the long run, that’s not the kind of relationship I want to have.

When I meet someone, I want him or her to see me for who I am, at least most of the time. The latex and whip can still be removed at the weekend.

*Names have been changed to protect Fiona’s identity