I had sex with my hubby 3 weeks after giving birth and we are now doing it 5 times a week

As I lay on the lounge chair next to my beautiful husband Gio, I felt myself relaxing.

Later we went back to our room and made love before getting dressed for a kid-free dinner.

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We were on a romantic vacation in Dubai, thousands of miles away from our six-month-old daughter, Blu.

No part of me felt guilty leaving her, but my social media followers were shocked when they saw my Instagram posts.

I’m an influencer and I was targeted mercilessly; I was accused, especially by other mothers, of not caring about my daughter and of being a terrible mother.

I received thousands of DMs from women saying I didn’t deserve to have children. I was shocked.

The sheer volume and vitriol were extraordinary.

I really love my daughter.

She was completely safe at home with her 19-year-old sister Tanisha and my mother, but I also love my husband, and I crave time with him – alone – so we can bond as a couple.

Blu is now three and we have continued to make sure we have time away from her.

I agree with Russell Kane, who sparked controversy when he spoke about his 10-year relationship with his wife Lindsey.

He revealed that they still have sex five times a week, and that before having their nine-year-old daughter Minna, they had conversations about how to baby-proof their marriage.

They discussed getting her into a sleep routine so they could have quality time together, and agreed to go away for a weekend before she was three months old.

Russell, 49, believes it’s important for couples to have conversations about their expectations before the baby is born – because it’s easy for the man to feel like an outcast, relegated to the guest room, if they’re not made a priority.

He’s not wrong.

One in five marriages end within a year of having a baby, so why not do everything you can to make sure that doesn’t happen?

Before we had Blu, Gio and I agreed that we would never let go of our relationship, and we both stuck to that.

We even discussed childcare arrangements with my mother, to make sure she would be on board to help.

I love Gio and want to spend time with him.

I love our daughter too, but not more than my husband.

We made love for the first time three weeks after Blu was born, when I felt ready, and soon we were back to normal four or five times a week.

Sex is important to me – I love it, both the physical element and the mental connection.

I realize some women may say they are exhausted or that they won’t like their changing body.

I stayed slim during my pregnancy and got back into shape – and I was 40, so it’s possible.

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Blu was in her own room from four months and before that Tanisha was happy to let her spend the night in her bedroom so we could have space and make love without having to worry about waking Blu.

Yes, some women deal with hormonal fluctuations, but I’m skeptical that it would make a difference to your sex drive if you really want it.

Although I recognize that I haven’t breastfed, which might make a difference.

We also go on a date night at least once a week, usually twice.

Since that first holiday abroad, we’ve had many child-free spa holidays, long weekends and a week in the Maldives this year.

We have even more sex while we’re away, which helps the connection.

I do miss Blu, but I know she is safe and well cared for.

I’m lucky that we have a lot of support.

Tanisha and her younger brother Jayden, 17, who still live with us in Hertfordshire, are happy to look after her, and so is my mother.

But if we didn’t have that, we would pay someone or have a friend babysit and return the favor.

‘He never feels neglected’

Let’s face it, ladies.

If you don’t make your husband a priority, it’s because you don’t want to.

I should know: I used the kids as an excuse not to spend time with my first husband, or tiredness as a reason not to have sex because I didn’t love him and didn’t want to be with him.

I met Gio, a photographer, when I was 27 and married.

He was also with someone else.

I ended my marriage shortly after, but Gio continued his relationship for ten years before we officially got together five years ago and got married in 2023.

Although my children were young in our early days – Tanisha was six and Jayden four – I was happy to leave them with a live-in nanny while I went away with Gio.

I was and still am in love with him, and when you are in love, you want to be with that person.

That doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids, but you don’t have to micromanage them to be a good mother.

What you need to be a good mother is to be happy, and spending time with my husband makes me happy.

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And it makes him happy to know that he is not permanently in the pecking order among the children.

I make sure he never feels neglected so there is never a problem, and he does the same for me.

We always celebrate our own Christmas party without the children a few days before the big day.

The oldest two are staying with friends and my mother has Blu.

Last year we had some amazing food, like oysters and poussin with all the trimmings, that they wouldn’t appreciate.

I got dressed, we drank champagne and then we made love in the sitting room and ate expensive chocolates – the kids got Cadburys.

It’s times like these that get you through the mundanity that inevitably comes with parenthood.

Gio and I are very much in it together.

We both love Blu and my oldest children, but agree that everyone has needs that need to be met.

You may not agree with me, but when men feel left out by their children, they have affairs.

I’ve heard moms say that the romance is on hold, but they are good friends with their husbands and that side comes back when they’re not so tired.

But I believe husbands will find romance and sex if they don’t get it at home.

Children should not be more important than your partner, they are equal

Russel Kane

Gio agrees and acknowledges that I would do the same if I felt ignored.

As Russell says, “Men want their wives back. Men love sex. We love our women.

‘We love our children too, but we want both.

“We don’t want to eat Pot Noodle and masturbate in the guest room.

“Children should not be more important than your partner, they are equal.”

It’s very true.

You may be rolling your eyes reading this, but the truth is, I don’t think women put themselves in men’s shoes enough.

I know that if Gio took me out of bed and slept with a baby and we barely made love, I would feel neglected.

And it could end our marriage if I consistently felt second best.

So why are women surprised when men feel this way?

They are too absorbed in “being a mother” and cannot empathize with their husband’s feelings.

I think it helps that Gio is hands-on and we’re both in love with Blu, so I’m not tired, and we make it work together.

If you have the right mindset, having children doesn’t have to destroy your relationship; they are equal, not something to sacrifice your entire life to.

It’s not just couples who break up shortly after having children.

Another flashpoint is when the children leave the house.

You have neglected your relationship so much that the only thing you have in common are the children.

And when they leave, your relationship remains in tatters.

When my kids leave, I know Gio and I will still be in a healthy place because we always made time for each other.

If you’re a new mom, take my advice and prioritize your husband.

Don’t make your whole life about the kids, or they might be the only things you have left.