I have always feared that my hateful ex would take out our daughter. Now I have discovered that he has done something much worse: ask Jana

Dear Jana,

My ex-husband recently died and I just discovered something that was made sick in my stomach.

We were married for 12 years and have a daughter; However, their relationship was always difficult.

As our marriage was tense, she chose me, as daughters often do. He became resentful, aloof – which of course she did not earn.

Even after our divorce, he did not make an attempt to restore bridges with her. My daughter is not perfect – sometimes she was confronting with him – but I always felt that it was his duty as a father to take the high ground.

Despite this, when he fell ill, she visited him. She took care of him. Although it was not her responsibility to do this, she took the initiative when repairing their gap.

At his funeral she showed grace beyond her years.

I will never forget her praise that had us all in tears.

Now I have read and discovers his will that he has not left anything behind her. Not a cent, no real estate or shares, not even a souvenir. He did not even explain his decision in a letter.

Everything that should have been left to my daughter went to his stepdaughter of his second marriage. I have always feared that he could cut her, but this feels deliberately cruel.

I broke the news to her. She tries to be strong, but I know she hurts. She is a millennial and has friends who bought first houses with their inheritance – now she feels left behind.

I don’t know if I should tell her to dispute or just let it go.

Honestly,

Omitted.

Bestly left,

This can be a unpopular opinion, but I say it disputed. This is why.

This was not a supervision; It was intentional. Your ex chose to send a last, hateful message to your daughter and that was: you don’t care.

With the deepest respect, things that!

This is not about money; It’s about the principle and dignity of your daughter. It is also about being foreseen – which is the point of an inheritance.

Yes, it will be messy. There will be painful phone calls, legal costs and undoubtedly some disapproving family members who think you should simply respect the wishes of your ex-husband. Let them talk.

If your daughter wins, great: she gets something that should always have been her.

If she doesn’t, she still walks away, knowing that she did not let herself be erased by her father’s inheritance.

Of course give her the option and if she doesn’t want to pursue it, fine.

But make sure that that decision comes from a position of clarity, not of shame to deny.

Your role in all this is to show her what unconditional love looks like. Stand by her side and fight against the good fight.

Dear Jana,

During dinner last week, my husband told me casually that years ago he received a massage on a business trip in Asia with a ‘Happy End’.

He told the story as if it were funny and said it didn’t play as false. I was speechless.

I can’t stop thinking about it. He says I blade it out of proportion, but I feel blind and betrayed.

I don’t know how the hell he thinks it is not unfaithful that another woman masturbates him on a massage table. Am I getting angry?

Honestly,

Rubbed in the wrong direction

Dear rubbed in the wrong direction,

I think this is pretty black and white: if a man lets another woman hit his Willy, he is cheating.

I don’t care if it happened during a business trip or as part of a ‘massage’. If it ended in an orgasm while he has a devoted relationship, it is cheating. Point.

Also, those things are not free extra. She would have offered the service and he would have paid for it.

Part of me wonders if he has thrown it there to test the waters with you. Did he try to see if he could get away with it again? Possible.

You don’t respond exaggerated. I know my friends, excuse my French, losing their s *** when their husband told them they had paid for a handjob.

Feeling pulled is a completely normal reaction – please not yourself. No, what he did may not be the same as rolling in a brothel, but it is close enough.

You must have a serious conversation with him. Ask him why he has never mentioned this before and whether he really thinks it is acceptable.

Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

If he tests you, it’s time to show him that actions have consequences, and no, it’s not funny. Paying for a sexual act is not something that boys just do while they are abroad.

You must seriously think about your future if he refuses to take responsibility.

Dear Jana,

I am divorced for two years and my ex-husband’s family still invites me to everything.

I still get birthday invitations, Christmas cards, even check -in texts from his mother. His sister now calls me more than when we were married.

I love them, I really do that, but it will be uncomfortable, especially now he has a new girlfriend.

Did me flee something that is no longer mine? Or is it okay to keep the ex-in-laws in the breakup?

Honestly,

Still in the family chat

Dear still in the family chat,

I have had a very similar experience with this.

Two years ago my brother went out with a brilliant woman we all worshiped. She had been to every birthday, Christmas and family event for four years and she felt like the little sister I had never had.

When they split, she was deeply sadded – and so do we.

But the best thing we did in those first few months was a step back. Not because we are no longer worried, but because constant check-ins would have made it for her to continue.

Now we have found a softer rhythm. We love her messages, wish her a happy birthday and when she posted a photo with her new partner, I left a line with Hartemojis because I was really happy for her.

That’s how you do it. Friendly, but with a breathing room.

So no, you don’t do anything wrong. But you have to ask yourself whether you are staying with you to continue or keep you emotionally bound to a relationship that has already ended.

You can absolutely withdraw without cutting everyone. Perhaps the next large family event will skip and instead propose a one-on-one catch-up instead.

Keep the connections that matter, but shift the shape of them so that they reflect where you are now.

And it is also worth thinking about how your ex thinks about it. If I were the new girlfriend, I wouldn’t be so impressed. It is difficult to start a relationship with your partner’s family if they still yearn for the last partner.

Time for a new chapter.