I sent the same text to all my male friends. My little ‘experiment’ exposed a confrontational truth about men, women and sex who questioned me for every ‘friendship’ that I once had with a man

Sometimes hard lessons touch you when you expect it the least.

Mine arrived on a cold winter night, Mid-SOB, when I picked up my things from the house that I had temporarily shared with a very toxic ex-boyfriend.

No, that was not the difficult lesson, although it should have been. I chose to drag that disaster for another year. (What can I say? This girl loves drama.)

This specific lesson then struck a good male friend with his ute to help me stare away there. We were halfway through the packing when I collapsed in a flood of tears on the floor and he hurried, scooped me up and hugged me while I left it right.

It was Cathartic and fun to hold on to someone who felt safe while I was sad what I thought was the end of a scorching little love.

As I sobbed, he knocked on my back and told me that everything would be fine. But then, Middly, he went for a kiss. WHAT?! No. Absolutely not. I literally cried around another man.

I pushed him away and he went away to the next room with – I don’t joke – a clear bust in his pants. Even now I physically shrink in it.

But the real hard lesson that I learned that day (excuse the word play) was that you can never be 100 percent sure of the motives of a male friend.

This all came back when I came across a study by psychologist William Costello, so I held my pearls.

He investigated more than 500 people and discovered that although 81 percent of women believe that men and women can just be friends, only 58 percent of men agreed.

Even more damned was that women were three times more likely than men to describe their friendships as purely non-romantic.

That made me think … Hope my ‘Just Mats’ secretly romping?

Of course I decided to test the theory. I texted some of my friends friends and asked she point white: “If you knew we could connect once – no strings, no awkwardness, no friendship fall – would you do it?”

(Now, full disclaimer: I was not emotionally prepared for any ‘EWW, not’ reactions. But I put on my big-girl-pants, delete myself for the truth and hit Send.)

Reader, the answers rolled in.

Some were brutally honest. Some were strange sweet. They used the expression ‘in a heartbeat’ – which I still emotionally recovery.

Just like that, my little bubble from Platonic friendships appeared.

Don’t get me wrong, these are not desperate guys who weaken their time while they are stuck in the Vriendenzone. They are all sweet, normal men who have never tried with me.

Yet they freely admitted that, under the right circumstances, yes, sure, they would go there. I mean, why not for God’s sake? That was literally how they formulated it. As if they suggested that we were going to walk around the park.

And so my deep dive started in the non-ZO-ANSO REACTOR World of male/female friendships.

I started with my hetero male best friend of more than a decade. We have never exceeded the border, but he definitely has a guy or two that I have gone out in the past.

I will never forget the time that I had forgotten on a bar, and a waitress delivered two shots of Tequila ‘from the man in the room’. I looked up, and there was my best friend, also on a date with a beautiful girl that greeted his own shot glass.

We thought it was hilarious. His date thought it was hilarious. My date … not so much.

Anyway, when I sent him the text, he came through as the legend he is. He answered:

‘Oooo absolutely – if you are open for it, you are very attractive and we are both mature, anyway! (clambering to open the Uber app). However, experience says that it would be a bad idea. Damn emotional attachments haha. So much temptation for a school evening! ‘

A master class in caressing the ego and giving a reality check. Bravo. 10/10. No notes. Friendship still intact.

The same could not be said for an old school friend who just wrote: “F *** yes!” How charming.

Then I texted Tom*, another good size. I fully expected a comic rejection and had a backup question ready. Here is how it went:

Me: “Heya, fast question … If you knew we could connect once – no strings, no clumsiness, no friendship fall – would you do it?”

Tom: ‘Darl, I don’t know if you have the memo … but I’m gay. LOL Are you drunk? ‘

Me: ‘Yes, but you are like a gay star gay. Do you not want to see what it is like to be with a woman once? ‘

Tom: ‘No, Darl. I could not think of anything worse. Keep your VAG away from me! ‘

(For those who play at home, a ‘Gold-Star Gay’ is a man who has never touched a vagina. Let alone one with his cock.)

Right, on the next.

This went to a former colleague I see more as a brother. He once said to me in a meeting: “Jana, put your breasts away – they are distracting.” In honesty I wore a low -cut top and they looked particularly fantastic that day.

Still, for the plot, I hit Send. His reaction? ‘Yes, that will be a no of mine, champion. I don’t go on your hit list or end up in your articles. ‘

Refused. And believe somewhat recovered.

So what did I learn from this diabolical experiment? A real good friend will politely refuse and make a joke. But your average male ‘buddy’ or one of those old friends from school or university? He will probably say yes.

Perhaps the most wind-inducing reaction came from a modern Casanova who answered: “I mean … a hole is a hole, right?”

So no, it is not exactly shocking to hear that some men in Platonic friendships would be open to exceeding the border if the chance would occur.

But are they active for it? Not really. At least not in my experience.

So continue with Platonic friendships. Just try to avoid a drunk pash … unless you are absolutely sure that it will not end with an uncomfortable stiff and a friendship in doors.

• Names have changed