I turned into a cougar at 60 and have lots of sex – toyboys have raging libidos
WHEN mum-of-one Stella Ralfini, from North London, turned 60, she switched to toyboys – and has never looked back.
When I drank champagne on a Eurostar a few months ago I felt so happy.
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I knew I was in for three days of Parisian magic – filled with lots of joyful sex.
The man sitting across from me was James, my lover of four months, who is 14 years younger than me and can match my stamina both in and out of the bedroom.
An added bonus: he also looks like Hugh Grant.
He’s my newest toyboy. I’ve had six since I realized that men my age—I’m now in my seventies—couldn’t keep up with me and that younger men not only could, but would want to.
As long as you stay in shape and have confidence, you will never be short of younger men looking to please you.
That’s what I say to my friends every day.
In the trailer for the new Bridget Jones movie, Renee Zellweger is in a relationship with the handsome Leo Woodall, who is 27 years her junior.
If you want my advice, every midlife single should do the same.
My friends constantly complain that their husbands have no energy and just want to sit around.
I feel smug that I didn’t end up like this.
My enlightenment came when I was sixty. Until then I had always dated older men. In fact, when I was 20, I dated someone 25 years older than me.
That makes sense when you’re younger: men of the same age are immature and inexperienced in bed.
It was a revelation
My age gaps gradually closed and the man I broke up with when I was sixty was only eight years older than me.
We had been together for eight years when he wanted to move abroad and so did I.
But by then our sex life was virtually non-existent because he had lost his mojo. And I didn’t want to be saddled with a sexless future.
I’m very sexed up, menopause did nothing to dampen my enthusiasm, so I opted to stay in London.
I also wanted to be close to my daughter and friends, even though I don’t have grandchildren.
I didn’t plan what would come next.
A few weeks later, I was having a night out with a friend at a wine bar when a gorgeous 48-year-old man approached me.
He had so much energy,
Stella
His obvious desire gave me even more feelings
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Within a few dates we ended up in bed and it was a revelation.
He had so much energy, his obvious desire for me made me feel even more attractive.
There was no difficulty or concern that he wouldn’t have the energy or be able to rise to the occasion, unlike many older men who need help in the form of Viagra.
This man was ready and waiting from the first kiss.
I hate Viagra. It feels artificial.
I like to know that a man is turned on by me.
And in my experience, Viagra is all about their penis – they want you to admire the effects of the drug.
In general, younger men don’t have bellies, don’t dress sloppily, and don’t want to stay inside all the time or talk about their grandchildren like men my age.
Look around and you will see so many fantastic mature women dating younger men.
And when it all comes to an end, as it inevitably will, they can handle it.
Take Strictly judge Shirley Ballas, 64, and actress Tamzin Outhwaite, 54, both of whom recently split from their younger lovers.
People’s first reaction is to feel sorry for them, but that is not necessary.
They should not feel sorry, they will easily find a replacement if they want one. They are beautiful women and younger men would pick them up.
And I suspect that once they’ve been with a younger man, they won’t make the mistake of dating an older man.
I dated my first younger man for about a year. It ended mutually when it just wasn’t that fun anymore.
My relationships always end amicably. Sometimes I fall in love, sometimes I don’t, but if it doesn’t work for both of you, there’s no point in being together.
I have learned from experience that this is something younger men find attractive; there is nothing needy about me except my sex drive.
I am financially secure, I own my own home, I have friends and hobbies and I love to travel.
I want their company in bed and at dinner, but no obligation.
I don’t even share a bed with them to sleep.
I know I don’t like snoring or farting and assume that would destroy my mystique as well.
And I always make sure they don’t see me in the morning until I’ve brushed my hair and put on some light makeup.
I remember Paula Yates once saying that a man should never see you shave your legs; it is important to maintain an image.
Since I met my first toyboy seventeen years ago, I’ve had five more and two men my age; the two oldest only confirmed that youth was a better choice.
I’m not looking for companionship, which is often the only thing older men can provide. I am looking for a man whose libido matches mine.
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My relationships lasted anywhere from a few weeks to two years.
And I’ve met my men everywhere, from dance classes – I do Latin and Afro-beat once a week – to wine bars and through friends.
I don’t use dating apps often.
As soon as men see your age, they make assumptions and think my photos must be outdated because I look so young. They’re not.
I met James, my current boyfriend, at an art exhibition near my home in Hampstead, North London. We hit it off right away and it’s a great relationship.
We see each other whenever we can.
We both travel regularly, but when we’re in London at the same time it’s pretty much every day.
We don’t talk about the future, we enjoy the present.
Neither of us has expectations, and that’s a joy.
So many older men want to make plans and talk about moving in together all the time – I suspect because they want someone to take care of them.
I don’t do that.
James appreciates every aspect of being with me.
Older men sometimes put me down. I think they feel insecure because I’m so glamorous.
In any case, I am in better shape than ever. I attribute part of my youthful appearance to having regular orgasms.
I’m a one-a-night girl these days. I value quality over quantity, but that’s more than enough to get me excited.
I wish more women my age would realize how attractive they are to younger men.
The key is to get out and enjoy yourself, then the men will flock in droves.
Age is just a number. If it feels good, I say go for it, regardless of the age difference
Stella
If you feel like you don’t look good enough, do something about it.
Lose some weight or get a new haircut.
There’s no reason to look sloppy.
Age is just a number. James and I have never talked about how old I am. And for that reason, I don’t know how much younger I would go.
If it feels good, I say go for it, regardless of the age difference.
My daughter chooses not to talk about it, but my friends are all fully supportive.
They think it’s funny and I try to convince the divorced and widows to do the same as me.
I suspect some married people would like that.
One person I know would approve is my mother.
She was widowed at the age of 72 and started dating a 56-year-old.
It’s clearly in the genes.
She had the time of her life and now I have too.
When you’re beautiful, confident and sexual like me, the world is your oyster.
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How can you be sure he’s not a scammer?
By Alex Fox
TOY boys can be a lot of fun, says relationship expert Alix Fox.
And when you encounter them in real life, as Stella did, you can sort them out.
But many people get scammed by a younger “love interest” they meet online.
Follow Alix’s directions to stay safe.
PLEASE NOTE FOR PROFILE PHOTO KATGATEN: On dating apps and social media sites, scammers often “catfish” by choosing images of an attractive, professional-looking person to use as their profile photo.
Perform a reverse image search on Google by saving a copy of their profile photo and then uploading it to Google to search for other copies of it.
If multiple other sites are showing the photo, they are probably not using their own photo.
JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE THEM ON VIDEO CHATS DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE TRUE: Deep-fake technology means that the boy toy who expresses an interest in you online can send you convincing looking and sounding pre-recorded clips of ‘himself’ talking.
So don’t be fooled by the fact that they are who they say they are just because you can hear their voice.
Impostors also often claim that they live abroad, or have jobs that prevent them from meeting in person for a long time.
It’s a nice cover for why they can’t visit and a huge red flag.
SEARCH FOR CLUES IN THE LANGUAGE: Not everyone with poor English skills is a scammer.
But if a younger suitor claims to be highly educated, yet has poor grammar and spelling, or uses outdated, formal expressions, that could be a red flag.
If messages change in style or tone, or if your boy toy forgets important things, multiple people can work together.
Text generators like ChatGPT can create messages that sound real, making scams difficult to spot.
If you’re unsure whether your boy toy is real, contact the support team of the dating app you’re using or call AGE UK on 0800 678 1602 for advice.
