I was a secret troll and spent 10 hours a week telling celebrities they looked horrible

“NOT really… too scared to go no filter?” I wrote with a laugh under a photo of Kylie Jenner in a swimsuit on Instagram.

It was 2019 and I had been a body shaming troll for three years.

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I spent about ten hours a week on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook, writing cutting comments about celebrities like Kylie, Kim Kardashian, Katie Price and ex-Love Islanders like Jessica Hayes.

“You are so fake, living in a bubble, too much Botox, too many fillers,” I wrote under a click from Kim.

“Fake nails… fake life — you gotta cover up,” I typed in response to a photo of rapper Nicki Minaj, before adding, “You live in a fake plastic world and have no idea how real people live.”

About Jessica I said curtly: “You’ve had so much plastic surgery!”, without taking into account that she is a real person with real feelings.

Katie Price also fell victim to my trolling. “You look awful,” I wrote. “Who do you think you are? “You look like a wimp.”

When that malicious comment got so many likes, I felt energized, so I followed it up with another mean slur.

“You don’t deserve to be successful,” I said, completely ignoring the suffering and mental health issues she had been telling me about over the years.

No real people

My online trolling started in 2016, when I was 20. At that time, I was extremely insecure about my weight and appearance.

I lived with my mom and dad and when I was bored I would do it on my laptop in my bedroom.

To me there was nothing wrong with it really. I would never say things like that to people in real life.

On the contrary, people who knew me would describe me as kind and considerate.

They would have been shocked to know that I was a cyberbully who tormented famous people that I was jealous of, all because I was unhappy with my own life and the way I looked.

At the time I didn’t think it was that bad because the victims were celebrities with millions of followers, to me they weren’t real people.

Why should they care what a recruitment consultant from Manchester thinks?

Looking back now, at 28, I realize that I was jealous of their “perfect” lives and suffered from envy comparing them.

I realize that I was jealous of their ‘perfect’ lives and suffered from comparison envy

I used to be a size 14 (which isn’t big, but it felt like it to me) and I wasn’t happy with the way I looked because I felt fat and unglamorous.

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I found a kind of solace in tearing down famous people who seemingly had it all. Their lives, with their hot partners, cool vacations, and glamorous lifestyles, seemed so different from mine, so unattainable.

I spent dozens of hours every week on social media just looking at their pictures and following all the big stars, from the Kardashians to Love Islanders including Kady McDermott and Zara Holland.

They looked perfect in their skimpy swimwear, while I felt sad and sloppy in comparison and then got angry with myself.

I thought they were being irresponsible by showing their own lives. They knew how bad it would make people like me feel, didn’t they?

So when I wrote “Horrible, shameful… living in a bubble” under a photo of Kim Kardashian, I didn’t consider it trolling.

“I saw it as a way to stand up for women like me, who were shy and tired of seeing famous people showing off.

And when other online haters – and there were many – liked my comments, I felt validated.

There was safety in numbers. These famous women were getting hundreds, if not thousands, of negative comments, so what I was doing couldn’t possibly be that bad.

It felt like a game between us, the trolls, to see who could make the most cutting comment.

I enjoyed the thrill of it, especially when I felt unattractive. Why should these “perfect” women have to avoid the feelings I felt?

But the turning point came when I goal from trolling myself after a makeover in July 2019, after I broke up with my boyfriend.

I dyed my already blonde hair lighter, changed my makeup, and updated my wardrobe, then put some pictures of myself online.

Suddenly I was getting comments that I was “testing myself” and “looking fake.” Someone said I was “trying too hard.” It was a shock and I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart.

A moment of enlightenment

I was proud of my appearance and for years I was obsessed with the negative comments, even asking people why they made those comments.

It only led to them saying even more nasty things.

Being targeted by bullies was a eureka moment for me. I wasn’t helping the celebrities by speaking my mind, I was hurting them.

Being targeted by bullies was a realization moment for me

Nowadays I wouldn’t dare write anything mean about someone online and I’m ashamed and shocked that I ever did.

I used to blame celebrities for the way I acted, now I realize I was at war with myself and what they posted had nothing to do with me.

I recently saw a study that found that 27 percent of Britons who post online admit to being guilty of trolling.

Among young people this figure is 43 percent.

According to another study, 15 percent of TikTok users between the ages of 13 and 17 have experienced anonymous trolling.

If you are one of these body shaming trolls, please stop it.

Set boundaries and learn to love your own body instead of focusing on someone else’s.

Nowadays I limit my time on social media because it is unrealistic and only shows a snapshot of someone’s life.

Now I just feel sorry for online haters and hope that celebrities who get bullied don’t suffer too much from it.

And I hope they know that the cruel comments aren’t about them, they’re about the person typing them.

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