I was crippled by my £39,000 debt so I moved a man in with my husband and children to help

One mother shared that living with her husband and boyfriend was the “only way” to buy a house.

Jennifer Martin, 36, and her husband Daniel, 36, previously struggled financially and collectively had $50,000 in student debt.

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The couple, who have two children together, aged 11 and 13, decided to try polyamory nine years ago.

Jennifer, who is polyamorous, began dating Ty Simpson, 34, a bank litigation manager, six years ago. The family initially moved into a rental home together.

They couldn’t be happier and Jennifer says they decided to swimming pool their finances in order, eventually allowing them to purchase a four-bedroom, three-bathroom home for $325,000.

Jennifer, a writer living in Richmond, Virginia, US, said: “I don’t think it would have happened without three incomes.

“I don’t even know if Daniel and I would have been able to buy a house otherwise – period.”

Although Ty initially didn’t move in with the couple for financial reasons, the mother admitted that it ended up being a big help.

“It changed my life,” she said.

Daniel, a teacher, said: “Finances are less of a concern because we all have our income.

“I enjoy the freedom we all have together in our new home. There is room for everyone, and it is Nice to own a piece of land so we can make it our own.”

Jennifer met Daniel through church when she was 18. They married at 20 and had their children at 25.

She said: “Daniel and I have never had separate finances. We are very intertwined financially – it’s almost mutually dependent.

“We had children at a young age and were on the WIC program, a food program for women, babies and children. Then we got food stamps for a while.”

In December 2015, the couple decided to try polyamory and in 2016 they got married.

Jennifer said, “I’ve expressed to my husband that I’m not sure I can stay monogamous forever.

“We read books, did research, went to therapy. We took it really slow, because we didn’t have much experience with dating, except with each other.”

She started dating Ty in 2018 and they moved in together in March 2020.

“I talked to my children about it and we asked their permission. It was a decision we made very consciously and carefully,” she said.

The three also discussed finances extensively before deciding to combine them.

Together they earn about $160,000 a year: Jennifer earns about $30,000, Daniel $55,000 and Ty $75,000.

“We talked a lot about how to share the costs, and we never argued about it.

I don’t worry about money all the time. I don’t panic and freak out like I did when I was alone with Daniel.

Jennifer Martin36

“We’re just really focused on thinking – what do we need to eliminate? What do we need to do to make big purchases or big financial decisions?

“None of us are big spenders. We’re all pretty moderate. We don’t deprive ourselves of everything to save, but we also don’t make random $500 purchases,” she explained.

Jennifer says they have a “cattle” relationship, meaning she and Ty are in a relationship, but Daniel and Ty are not.

Jennifer divides her time evenly between her two partners’ beds in the house, carrying a basket of her belongings between the rooms.

This sleeping arrangement was “one of the first choices we made when we moved in together,” Ty said.

Typically, Jennifer spends two nights with Ty and then two nights with Daniel, unless someone is out of town or “spending a night with another partner.”

Daniel is her only legal husband, but Daniel and Ty share the mortgage agreement because Jennifer wanted Ty to benefit from it if anything happened to her.

Jennifer said, “We’ve all purposefully intertwined our finances, so in a way we’re all connected. Ty and Daniel aren’t dating, but their names are on the mortgage, not mine.

“Ty is not legally married to me and he is not the legal parent of my children. So I wanted to make sure we still have each other if anything happens.”

In an attempt to intertwine their lives as much as possible and ‘every possible future legal issues” Jennifer and Ty even have credit cards together

Jennifer says they split financial expenses “proportionately according to who earns what” and they also divide household chores.

She said, “Everyone has their own individual strengths.

“I’m the manager, the momager. I plan things, I know when the kids have events and I always know what’s going on.”

Ty adds: “Daniel does a lot of the heavy maintenance. If there are tools involved, he usually does it himself.

“I am the technical support for the family and manage most of the finances and pay the bills.

“We all have our own role when it comes to household responsibilities. We are all responsible for the core parenting tasks, as well as keeping the home clean and maintained.”

We have all purposefully intertwined our finances, making us all connected in some way.

Jennifer Martin36

The three are not in a steady relationship and Jennifer, Daniel and Ty all have their own partners.

“Monogamy assumes that you are going on a serious date with someone: you are going to live together, get married and maybe even have children.

“While in many non-monogamous situations, people aren’t on the relationship escalator at all.

“You decide how involved you become with someone, and there is no expected end goal,” Jennifer says.

Ty being an extra parent is something that “just happened naturally,” the mother adds.

“I love how we all come together, make each other laugh and genuinely care about each other.

“I don’t worry about money all the time. I don’t panic and freak out like I used to when I was alone with Daniel.

“Now my children are happy. My family functions better and we have a house together.”

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