‘I was hysterical’ admits Kate Ferdinand as she shares ‘terrible mother guilt’
KATE Ferdinand has opened up about feeling ‘hysterical’ and experiencing ‘terrible mum guilt’ after the birth of her daughter Shae.
The 33-year-old mum, who this week took her son Cree, three, to hospital after a horrific accident on holiday in the Maldives, admitted she had ‘no connection’ with Shae after she was born with congenital pneumonia in July last year.
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In an episode of her Blended podcast, Kate, who married football legend Rio Ferdinand, 45, in 2019, revealed all about Shae’s birth story.
She explained that her C-section birth was “emotional” and full of panic.
She said: “In true Ferdinand style, nothing went to plan. It was quite emotional.
“I got into the theater and I don’t know what happened to me, but I started to panic.
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“I had a spine, so you’re numb from the waist down.
“I had a sick bag next against me and breathed into the sick bag.
“Everyone was trying to be happy in the room. It felt like I was high on drugs, I wasn’t working properly because I felt like I was numb.
‘It was clear I couldn’t move. I felt a little trapped. To be honest, I was in a bit of a state at the time.
Kate revealed that when Shae, her second biological child, was born, she was quiet and somber.
Kate is also mother to Cree, three, and stepmother to Rio’s three children Lorenz, Tate and Tia from his previous marriage to Rebecca Ellison, who tragically passed away in 2015.
She added: “Shae came out and she didn’t cry. I was already in a bit of a panic. Now I’m even more scared.
“Eventually she cried and didn’t want to stop, but she was really cold, she was very blue.
“I felt very distant when she was given to me. I didn’t connect right away because I was in this world of panic and worry.
‘It was surreal’
After realizing Shae wasn’t getting enough oxygen, she was put in an incubator, as Kate admitted: ‘It felt so surreal.
“You have to wait until you can move before you can go and see the baby, so I went in a wheelchair to see the baby and I was just hysterical.
We talk about my mother’s guilt and it affected me from the moment she was born
Kate Ferdinand
“I couldn’t pick her up and I didn’t feel like I was making contact when she was first given to me because I was kind of panicking, and now she’s in this incubator and I just can’t pick her up.
“I don’t know if this is good or bad, but I just didn’t really want to be there.
“I just felt like it was harder being next to her and not being able to be with her, just staring at her and not looking good, and then being away from her.
Who is Kate Ferdinand?
KATE Ferdinand is the wife of ex-footballer turned Rio pundit.
She shot to fame on our TV screens when she landed a role in reality show TOWIE.
She was born on June 3, 1991 in Essex and before breaking into TV, she worked as a Business Support Manager at a bank.
Kate was dating a cast member from the show, Dan Edgar, and managed to get her break into stardom when she landed a role on the show herself after the two broke up in real life.
It is believed that Kate has amassed a fortune of around £1.1 million.
In addition to her TV work, she has a number of business interests.
She invested in Bromley-based company Dolly Donuts and is now a director of the company.
Kate and Rio flew to the D Maris Bay hotel in Marmaris, Turkey, in September 2019 to tie the knot.
Ex-footballer Rio and the reality star kicked off the celebrations on September 26 with a pre-wedding party for their high-profile guests.
The big day took place the next afternoon, with Rio’s daughter playing the important role of Maid of Honor.
Loved-up Rio and Kate ended their epic three-day bash at the £4,000-a-night hotel with a pool party.
Kate has stepped out of the spotlight to become a mother to her and her husband Rio’s children.
She is still a social media sensation and her Instagram account has over 1.5 million followers.
You can also find her in the gym five days a week after admitting she has to work hard to maintain her incredible figure.
“Then I felt terribly guilty because I didn’t want to be there then either. We talk about my mother’s guilt and it affected me from the moment she was born.
Young Ferdinand, now one, suffered from congenital pneumonia and was given five days of antibiotics, as Kate said: “It’s a struggle with breathing and not getting enough oxygen to the lungs.
“We knew she would be fine, she just needed to be on antibiotics and get her breathing in the right place where she could breathe without the machines.
“I panicked because I wasn’t with her, up all night. Rio slept like a baby.”
I just felt completely all over the place
Kate Ferdinand
The blonde beauty, who shot to fame on The Only Way Is Essex, started feeling ‘hysterical’ and described the hospital experience as a ‘haze’.
She continued, “We went there the next day, I think, it’s a fadeI could feed her.
“Hysterical again. I just felt completely all over the place. Still can’t move properly and am in pain.
“Everyone who is a baby gets special care, whether it’s for an hour or some babies are there for a very long time, it’s just a very unique experience that changes everything because it’s just not how you envision it.
“You don’t really think about the complications and you think it’s going to be fine.”
‘I needed her close’
Since coming home with Shae, Kate confessed, “I’ve felt a little more needy around Shae. I want her next to me all the time, I want to feed her a little more, I want to be with her.”
“No one has been able to get that close, just because I felt like I didn’t have that in the beginning.
I came down maybe once a day at first and then built it up to twice a day
Kate Ferdinand
“I mean, I’ve calmed down now, but for the first few days and even the first few weeks, I felt like I needed her close to me to connect with her.”
But things remained chaotic for the mother, as Kate said: “My emotions were all over the place, I was often upstairs and the kids were downstairs.
“I came down maybe once a day at first and then built it up to twice a day and did it like that.
“I came by one day and said, ‘None of you want me here.’
“The teenage boys looked at me asking ‘what happened to Kate?’. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy.
“At that moment I really believed that no one liked me and that no one wanted me down.
“I was completely everywhere.”
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