I watch porn daily before school pick-up – it makes me a better mother

A mother-of-three with a loving husband, marketing manager Kellie James*, 49, from Barnet, north London, is happy with her secret habit.

I grab the all-important after-school snack and my purse and jacket and walk to the door.

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But before I go to school, I have one more thing to do to prepare myself for my children’s return: watch a ten-minute porn video.

Many days, as the clock rolls around to 2:45 p.m., I grab my phone and watch a sexy romp.

People who know me would be shocked, but it makes me a calm, relaxed mother when I meet the children at the school gate.

No one’s child deserves a mother who is tightly wound and whining from the moment they leave school.

And after having some “me time,” which is exactly my viewing habits, I’m not such an uptight, wired mom.

I’m happy, relaxed and genuinely happy to hear about their day.

It makes me a great mother.

Watching women have sex is a huge taboo, but I watch porn on my phone every day – and sometimes I enjoy it twice a day.

None of my friends talk about porn, and I’m sure they would consider me a deviant if I confessed to it.

I am a mother of three beautiful young children and happily married.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years and I enjoy having sex with him, but often find myself just too tired to care.

After having kids, we are both so exhausted and sex has unfortunately been put on the back burner.

It was during lockdown in March 2020 that our intimate time hit rock bottom, with the kids always under our feet – and that’s when I started watching porn.

I just enjoy it and truly believe it makes me a better mother.

I’m not the only one.

A new survey of 1,200 women found that 77 percent admitted to watching porn in the past month.

I’m one of them, but while 28 percent of women said they watch at least once a week, I’m more of a regular than most since watching porn is something I incorporate into my busy life every day.

I work full time for a charity as a marketing manager, and as I often work from home I schedule watching porn into my breaks.

When I am at the office, I take into account that I am home alone without the children.

Favorite are threesomes

My usual routine would be to watch it in my bedroom during my lunch break, maybe for about ten minutes or even less.

Taking a look before the school run starts is great; my work hours are arranged around school pick up, so the fact that i’m in a rush makes me more excited.

Sometimes I masturbate while watching, and other times I watch it to feel aroused, but I don’t go any further.

I admit that I usually feel bad afterwards – part of this may be because it feels like a compulsion, almost like vaping.

During the first lockdown my hours became more home-based and over lunch I realized I’d never thought about watching porn on my phone.

It was an urge that came out of nowhere, and something I hadn’t dreamed of when I was working entirely in an office.

But from that first viewing on, I watched pretty much every day.

I feel guilty because some of the pornography is not very ethical and depicts women being degraded and treated poorly – although I only watch porn if it looks consensual, and I certainly hope the women are not forced to do so .

There was no way I could reveal that I watch it regularly.

Kellie James

I recently went out at night with some mom friends and we were talking about sex.

One of the moms admitted that her partner watched porn regularly, and I watched how the other moms responded.

They were all shocked and said they were sure their partners weren’t watching it, and that they would worry their other half would be attracted to other women if they caught them watching.

It was then that I realized that I absolutely couldn’t reveal that I watch it regularly because they would probably judge me.

It’s strange that so many people watch it but pretend they don’t.

One time when I was very drunk, I told a friend that I used to watch it.

She blushed, looked embarrassed and changed the subject, and I never mentioned it again.

Days later I couldn’t sleep because I was convinced she would never talk to me again, but when we met for coffee the following week, she pretended it hadn’t happened.

I find work super stressful because I have a difficult manager who is unpredictable, and we have a lot of long meetings over Zoom.

These are often annoying and when I work from home I sometimes watch porn straight after a meeting to distract myself and relax.

It gets me away from work and helps access another part of myself.

Watching porn quickly is an easy way for me to deal with sexual tension.

Watch it together

It takes longer to feel satisfied when I have sex with my husband, while if I masturbate while watching porn I can come in about five minutes.

I told my husband I watched it once, without revealing how many times.

He seemed unimpressed by my revelation and said maybe we should watch it together, but that never happened.

Sometimes I worry that watching porn will create a distance between us because I suspect he watches it too and does that instead of having sex with me.

This makes me worry about the type of sex he is into and what his preferences are.

My favorite category is usually threesomes: two men and one woman.

Interestingly enough, I would never want to do this in real life, so it’s escapism for me to watch something completely different.

I definitely find myself getting more used to watching porn and no longer being shocked by seeing different types of sex like I was in the beginning.

But I still don’t watch films where girls are the victims – that’s morally wrong.

I know deep down there’s too much judgment for that.

Kellie James

There must be some sort of algorithm, as the site I use definitely shows me more of the same on my phone: threesomes are always on offer.

I always check if I’m browsing privately, turn the sound down when my husband is home, and make sure I’ve deleted my browsing history so the family doesn’t accidentally see things they shouldn’t.

I don’t plan to stop watching porn, but I wish I could feel better about it and be less ashamed of it.

Dating app IlcitEncouters.com reports that 80 percent of women feel more comfortable discussing and viewing porn compared to five years ago.

This makes me want to talk freely with my friends about my viewing habits over a glass of wine – but I know deep down there’s too much judgment about that.

My gut tells me to keep my porn watching a secret, but I’m pretty sure my friends probably watch it too and just won’t admit it.

*Name has been changed

…But don’t get addicted

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PSYCHOLOGIST Emma Kenny has advice for those who find their porn habit is becoming too much.

She says, “That dopamine high when you watch it can be addictive.”

Here, Emma shares some words of advice. . .

FIND OUT WHAT’S BEHIND YOUR PORN INTEREST: Why do you turn to porn?

Is it because you’re stressed, bored, or feeling disconnected from your partner?

Once you understand the reason, you can start working on it right away.

When stressed, try something soothing, like yoga or five minutes of deep breathing.

If boredom is the culprit, find something that excites you, whether that’s watching a new TV series or delving into a good book.

Recognizing what drives you helps break the cycle of automatic behavior.

MAKE IT A REWARD, NOT A REFLEX: Think of porn like a piece of chocolate cake – delicious as a treat, but unhealthy if consumed too often.

When you use it as a reward, rather than as a routine, it becomes more fun and less of a habit.

For example, after a busy week at work, let it be a Friday night treat instead of something you go to on your lunch break.

Keeping it special helps you stay in control, stop feeling like it’s a necessity, and set boundaries.

CHANGE THE MOMENT WITH SOMETHING RANDOM: If you want to cut back on the amount you use, do something completely unexpected the next time you feel the urge.

Blast your favorite song, try a five-minute workout, or even start cleaning out that drawer.

Distracting yourself with something random gives your brain a chance to reset and interrupts the habit loop.

Small moments like these can help you regain control without feeling like you’re missing out.