I’m the meanest grandma in Britain. I don’t feel sorry for making my granddaughters cry

MOST grandchildren have the ability to twist their grandmothers around their little fingers.

But Emma Parsons-Reid, 57, is not your typical sweet grandma.

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Emma claims to be the “meanest gran” in the country.

She runs her family’s house like a military operation and never goes out of her way.

When her five granddaughters, who range in age from eight to seventeen, misbehave, Emma has a surefire way to get them back on track: a short, sharp blow on her whistle.

She says it only takes one blow and the girls immediately line up, in silence, in age order, knowing they will face her wrath if they go too far.

In the past, serious statements have made them all cry. But Emma firmly believes that tough love is best.

“I’m really mean sometimes,” she says.

“People often say that I have been too harsh. But in the real world they will face much worse.

“I don’t want my granddaughters to end up like snowflakes.

“You won’t get anywhere in life by crying all the time.

“I don’t want them to get upset just because someone looked at them the wrong way or isn’t giving them what they want.

“Children need to toughen up.”

Retired civil servant Emma from Cardiff says that although her own grandparents did not play much in her life, her father was strict.

“I had to use the knife and fork correctly or it would be knocked out of my hand,” she says.

“I only spoke when I was spoken to and that worked wonders.

“I pride myself on being consistent. I don’t accept nonsense from anyone.”

Now married, Emma had a daughter and raised her alone as a single mother.

“It was a lot of juggling and I was quite strict,” she says. “I didn’t have time to talk about it.”

About her life now she says: ‘I am a young grandmother.

“I was only forty when the first granddaughter came along and I was often mistaken for her mother.

“I was still working. I wasn’t one of those grandmas who played Scrabble for three days.

‘I was too selfish and focused on my own life to stop and play with dolls. I had things to do.

I try not to be hurtful, but I am very honest and I like discipline and order

Emma Parsons-Reid

“I certainly wasn’t the typical old lady who sat in her rocking chair and knitted.”

Emma also didn’t like cuddling her grandchildren as babies, saying she preferred the children as soon as they could “have a conversation.”

And as Emma grew older and went through menopause, she became even harsher on her family, saying some children had asked not to visit her anymore.

Around that time, she stopped giving treats and rewarded only their best work.

She says: “Nowadays the children don’t get pudding if they don’t eat their vegetables” – and only the best drawings hang on her fridge.

“I often tell them to try harder if they want me to hang it in my home.

“And they get angry when I throw away their paintings after a week.

“I generally don’t encourage them to draw a lot.

“Instead, I let them find words to improve their vocabulary.”

Emma – Nooney to her granddaughters – says it’s her tough approach that keeps them on the straight and narrow.

“I try not to be hurtful, but I am very honest and I like discipline and order,” she says.

“I don’t accept nonsense. I’m tired of all these woke people around me.

“If my grandchildren are rude to me, I won’t talk to them.

‘They now know that the only way to get me back on track is to write a carefully constructed letter of apology.

“If the spelling and grammar are right and it is sincere, I will forgive them.

‘The truth is I love them very much and they know I would do anything for them, but I made them all cry in turn. Such is life.

“When I make them cry, it’s done with love.

“It’s a tough world out there and I don’t want them to be like deck chairs that fold up at the first sign of trouble.”

And Emma thinks her grandparenting style is the best.

She says: ‘There are more gentle grandparents than like me.

“Sometimes I see someone else in the supermarket who is out of control and I think to myself, ‘You need a whistle.’

“I could do a course on this – you get dog training, obedience training. I should do grandparent training.

“The kids complain about me, but when they are parents or grandparents, they will steal my techniques.

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‘I’m the meanest granny in Britain, but it’s for their own good.

“A lot of my friends are sweet, gentle grannies and the kids say, ‘Why can’t Nooney be like normal grannies sitting in a rocking chair and knitting?’

“There are normal grandmothers and then there is me.

“But I get results and when I get them out they are very polite.

“They are respectful, they say please and thank you.

‘They know how to behave.

“I don’t have to yell or scream.

‘That doesn’t work. I just raise an eyebrow and look at them.

“Sometimes they help an old lady who has dropped her bag and I say, ‘No one is proud now.’

“I’m a mean grandma, but I’m also proud when they deserve it.”

Emma never buys sweets for the children and will not spoil them at Christmas.

She contributes to school trips because they are educational, but if they want money for anything else, they have to earn it.

When they were younger, they washed her car or mowed the lawn.

Now that they are older, she encourages them to sell their clothes through second-hand fashion app Vinted.

Emma closely follows their training and attends parent evenings at school.

She says: “During Covid I managed to get the code and sneak into virtual parents’ evenings.

“My face suddenly appeared next to my daughter and son-in-law.

‘I was worried that my granddaughters wouldn’t get enough work and would fall behind.

“I was concerned and will not apologize for it. If that means I get involved, then so be it.”

Emma bans most technology when the girls come to stay each month, and enforces strict rules around the older girls’ phone use.

If they do take phones with them, they are certainly not allowed to take them to bed,” she says.

‘ROLE MODEL’

“The phones stay downstairs, in ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode, just like mine.

“I send the girls to bed at 9 p.m. They moan and groan, but they sleep so well.

“They often don’t wake up until 9 a.m. They need to catch up on all the sleep they missed last week.

“Sometimes they’re on their phones at home until 1 a.m.

“I’ll see that they’ve ‘liked’ something on Instagram or Facebook and I know what time they did that. I’m going bananas.

“My daughter generally supports my strictness because it served her well as a child.

“Honestly, I think she appreciates the support as disciplining children is hard work.

“The eldest is 17 and she understands it too, although I still have to pull her up every now and then.

“I probably will when they’re middle-aged, to be honest!”

And Emma warns gentler grandmothers: ‘You have to look at what you make.

“Of course it’s nice to spoil your grandchildren, but you have to prepare them for the world.

“You owe it to them to make sure they can get up and not blow over at the first sign of wind.

‘They have to be tough.

“They need to learn how to communicate and how to be respectful.

“We are the first elderly people in their lives. If they don’t respect us, they won’t respect anyone.

“A grandparent should be a role model and if that means being mean, then so be it.”

‘EXCHANGE TOUGH LOVE FOR KINDNESS IS THE BEST’

IS being a mean grandma a good idea?

Sue Atkins, author of Parenting Made Easy – How To Raise Happy Children, gives her verdict…

NANS, with their wisdom and guidance, can have a tremendous impact on the education of their grandchildren.

However, being a grandparent with a “sour tongue” – using harsh or blunt language in the name of toughening up children – comes with many risks.

You may want to make your grandchildren resilient, independent, and emotionally strong, especially in an age when terms like “snowflake” suggest that you are hypersensitive to life’s challenges.

But how we convey that “tough love” is crucial.

There is a very thin line between constructive criticism and cruelty.

Blushness or withholding affection leads to long-term emotional problems. If you use shame or guilt, you risk damaging their trust.

But the upside is that a grandparent who is kind, assertive, honest, and kind can teach children how to handle criticism and develop a thicker skin.

A balanced approach is crucial.

Grandparents should strive to provide guidance and set boundaries, but in a way that is respectful and nurturing.

If the goal is to empower children, it is essential to model healthy communication by providing advice and feedback in a way that promotes learning rather than fear.

Sue’s advice to Emma:

• Consider the impact of your words. Children need both guidance and unconditional love to thrive. Harshness without empathy can leave lasting scars.
• Compassionate, strong leadership can build resilience as effectively as harsh language, but without the risk of emotional damage.
• Tough love is outdated. Modern parenting and parenting theories increasingly emphasize emotional intelligence, empathy, and positive reinforcement. Kindness and compassion are the best practices in raising children.