I’m tired of meeting my mom friend alone at playgrounds – I’m not her babysitter
A childless woman expressed her frustration about only meeting her friends at playgrounds.
While the woman explained that she has no problem with her friend’s children being around, she said she has reached her limit when it comes to activities that focus on children.
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In a after Speaking to Mumsnet, the woman explained that she and her best friend are both 38 and have been friends since they met at university.
She added that her friend now has two children, aged seven and three.
“She and her children are a package, she chooses not to socialize without them,” the poster said.
The woman explained that this was not a problem for her, but she did start to become annoyed by the locations where the meetings took place.
“I respect her decision and understand that her children are her top priority,” she said.
“I also love her children and enjoy seeing them. The problem is where we meet.”
She explained that her friend is very active and “never wants to stay home.”
Instead, the mother of two wants to “always catch up in places where kids like to go.”
The Mumsnet user said they usually go to playgrounds to catch up, but they have also visited petting zoos, children’s museums and toddler festivals.
“That means her kids are usually excited and easily distracted and tend to run around a lot,” the woman continued.
“Or they need help sliding or want to be pushed on the swing.
“I normally spend about 80% of my time watching or helping my girlfriend raise her kids, and only 20% of the time we spend catching up and having a real conversation.”
She added that the “very rare moments” when they meet at her friend’s house are “so much better.”
“It’s more of a 50/50 split. I enjoy being with her kids for a while, but then they go off to play with their toys or the garden and my girlfriend and I chat.”
She described how tired she was of “always catching up in kid-friendly locations.”
Why Being a Friend Without Kids Isn’t As Easy As Everyone Thinks
By Josie Griffiths, Deputy Editor of Fabulous Digital.
Josie Griffiths said: We get it, having kids is tiring.
And yes, there are a lot of benefits to not having vacations: sleeping in on the weekends, more disposable income, the freedom to make the holidays all about you. And believe me, I know it.
But when all your friends and family members are becoming parents, it’s actually not that easy to be the one who hasn’t taken the plunge yet.
My friends often tell me how their annual leave arrangements get in the way because their parents get to decide first all summer, or how they worry that their best friends won’t come to their wedding now that they’re parents.
It’s not out of the blue either: five of our friends, including one of whom my husband was best man before he started a family, declined to attend our wedding due to sick children and other child-related issues.
The truth is that once people have children, life becomes all about them.
And although those little ones are of course cute and we spend many weekends visiting them, there is still a thought that sometimes nags at the back of my mind: that we have become second-class citizens.
Not only are you expected to constantly accommodate the kids’ nap times and swimming lessons, but the things that interest you most suddenly become ‘frivolous’, met with an eye roll and a ‘must be fun’ response.
Because I really want children myself, I hope this is a temporary pain. But if we had fertility problems, I know it would be a hundred times harder.
I have friends who are in that situation, and my heart breaks for them.
And I also have friends who have decided not to have children, for very well thought out reasons. Those friends should never feel like their lives are less important than others.
When it comes to people who consciously choose not to have children, we all need to learn to celebrate their successes more, whether it’s renting their own apartment on one income, getting a promotion, or taking a sabbatical to travel the world.
But there are downsides: they are only whispered over a glass of wine in restaurants and shared in private WhatsApp conversations, rather than being shared widely on social media.
“I’ve been doing this for years and there seems to be no end in sight. I’ve reached my limit,” she said.
Mumsnet users shared their thoughts on the situation in the comments section.
“I really don’t think you should have to suffer through soft play every time,” wrote one reader.
“You should be her friend, not her children’s babysitter.”
“It’s kind of mean of her to be so into her kids that she can’t spend two hours every now and then just seeing you,” someone else commented.
“With or without kids, she shouldn’t dictate your free time,” said a third Mumsnet user.
“I’m a very dedicated mother, but I only meet up with my good friend and we have a nice chat in a bar or something.”
