Half of all people who cheat end up getting caught – for two main reasons.
Marrying both our phones and our partners means most leave behind devastating digital footprints that expose the truth.
The second red flag is a series of behavioral changes that make their partner suspicious or curious.
Are you worried that yours is up to something they shouldn't? These are the eight most reliable indicators that your partner is playing away.
1. THEY TAKE THEIR PHONE EVERYWHERE
This is the #1 “I'm Cheating” Giveaway.
Even the most trusting person starts to think, “That's weird,” when a partner who used to like to leave their phone behind suddenly has a near-heart attack when you dare to pick it up.
Cheaters always keep it with them. Even in the bathroom when they are showering. They swipe up quickly when they see you looking over their shoulder or to the left to delete something.
Tracey Cox says cheaters always have their phones with them, even in the bathroom when they're showering (stock image)
A survey of U.S. divorce attorneys found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in cases relying on social media and cell phone evidence.
If you're suspicious, look up the deleted messages if your partner leaves the phone open (and if you're really suspicious, google how to find and read deleted messages. It's remarkably easy.)
2. They insist on privacy they didn't need before
They get nervous when you sit next to them while they 'work' online. They start closing and locking the bathroom or toilet door, while they were perfectly happy peeing and showering with the door open.
They are less forthcoming about the details of their day. Talk less about the new “friend” they made at work that they couldn't keep quiet about (be very alert to this: this usually means the relationship has moved from an emotional to a physical affair).
Relationships thrive on transparency, and if you notice things like changed passwords, your partner not calling in your presence, or a changed level of openness in general, take note.
3. THEY CANNOT KEEP THEIR STORIES STRAIGHT
It takes a lot of planning and lying to cover up an affair: one of the reasons most eventually end up on the rocks. It's exhausting having to remember everything you said you did or didn't do.
Sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox (pictured) warns that if a cheater asks a friend to cover for his affair, he's more likely to be harassed
The longer the affair goes on, the more likely you are to see inconsistencies in their stories, especially if they know they are being cornered. Research shows that our memories are less reliable under stress.
The way to trip someone up is to ask questions about what happened right before or after the event you think he or she is lying about. Most people practice lying just to cover the period when they cheated.
Ask what they had for lunch or dinner before or after the event. How busy it was on the road/how full the metro was. Things they didn't expect to ask about.
Simple questions can sometimes yield giveaway tips. If your partner is away for a 'work conference', ask, 'What's the weather like there?'. It's such an innocent question that most people immediately answer with the truth: “It's raining,” when they should be in a sunny place.
4. They do things they normally don't do
The bench that turns into a gym bunny. The man who normally wears old, dirty sweaters suddenly switches to a shirt and jacket.
Taking a new interest in improving their appearance could be a sign that they want to look better and healthier for you… or impress someone else. Major changes in lifestyle are strong indicators of an affair if there is no other obvious reason for it.
To catch a cheater, sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox recommends asking your partner simple questions about their day (stock image)
5. THEY SEND THE WRONG MESSAGE TO THE WRONG PERSON
I had a friend who did this: sent the message intended for the lover she was about to see to her husband.
It said, “In less than an hour you will be inside me.”
Since her husband was at work and she was on the train to meet her “sister,” she might as well have texted, “Surprise! I'm having an affair!'.
She was caught red-handed and had the grace not to even try to worm her way out, and they divorced soon after. Even a simple “I had a great time last night” sent to the wrong person has been the downfall of many secret cases.
6. YOUR LOCATION TRACKER REVEALS WHERE THEY REALLY ARE
When things were looking good in your relationship, you both checked “yes” to have location services tell each other where you both were at any time.
Years later you've forgotten… and been caught in a bald lie. “I'm with a friend for a facial,” you say when they call. “Really?”, your partner replies, “I didn't know pubs like The Queens Head offered facials.”
Thirty-four percent of people who caught their partner cheating discovered it through digital means such as location-sharing apps.
7. They tell other people what they are up to
Once you tell someone you're cheating, you've told two people. Almost everyone tells their partner or a close confidant about a secret he or she needs to keep – and they tell theirs.
One person doubles and triples quickly and before you know it, confessing to one person means a dozen people know.
Yet 72 percent of people tell at least one person about their infidelity — mainly because they want to talk about the person they are in love with or in love with (or both).
Enlist a friend to hide your secret tryst and you're even more likely to be harassed, especially if he's a friend your partner is also seeing.
If they don't let you fall for it, their partner will (“Wait, wasn't that the day you helped your sister move?”).
Sometimes it's intentional: they promised not to tell, but they feel bad about it.
8. They are less affectionate
Another classic indicator of infidelity: your partner becomes emotionally distant or estranged from you.
The reason why people withdraw is obvious: guilt makes it difficult to look into the eyes of someone who betrays you. Or, if your emotional energy is being diverted elsewhere, it may seem that your partner is now sadly lacking and unworthy of your love.
Whatever the reason, if someone who was once attentive suddenly becomes much less attentive, something has changed in their life.
An affair or no affair, this needs to be addressed immediately.
- SexTok with Tracey and Kelsey appears every Wednesday. You can find Tracey's books wherever you buy your books and information about her and her product range at traceycox.com.
