Dear Jane,
I live in a small, close -knit neighborhood. Everyone knows everyone and we all love gossiping.
My neighbor behaves as if she is perfect, but I recently discovered something that would not only crush her reputation, but would possibly also ruin life.
You see, her husband goes on business trips quite regularly and is often out of the house.
A few nights ago I couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs around 2 a.m. to watch some TV in the living room with a window on her side gate.
Suddenly the lights went outside her house and I saw a figure crawling the driveway to the side door. I immediately thought it was an intruder and jumped up and ran to the window when I saw the face of the figure.
It was another man from our street! He is not only married, but his wife now expects a different baby every day.
I can't believe he is so cheating and with a married woman who just lives on the road. I feel that I have to tell his wife, but I don't want to drop this bomb on her during such a stressful time.
Dear Jane: I have just discovered my neighbor's dirty little secret that she desperately tried to hide, is it wrong to expose her?
Do I have to wait a few months and tell her after the baby is born? Does she deserve to know immediately? Or should I just stay out of it completely and have them sorted it out?
By,
Neighborhood watch
International best -selling author Jane Green offers wise advice on the most burning problems of readers in her column Agony Aunt
Dear neighborhood watch,
You start your letter by saying that everyone in your neighborhood likes to gossip, so I imagine that this is a dream come true for you.
It gives us a sense of connectedness, and often a sense of superiority when we share something about someone who doesn't know others.
We get a release of adrenaline just before we provide the sensitive information. For that reason gossip can be addictive.
But gossiping can also be toxic. It brings a person into a state of negativity and in a position of judgment about others.
Nobody likes to whisper in contemporary conditions. It is hurtful and when it comes from people, we can consider friends, it can feel like a painful betrayal.
When I was a young university student, I remember that I enjoyed passing gossip about a girl we knew. Days later she approached me destroyed. She told me how upset she was in hearing what I had said. I was terrified when I was confronted with the impact that my words had on her and I decided that I would not exchange in gossip again.
Whatever happens in this family, it is not your business. Your neighbor pretends to be perfect. You have discovered that she is not. But it's not up to you to tell someone else what you have seen.
If the weight of wearing this secret is too difficult to wear, tell you potentially adulterous neighbor what you have seen. Perhaps broadcasting her secret will cause her to make a different choice.
But whether or not she does, it is not your concern, and I will urge you not to share this with your wider community.
