I’ve dated 40 married men – I’m doing their wives a favour
A SNEAKY smile spread across Elizabeth’s face as she opened her inbox – yet another day with more than 10 suitors eagerly vying for her attention.
Among them were short Southerners and tall Northerners, some as young as 19 and others heading into their eighth decade of life, but one thing unified them all.
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For the last decade-and-a-half, Elizabeth, 52, has exclusively dated married men and exchanged messages with more than 150 of them through the affairs website Illicit Encounters.
The travel industry worker, who wishes to stay anonymous, describes herself as “someone who blends in, who you don’t notice at the supermarket” – though her love life is anything but ordinary.
Her actions will likely make women’s blood boil but the alleged ‘homewrecker’ defiantly tells The Sun she has “saved marriages” by sending satisfied, happy husbands back home to their wives.
Revealing some of her most bizarre dating encounters – including one bloke who catfished her using snaps of his son – she explains how she started seeing spouses after her own husband fell for a younger woman.
Elizabeth, from the Home Counties, tells us: “I love meeting married men and I’m having the time of my life, if I’m going to hell I’m going to have fun getting there.
“It’s the right lifestyle for me. It’s not sl*ty or cheap, it’s tasteful and a safe way for people to tick a box, feel better, save marriages and save their self-respect too.
“It’s ultimately about living our best life. The wife is happy in her marriage because her husband’s happy, the husband feels fulfilled in a way he wasn’t with just his wife and I’m happy with a man who clearly enjoys being with me.
“I don’t feel bad about what I do, if I did I would stop doing it. If I thought it hurt anybody I would stop it immediately. People aren’t going to agree with me but I don’t care, they are entitled to their opinion and so am I.”
Husband heartbreak
Elizabeth started dating married men back in 2010, several months after she parted ways with her husband of 21 years who had been seeing a younger woman he met while working overseas.
She believes her ex, who she shares a 23-year-old son with, could have been “having fun” for as long as two years behind her back and was gobsmacked when he confessed everything.
Elizabeth recalled: “I remember he casually dropped this bombshell into a conversation over breakfast that he had a ‘lady friend’ and it was better than what we had.
“It took me a second to process what he had said. It was such a shock. I asked how that left us and he said, ‘We just carry on the way we are’ and went to work shortly after.
“I took some time before I told him I wanted a divorce but I wasn’t hurt. There was no animosity. I accepted I wasn’t giving him what he wanted so he went to someone who could.
“I never screamed and never shouted. I was disappointed and blamed myself. I realised I had failed, I should have done more and taken better care of my marriage.”
My message box is overflowing from all of the men I’ve discounted over the years
Later that year, Elizabeth was ready to get back out there. But she felt traditional dating apps were a no-go after hearing “horror stories” about men “only wanting to get their leg over”.
She says: “I wasn’t looking for meaningful overnight relationships and I had to look at the facts, my ex-husband was very happy so I thought why not look for a married man?
“He got a younger model and seemed happy. She was very pretty, young, slim, beautiful and a real trophy, meanwhile, I felt very frumpy and SAD – short and dumpy.
“I just thought let’s up the ante because you’ve lost everything and clearly what you were doing isn’t right – plus, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
“I knew Mr Right wasn’t going to come knocking on my door, I needed to find him and if he wasn’t Mr Right, he could be Mr Right Now.”
47 messages a day
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Elizabeth read about the US married-dating website Ashley Madison but found it “too young, glamorous, American and expensive” and later, stumbled across Illicit Encounters.
She added: “It said there were over one million members and I thought surely one of them would have what I was looking for and needed at that time.”
Elizabeth signed up in late 2010 and back then, when she was “fresh meat”, she received as many as 47 messages a day from married fellas of all ages.
Now, she classes “a good day” as numbers in the double-figure and says there are “never less than seven or eight” suitors trying to pursue her online.
One brought along his wedding album to show me because he ‘looked really good on that day’ and then told me, ‘Just ignore the woman in white’
Elizabeth adds: “My message box is overflowing from all of the men I’ve discounted over the years. I never delete them so that I can tell if they try to get back in touch.
“There’s an awful lot of wastage but quality beats quantity.
“I’m looking for an emotional connection, not a man just trying to get his leg over. I want a part-time partner, who I can be happy with, rather than a full-time partner I’m miserable with.”
At a modest estimate that’s nearly 30,000 messages since joining. But Elizabeth has only conversed online with around 150 and met 40 face-to-face.
Catfish, curfews & creepy requests
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Some have been dating disasters, as she explains: “One guy brought along his wife because she would only allow him to have an affair if the woman wasn’t prettier than her.
“I didn’t hear what my score was. I think I dodged a bullet personally. I thought, ‘This isn’t for me’ and didn’t wait around long after meeting them.
“Another kept a picture of his wife in his wallet and told me he liked to look at it during sex so he felt he was not hiding it from her. There wasn’t a second date.
“Then I remember one brought along his wedding album to show me because he ‘looked really good on that day’ and then told me, ‘Just ignore the woman in white.’”
One hapless husband tried to catfish her and another suitor, who was living with his mother, had a curfew.
Elizabeth says: “I looked at his dating profile and said ‘You’re really good looking for your age, are they recent photographs?’ He told me, ‘Yes, we took them on holiday last year’.
“When we met I confronted him and said ‘But they weren’t photos of you?’ He said, ‘Well, you never asked me that’. They were photos of his son.
Ashley Madison scandal explained
Ashley Madison members were the focus of a HUGE scandal after they signed up for an affair.
Here we take a look at that scandal as it un folded:
Ashley Madison was founded in 2001 by Canadian Darren Morgen-stern.
It’s members were assured of total discretion and promised a dream of being able to spice up their sex lives with a bit on the side – without their spouses finding out.
The extramarital affair dating site had millions and millions of subscribers worldwide.
But a cyber attack in July 2015 exposed the identities of three million users — and they were left fearing the sexual fantasies they had shared on the site would be leaked too.
The fallout was immeasurable, with the names and addresses of politicians and celebrities as well as ordinary folk spread across the internet.
Marriages were destroyed, people lost their jobs and at least two individuals took their own lives.
Despite the company offering a $500,000 reward and a huge cyber and police investigation, the hackers were never uncovered.
But far from crushing the Ashley Madison empire, the data leak actually boosted its popularity and the site now boasts around 70million members.
Another reminded me of the Ronnie Corbett character Timothy Lumsden from Sorry!, he was listed as ‘separated’ but I think it meant ‘aspiring to have a wife in the first place’.
“He lived with his mother and said he had to be home by 9pm because she didn’t like him out late. I asked, ‘What happens if you don’t?’ He said, ‘I don’t know, I’ve always made it in by nine.’”
Some of the dates have led to lengthy “part-time relationships”, with Elizabeth’s longest lasting six years with a married man until he passed away in 2016.
She says: “We were happy as Larry. We jogged along happily, no one was any the wiser. We had good times and I loved every second of it.
“I have full-on relationships on an emotional level with these men but it will never be anything more than that and I know with many we will agree to part ways.
“In the past, one man decided he loved his wife too much to continue, another moved away, Covid played a part in another finishing and the other died.
“If any said they were going to leave their wife for me, I’d say ‘No’, because I have absolutely no desire to be tied down. Once bitten, twice shy, not happening.”
‘I’m no homewrecker’
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Elizabeth is currently in a “relationship” with a married grandfather, from Birmingham, who has been with his wife for 35 years and she manages to speak to him every day.
She tells us: “He’s lovely, he never asks anything of me other than to see me three or four times a month around our work commitments. Then he goes home and looks after his disabled wife. I’m very happy with the situation.”
They always meet in a hotel, which Elizabeth says most men prefer as it’s “easier to find an alibi” for staying there while working away than at “a strange blonde’s house”.
She adds: “No one wants to p*** on their doorstep. Staying at a hotel helps them if they think someone is onto them and avoids the risk of someone they know seeing us together in public.”
I’ve been accused of doing this to get back at others because of what happened to me but it’s not about that. It’s about being happy
Elizabeth has never been caught with another woman’s partner and is very careful, only confiding in people she trusts.
Despite some of her friends “not agreeing” with what she does she claims they are supportive and ensure she is safe on dates.
Elizabeth tells us: “I don’t keep it a secret and my friends who disagree with what I do, don’t judge me. They don’t like it but their priority is ensuring I’m safe.
“If I’m going to see a man, I’ll message ‘I’m going out with the girls’ and they will know if I don’t text them ‘goodnight’ later that something is wrong.
“Those are the code words I use. They don’t need details, they take the opinion that the less they know the less trouble they could get into.”
Apart from pals, she hasn’t told her family believing they “would not approve”. As for her son, who has flown the coup, she doesn’t believe he needs or wants to know.
She adds: “I once told him I was thinking about getting a boyfriend and he replied, ‘Eurgh, that’s disgusting, you can’t have sex at your age!’”
‘Fulfills my needs’
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Elizabeth no longer believes in marriage and refutes the suggestion that pursuing married men is due to her husband’s infidelity.
She says: “I’ve been accused of doing this to get back at others because of what happened to me but it’s not about that. It’s about being happy.
“I’ve never blamed my husband’s partner. She didn’t do anything wrong, she wasn’t married, she was single just in the same way that I have been.
“I have played the dutiful wife, had the dream house, the nice little job, and family, and did what was expected of me but it didn’t work out.
“We only get one shot at life. I don’t see why I should stop at something that is clearly working for me.”
I have a happy life and am content. I don’t want a husband because I don’t think one would add anything to my life
Elizabeth
And she’s not alone. There are nearly 1.7million members on Illicit Encounters – many of whom Elizabeth believes are men and women wanting “a quick fix” for their marital problems.
She adds: “It’s filling a need but isn’t a solution. It’s the path of least resistance. It’s easier to pay money to get what you’re missing than to sort out the difficulties in your marriage.
“The website is serving a good purpose – but people need to put their marriages further up the food change and make more effort, otherwise their partner may end up on these sites.”
As for Elizabeth, she’s not planning on changing her ways any time soon.
She adds: “I have no intention of leaving the site. It fulfills my needs and has been an awakening. I feel I’ve reached a point where I’m blooming and found my niche.
“I had a lovely six-year relationship with a married man – let’s face it most marriages don’t last that long.
“I have a happy life and am content. I don’t want a husband because I don’t think one would add anything to my life…”
She pauses, before cheekily adding: “But somebody else’s husband might.”
