Jana Hocking: Are you brave enough to try the dirtiest taboo in marriage? It saved thousands of relationships

You would not think that the most important divorce lawyer from New York could also be in the race for the American top wedding adviser.

But James Sexton has seen it all: the good, the bad and the unmistakable (she took the house, the children and the dog) disasters.

This rapidly talking, tattooed ambassador of every broken trade union was first famous last year after he declared Platly in a video about Facebook That ’56 percent of marriages end in divorce ‘and an extra ’20 percent’ of pairs live in married pain.

That is a failure percentage of 76 percent – and you wonder if it is worth the knot.

Try to let this man go bankrupt … or was he busy with something?

Now Sexton is back with another hot take and, delete, it is one of the dirtiest words in the English language for everyone with a wedding on the horizon: Prenup.

Just the mention of a pre-marriage agreement can make even the most rational romantic coupling their pearls, but according to Sexton it is the best indicator of a successful marriage.

“I probably did hundreds, if not thousands, of prenups for 25 years,” he said. “I think there may be five people that I did their divorce after they had a prenup.”

Five. From thousands. That is a better success rate than most ROM coms.

But are prenups not only planning to separate?

“Absolutely not,” he told me.

In contrast to divorce procedures (which are universally grim), his prenups, he says, surprisingly Feel-Good. ‘It is usually a very friendly transaction. People feel good about it. ‘

“A prenup is fundamentally about creating a safety net of emotional and financial transparency,” he said. “It is a profound explanation of love that says, I want to protect you, even against potential future versions of myself.”

Let’s pause that.

“If you create a prenup,” he continued, “you tell your partner, I care so much about your emotional and financial well -being that I want to ensure that you are protected even if our relationship changes. It is not about expecting failure, it is about showing a deep level of care and dedication. ‘

Where was this man during my last situation?

But I had to ask: what was the wildest prenup clause he has ever seen?

Oh, hug.

“There was one where the bride had to stay within a certain weight range,” he said. “There was a baseline pre-wedding weight and a clause after the divorce to measure any deviation.”

Yes, the groom wanted a slender woman and made sure that he used actions to ensure that she does not ‘erupt’. Sigh.

I mean, what did she do? Carb-Load for the wedding so that the scales worked in its favor? Strip down like a UFC hunter in court? I bet that the loser of a husband did not see that Ozempic arrived!

Then there are the unfaithfulness clauses. And wow, people can become creative. We are talking about detailed definitions of what counts as ‘cheating’, how it should be proven and what the financial consequences are.

“A woman was entitled to a $ 1.5 million house when her husband falsely played,” said Sexton. “I swear, you could see her practically carrots for him to slip.”

Then there was the instructor of the Yoga class who married a Goldman Sachs-Type. She brought zero dollars to the relationship, but girlfriend knew her worth it. This smart cookie made the prenup in its favor.

Ladies pay attention, her prenup included: a signing bonus of $ 250,000, lush babyh and no less than $ 100k per trip ‘every time she became pregnant, strict gift rules for her family and a wardrobe budget that Carrie Bradshaw would make.

“She gave me this list and the man just accepted it. As if they were standard clauses, “Sexton said laughing. “I wanted to say, this is not Uber Eats menu!”

Oh, and let’s not forget the ‘sexual minima’. Yes, as in, how many blowjobs per month are considered healthy.

“You can’t force sex legal,” said Sexton, “but you can Bind financial incentives to difficulty. ‘

From the requirements of square meters for future houses to how often the in -laws get gifts, he has seen it all. And although part of it has been wild, it often points to a little deeper.

“You read these clauses,” he said, “and you can see that someone in this relationship is terrified of saying no.”

Then he hit me with my favorite gem of the whole chat: “Prenups are like link therapy in disguise.”

‘They forcing couples to have brutally honest conversations about expectations, values ​​and what they really owe. It is an opportunity to ask: why did you choose me? What makes our relationship unique? You are not only about money, you will unpack the emotional and economic ecosystem of your relationship. ‘

Suddenly a prenup did not sound like a cold legal document. It sounded like a love language.

According to Sexton, the best prenups follow a ‘the yours, mine and our structure of mine and us: your individual assets remain your, shared assets are split 50/50 and the entire process encourages the current dialogue. ‘It’s not about control – it’s about respect and autonomy. Every financial decision becomes an opportunity to communicate, negotiate and stay coordinated. ‘

Of course it may not sound sexy. But do you know what is? Emotional adulthood.

Still, I had to ask: what if the conversation itself feels … Icky? I mean, we have all seen the drama that comes from asking for one, so how do you do it in a way that doesn’t seem eeltig?

“If you can’t have challenging discussions with your partner, you probably shouldn’t get married,” he shrugged. Au. But also honest.

‘A prenup is a litmus test. Can you be honest? Can you express your worries without fear or judgment? Can’t you agree and still feel safe? “He said. “These conversations show whether your relationship has a real emotional depth or whether it is simply built on vibes and filtered selfies.”

And then, with the balance of someone who clearly spent a few hours in therapy: ‘A prenup is not just about protection, it is about radical intimacy. It is about being emotionally and financially naked with someone. Saying: these are my fears, my values, my limits – and I trust you enough to share them. ‘

Annoying, he’s not wrong. In a world where the state dictates your marriage conditions, you can write a prenup your own love contract.

So the next time someone tells you that a prenup is unromantic, she pours a glass of wine and say: “Actually it is the most adult love letter you can write.”

Who knew that legal paperwork could be so sexy?