King of the all-inclusive! This Jamaican resort has 1,000 rooms – and you can get one for £50 a night FULL BOARD
James Bond creator Ian Fleming is probably someone worth listening to. After all, he’s sold more than 60 million books and created a movie franchise that has grossed billions.
Fleming loved Jamaica. He first went there in 1943 as a senior intelligence officer to attend an Anglo-American conference in Kingston aimed at tackling the German U-boat problem in the Caribbean.
“When we win this damn war, I’m going to live in Jamaica,” he said. ‘Just go live in Jamaica, go swimming and write books.’
That’s pretty much what he did: he stayed at his Golden Eye villa (now part of a swanky and expensive hotel complex) and hung out with the likes of Noel Coward.
Of course, the island has changed dramatically since then (no pesky U-boats, for starters) and I wonder what Fleming would think of the growing number of all-inclusive resorts, such as the Grand Palladium, near Montego Bay to the north. west coast, where I am billeted. I suspect he would approve wholeheartedly, not least because you pay for everything up front and then just enjoy whatever you want. A cocktail after breakfast? Thank you very much.
The Grand Palladium has just boosted itself with a £20 million renovation, adding many rooms and suites (there are now a whopping 1,000 in total) and new restaurants. They’ve also toned down the color, from vibrant Caribbean hues to a sort of subdued all-purpose neutral. That seems a shame: you could be in Bruges instead of the Caribbean.
Big is what Grand Palladium is all about. Indeed, it prides itself on having the largest swimming pool in Jamaica, and if you want extra large you can’t stop using the facilities of the just next door Grand Palladium Lady Hamilton Resort & Spa, that part belongs to the same group.
But it’s also about great value. You can stay here for €50 per night per person, all-inclusive. Golf carts will transport you around if the rum punches prove dangerous or you can’t be bothered to walk.
Roger Alton checks into the Grand Palladium (pictured) on the northwest coast of Jamaica
Above, the resort’s main pool, said to be the largest in Jamaica
The resort recently expanded the number of rooms, bringing the total to 1,000, Roger reveals
I found it all a bit overwhelming at first, but it’s amazing how quickly you get used to resort life – and of course the soft sandy beaches help with that.
The hotel is a magnet for locals (a good sign), but also for many Americans and Europeans. It’s a quiet old age without a high-powered Jamaican wedding taking place.
Families are also a big problem. As Dana from Michigan noted as we stood in line for our excellent breakfast omelettes, “Thank God for the kids club,” she said. ‘There is a brilliant team there who take great care of our little ones. We’ll be back as soon as possible.’
I may have lost count, but I think there are ten restaurants: Indian, Mexican, Japanese, Italian, Jamaican and so on.
But food is not the resort’s strong point. Honestly, the best meal we had was in a jerk hut outside the reserve, so to speak, on the way to the Martha Brae River. I’ve avoided shocking huts for most of my life – a big mistake.
We were visiting the Martha Brae for a bamboo raft ride, floating gently under trees and foliage over a five kilometer stretch, passing small bars and craft stalls. Certainly not Olympic kayaking, but a lovely way to spend an afternoon.
Another highlight was a catamaran tour organized by the hotel, with frequent stops to cool off in Jamaica’s welcoming waters. I love the Caribbean, but am sometimes aware that some locals are not so fond of us white people.
If you get the chance, a visit to the excellent cultural center in bustling Montego Bay can explain why.
Guests can treat themselves to a relaxing massage by the ocean (file image)
During his stay, Roger (not pictured) visits the Martha Brae River for a bamboo raft ride
You’ll learn about Jamaican culture and the Rastafari religion, and see an extraordinary range of exhibitions about the island’s shocking history of slavery. You don’t feel very proud of our past, let’s just say that.
Perhaps it is better to leave the last word to Christopher Columbus, who landed in Jamaica in May 1494 and is on the same team as James Bond.
In his logbook he wrote: ‘The most beautiful island that eyes have seen: mountains and land seem to touch the sky… all full of valleys, fields and plains.’
He should add all-inclusives to that list today.
