LIZ JONES: Meghan, here’s my birthday present for you… some hard truths

Meghan turns 43 on Sunday. Forty-three! No longer an ingénue – she’s a mother, a wife.

Now she can start acting like an adult. Repair bridges, take a step back, move up?

Meghan hasn’t spoken to her father, who just turned 80, since her wedding in 2018. She seems to drop friends at random. Her business ventures are erratic. All the posing with women she barely knows smells like a playground.

Harry seems isolated from his old friends and family. And let’s not forget the family who are still struggling with the cancer diagnosis of King Charles and the Princess of Wales.

Important moments like birthdays make us all take stock.

Meghan was overdressed for the Bob Marley: One Love in Jamaica movie premiere in January

Some of her actions in the Netflix documentary with Harry caused her popularity to plummet

It’s also time to make amends with Catherine, top left at Windsor Castle with William, Harry and Meghan, after the Queen’s death in September 2022

What is really important, we ask ourselves: wealth, appearance, looks – or are we looking for a deeper meaning in our lives, whether in small spheres such as the family or in large ones such as public service?

Maybe this birthday will give Meghan such a moment to reflect. What do I need to change?

I like Meghan, and if I were one of her confidants, I would tell her – kindly! – that she can come across to me as insecure: always having a hand on Harry’s arm, holding him close.

A lot of behavior comes from being a star, no matter how small.

She looked stunning at the wedding and her second Stella McCartney wedding dress was bold and inspired

I doubt Meghan could believe her luck when she drove that light blue vintage E-type Jag on her wedding day, en route not only to the reception, but to a new life of incredible privilege.

She seemed awed that day, seduced by our pomp and circumstance. Actress years are like dog years, remember – all that fear of rejection, of growing too old

Actors are strange creatures, always on the lookout for an insult, a debasement of their name on a billboard. I can’t stress enough the extent to which even a simple meet and greet must be thoroughly oiled and invisibly managed by henchmen.

The royals know how to do this. The people around Meghan don’t.

That’s why some of her performances seem so amateurish: too neatly dressed for a movie premiere in Jamaica, showing too much skin in Nigeria, too sloppy in white shorts and ballet flats for a veterans’ parade.

It’s strange to think that when she married Harry she could do no wrong. She looked stunning at the wedding and her second wedding dress by Stella McCartney was edgy and inspired.

Her choices of charities were wise: a cookbook to raise money for the Grenfell tragedy, for example.

Her loyalty to the animal welfare charity Mayhew stood in stark contrast to the penchant for bloody sports displayed by many members of the royal family.

She was a new broom: warm and informal. Her beagle, Guy, sat beside the late queen on her way to her wedding rehearsal.

Meghan once brought Hollywood glamour and, yes, a touch of endearing sass (she once got into a car ahead of the queen) to a family that looked very old, very pale and musty.

Of course, it all went very wrong.

She accused the royals of, if not racism, then unconscious bias leading to the Queen’s famous “memories may differ” comeback. Another low point: mockingly reenacting a curtsy for the Queen for the benefit of Netflix subscribers.

These actions caused her popularity to plummet and she became alienated not only from the royal family, but also from us British people.

So I would tell her that her birthday this weekend is a chance for a reboot.

The Duchess certainly needs it.

I doubt Meghan could believe her luck as she rode in that light blue vintage E-type Jag on her wedding day, not only to the reception but to a new life of incredible privilege. She seemed in awe that day, seduced by our pomp and circumstance.

Acting years are like dog years, remember? All that fear of rejection, of growing too old.

And at that moment, Meghan knew that the life of a royal is more important than any alternative life, even that of A-listers like Jennifer Lawrence or Beyoncé.

Yet she threw it all away. Do you regret it now, I would ask her?

I suspect Meghan would want Harry to be a stronger character than he is.

Harry also has a birthday coming up soon: his 40th birthday, on September 15.

But he still seems like a child: moody, used to getting his way, but now constantly thwarted.

Meghan is used to male producers, directors, male stars and even her male father, an award-winning Hollywood lighting director.

I would tell Meghan that she and Harry seem to me to have people around them who don’t give the best advice, who are afraid to stand up to them, which of course all comes back to that insecurity that I sense in both of them.

This situation has to change.

For her birthday I think Meghan needs a dedicated stylist who knows what he or she is doing. And she needs a Real difference with a number of new charities, not just with apparent pie-in-the-sky ideas.

It’s also time to make amends with Catherine. Meghan needs to look at the respect and space she’s giving her sister-in-law and think, ‘Why don’t I deserve that?’

Women fight. Women make up. Women keep going. Not getting excited about a female in-law is hardly a reason to keep this friodeur, I would tell her.

Megxit is portrayed as some kind of easy way out, an escape.

But the reality? It’s like being dumped in a vat of ice. California is all about status and celebrity. Meghan would stop traffic if she walked down Kensington High Street. In LA, she’s not the only celebrity in town. She’s a smart woman. She knows it.

It’s time for her and Harry to put aside their pride and head back home.

Of course Meghan has made mistakes, but let’s put those “missteps” into perspective.

Accusing the Royal Family of being archaic and unconsciously prejudiced? Wasn’t Charles’ description of his childhood so judgmental and hurtful to his parents? And his betrayal of Diana is worse than anything Meghan has done! But Charles bounced back from his mistakes and humiliation. Meghan can too, if she has a good heart.

I really hope she uses this birthday to step back. Take her time. Crawl a little, if she has to.

Again, as a sympathetic friend, I could gently tell her that I think she lacks one quality: self-awareness.

How do I come across? What can I do better? She needs help looking at the bigger picture. To figure out what she wants to do.

I hope she writes her memoirs anyway.

Maybe then we can understand her and maybe even forgive her for taking Harry away from us.

We Brits are generous and magnanimous. I am sure we would not hesitate to welcome Meghan back into the fold. But she must make the first move.