Mother refuses in-laws to attend son’s first birthday – ‘they always ruin the party’
A mother has revealed she refuses to invite her in-laws to her son’s first birthday party. She doesn’t think she’s being unreasonable.
And despite the fact that it puts the parent in an “awkward position,” she is aware that the family is ruining the birthday party.
1
The mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, took to an online forum Mothernet to ask others for advice.
She wrote: “Our son will be one year old in a few months and we will have a birthday party then.
“My husband’s brother has a partner who he’s been with on and off for eight or nine years and they have an eight-year-old child together. They both have children from other relationships.
“BIL (brother-in-law) also has a son from a one night stand who was born a few years ago, but which she only recently found out about.
“My husband and I feel that we really don’t want to invite her because she has a really bad alcohol problem and is known to be very loud when she’s been drinking and can become quite aggressive.
“She has treated people with glasses in the past and has been on tag.
“We also don’t want to be in an awkward position where she starts asking questions about the mother of the twins, etc.”
The mother explained that they only recently found out that she had been asking questions about the twins’ mother lately.
She continues: “As far as we know it’s not a serious relationship anymore and they’re living apart anyway, but she told her brother-in-law that she’s absolutely counting on being invited to the party as our children are our cousins.”
The mother then explained how the situation made her feel.
She said: “We feel like she just wants to come and see if the mother of this new child is there and she wants to cause trouble.
“We are not close at all and I have only met her a few times. When her children have a party, she does not invite me, but my husband.
She has watched people with glasses in the past and has been on tag
Anonymous Mother
“We’ll send out the invitations this weekend.”
The mother then went on to tell us in detail about her child’s birthday party.
She explained that the birthday party would be at their house, with a bouncy castle, and that all the nieces and nephews would be there.
The mother continued: “His brother-in-law has an eight-year-old son with his partner and two twin sons with a one-night stand who has also been a friend of his for a long time.
“Both mothers expect to be there and know very well that we are going to have a party.
“BIL’s partner has made it very clear that if she sees the OW (other woman) she will ‘wrong out’ her.
Average cost of a children’s birthday for parents
According to research by Sainbury’s72 percent of parents find planning a party stressful, with staying within budget being the most stressful part.
Their website states: “September is the month when most children have birthday parties. This means that more parents than usual are busy planning a party for their children.
“According to new research from Sainsbury’s Nectar Prices, the average parent spends £278.70 on their child’s birthday party, and that’s before buying any presents.”
“BIL thinks it is very important that all his children have a bond with our son and that the twins are also recognized as family.
“Both mothers are unwilling to let the children go to daycare alone with the father, the OW is a nicer person and makes the effort.
“Yes, it’s my brother-in-law’s problem, but he’s making my husband feel quite stressed about the whole situation, while he’s trying to keep his partner happy while they work on their relationship.”
She asked other Mumsnet users if it was ‘unreasonable’ not to invite her.
One of them suggested, “That feels like a BIL issue, not yours. Invite him and the kids. Baby mamas don’t get invited. If he gets upset about it, that’s his fault.”
To which the mother replied, “Yes, that’s what we thought too, just inviting the kids, but it causes a lot of problems for BIL, because both mothers expect them to be there.”
Another added: “No. You don’t invite people to a one-year-old’s birthday party who can’t be trusted to behave properly.
“Don’t worry about maintaining that position.
“Start setting strong boundaries now, because later it will be impossible and as your DC (cute child) grows, the family moments will become more frequent.”
Someone else said: “I would say either your brother-in-law is bringing his kids without either of the mothers or none of them are invited.
“Because you don’t want a Jeremy Kyle-esque scene at your kid’s first birthday party.”
