My £ 60,000 wedding would just be perfect. The only problem? I didn’t like my fiancé: Shivani Sharma Foster

Landing into the kitchen, I froze. It seemed that a traditional store had exploded, my sister, mother and her friends surrounded by piles of personalized key chains and candy.

These were the wedding grades that my 500 guests would enjoy in just four weeks. The luxury hotel was booked, chosen menus, purchased dresses and jewelry bought. My parents had spent more than £ 60,000 – and I was about to announce that it was all for nothing.

For a moment I couldn’t speak, while panic wiped over me. “Please stop,” I said, everyone looked up at the tone of my voice. “The wedding is switched off.”

I grew up in a loving middle class at home London With my mother and father, a director of educational and real estate adviser, and two brothers and sisters. After they are divorced, they never put us under pressure to marry young – but I still dreamed of the perfect wedding and I became a mother.

When I grew up, I was incredibly close to my aunt Dolly, who only married in the late 1930s and became a mother at the age of 40. When she was diagnosed with her cancer At the age of 51 it was devastating and I brought the risks of waiting until later in life to find your happy ending.

So even as a teenager I would think: “Is this man a husband material?” Before you agree with a date.

When, at the age of 21, my three-year relationship ended up, I immediately found someone else who already presented the marriage life and our Instagram-image-perfect proposal and wedding. But five years later my friend had still not suggested.

After I had lost Dolly the year before, I felt even more pressure to hurry. “I have to be a woman and mother before I am 30,” I panicked. “Time gets up.”

So when I realized that he would not imagine, I ended things.

But now, at the age of 26, I felt pure fear. My dream of marriage and motherhood was not closer and it did not help that many of my friends were engaged or married. I have tried so far, but none of the men I met was interested in setting up.

So when a friend suggested that I met 32-year-old Rohan in July 2022, I thought, “Why not?”

Physically he was not my type, plump instead of muscular. But he had a good job in health care – a similar field as my own work as an independent prescribing optometrist – and the best of all was that he was serious about finding a woman.

He spoke about marriage on our first dinner and by the time he paid the bill, he said he would tell his parents about me.

I was so excited to find someone who wanted the same things as I ignored the red flags: the lack of physical attraction; How he never kissed me unless I initiated it; And the fact that he said I had to lose weight.

I justify it all for myself. Rohan was traditional – the affection would come after we were married. He wanted me to look nice, wasn’t that good? Regarding my feelings towards him, would I love him for sure?

I was nervous about meeting his family, who was more traditional than mine, but it went well. Just like his meeting with my parents and brothers and sisters. But they insisted on not hurrying things.

In retrospect, I can see that they were worried that he did not suit me well. But at the time I ignored their advice – swept in the expensive dinners and shop trips that Rohan had spent on me.

In November, after just four months of dating, we bought a £ 700,000 family house with three bedrooms that we were planning

Go in as soon as we were married. And in April 2023, on a private island in Greece, Rohan introduced.

After I had lost the 2nd on a Bootcamp, I wore a blue satin dress and had done my hair. Even while he put the ring on my finger, I couldn’t wait to see the photos of the professional photographer he had hired. There was no love in my heart, but it didn’t matter. This was my price, my big moment.

Then, in our hotel that evening, Rohan didn’t touch me. “We should be put together everywhere!” I thought while he turned around and went to sleep. I blamed myself that we still hadn’t had sex – still felt overweight – and cried myself asleep.

At home the wedding planning went into overdrive, where my parents pay for everything. It was exciting to visit the lush country house hotel – large enough to hold our 500 guests and choose my dress. No costs were saved and the costs were risen quickly. My goal of marriage and a baby against 30 was at a moving distance and I could imagine how fantastic it would look. Then I focused on pushing away the concerns about our compatibility.

Then, in May, two months before the wedding, I went on my chicken with Ibiza. I was surprised at the attention I received from men. For the first time since I met Rohan, I felt attractive, desired and alive.

I knew then that, although I still wanted to be a woman and mother, I could not tolerate the thought of being in a marriage in which love and desire were absent.

At home, the panic started. My parents had spent £ 60,000 and hundreds of people expected a wedding. How can I abandon everyone? I felt trapped, anxious and sick.

Only four weeks before the big day I came up with an escape plan. We could have the great Indian ceremony, but not the legal wedding. That way my parents’ money would not be wasted – but when our relationship ended inevitably, I don’t have to go through the shame of a divorce.

To keep my head clear, I texted Rohan about not having the legal ceremony, instead of talking about it face-to-face. His answer was immediately: it was all or nothing. For a moment I felt a wave of relief. This was my way out. “In that case,” I wrote, “the wedding is eliminated.”

“What happened in Ibiza?” came the answer. I felt a wave of anger. I didn’t call off the wedding because of unfaithfulness. I had not cheated. I both saved us to make a big mistake and did not feel a regret or guilt.

But then I walk in my kitchen and see my family do with favors for a wedding that would not happen, I felt so anxious that I thought I would burst into tears. How would they react? Fortunately, as soon as they heard the words ‘the wedding is switched off’, I saw relief about their faces flashing. Mama gave me a big hug and said, “It doesn’t matter, you’re really brave.”

It lost money, the expectations of other people, none of it mattered. The only thing they gave was my happiness.

A few days later I received a long text message from Rohan, full of guilt and criticism. I did not answer and we never spoke again.

While my wedding date came and went, I felt the panic about my future turnout again. But this time, with the support of my family, I realized that the worst thing I could do was hurry in another relationship with the first man who was interested in marriage.

I had to find the person who was really suitable for me. So in the following months I went on dates with 85 men I met through apps. None of them was the one.

Until I met Matthew, a 32-year-old technical manager. I knew immediately that he was a great guy. Because I was with him, I realized that I didn’t even care. I just wanted to be with someone I loved and loved me.

We went together in April last year and were pleased to discover in December that I was pregnant. A month later Matthew introduced. I was wearing Uggs and leggings-honey Instagram but I didn’t care. This time I said ‘yes’ with my whole heart.

With the money that I would get back from selling mine and Rohan’s house, I reimbursed my parents and I still had enough to finance our wedding earlier this year. It only cost £ 10,000, it was not as lush as my earlier wedding plans, but was the better for it.

So for any other young woman who is considering hurrying in a relationship that she knows is not good because of the performances, or to touch a self -imposed deadline, I would say to put so much pressure on yourself and don’t ignore your doubts.

Walking away from something that is not good for you is not a disaster, regardless of your age or circumstances. For the wrong reasons, the biggest disaster is to marry the wrong person.

• The name of Rohan has changed.

As told to Kate Graham