My fiance, 27, refuses to have a vasectomy even though we have agreed not to have any more children. Should I cancel the wedding?
A bride-to-be has revealed she is about to call things off with her fiancé because he doesn’t want to get the haircut.
The woman went to the British parenting forum Mothernet to explain that she had already endured a grueling pregnancy and was unwilling to do so again.
The 27-year-old explained that she and her partner have agreed not to add any more children to their brood and want to prioritize the child they already share, but he is refusing to undergo a vasectomy because it is ‘too permanent’ a decision is.
The bride-to-be revealed that her partner’s decision worries her so much that she no longer wants to be intimate with him for fear she could get pregnant – and she asked other people if she should cancel the wedding.
In response, people argued that her future husband has every right to refuse a vasectomy because it is his body and therefore his choice.
The anonymous bride-to-be revealed to parenting forum, Mumsnet, that she was considering calling off her wedding because her fiancé wouldn’t get a vasectomy (stock image)
The bride-to-be explained that the couple decided they would no longer have children, citing financial and health reasons.
She said it was a relief to hear they were “on the same page” because her previous pregnancy and birth were so horrible.
“Without going into details, I had a horrible labor and pregnancy, and I have been told that if I have a second one I will be at increased risk of developing certain diseases,” she said.
The fiancée claimed that she was still feeling the after-effects of the pregnancy to this day.
The woman is convinced that she will not have any more children, but she is afraid that her husband-to-be will change his mind and choose to have a child with another woman.
She has eventually accepted that her body is “more like used goods” and that she will never return her former self.
The woman wrote: ‘I’m at peace with never having been there [in] same condition again.’
Although she and her partner have agreed to no more children, neither is willing to undergo a procedure that would make them infertile.
The bride-to-be argued that it is easier for her future husband to undergo a vasectomy than for her to undergo a tubal lawsuit.
She continued to pressure her husband-to-be about the procedure, emphasizing that birth control is not always completely effective.
Parents took the comments to heart to defend the husband-to-be, insisting to the anonymous woman that it was ‘his body, his choice’
But now the woman is confused as to why he won’t just undergo the procedure, if he really doesn’t want any more children, and worries that he may have changed his mind.
She feared: ‘I have a terrible feeling that he will secretly want children later, that we will get married. He will realize this and leave me for another woman.’
The woman had doubts about their five-year partnership and wondered whether she should call off their wedding altogether.
Mumsnet users took to the comments to defend the man in question, with some telling the bride-to-be that she couldn’t ‘dictate’ the choices someone else makes with their body.
One person said: ‘I’m usually all about men [a] vasectomy but 27 with one child is very young.’
Another said: ‘It’s a big decision, it’s his decision and he’s still very young to end his fertility so permanently.’
Others called her ‘completely unreasonable’, adding: ‘He’s very young, has one child and it’s his body.’
However, some people were more sympathetic to the bride’s position, with one saying he has ‘moved the goalposts’ in their relationship.
Some suggested that if she felt so strongly about not having any more children, she should undergo the procedure. They said: ‘If it means that much to you, you will have to sterilize yourself.’
While one user commented: ‘You can cancel your wedding for any reason.
“But if your goal is to somehow guilt him into a life-changing operation he doesn’t want, then you’re behaving despicably.”
Another was a little more sympathetic, saying that while it was his choice, it would also prevent her from getting married.
And one commenter said they were ‘surprised’ that so many people branded the bride-to-be as unreasonable.
“Yes, 27 is ‘young’, but you are in a serious relationship with children and have discussed this before and you are sure your partner’s views on this match yours,” she said.
‘Now he’s coming back – his choice of course, but it’s incredibly frustrating for you because you don’t want to expose your body to that risk – that’s your body too, your choice. As a loving partner, he wouldn’t want to put you in danger like that.
“You are the mother of his child, he needs to put you first on this, especially considering what you have given him, and presumably years of birth control on you.
‘A vasectomy is a MUCH simpler and less invasive procedure than female sterilization. If he can’t deal with this, I don’t think the relationship can last. That’s a shame, but he’s the one who changed the goalposts.’