My friend took his own life – the letter he sent me from outside the grave fulfilled me with anger
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A woman has revealed how she is left with conflicting feelings after her friend had left her a letter after taking her own life.
Elena Ricci, 29, from Birmingham Was destroyed when she lost her six -year -old partner, Chirag, 26, in July 2022.
Days after his death she received a letter in Chirag’s post – whom he had sent before he died – with 101 things she could do to help her live again.
50 of these were things they wanted to do today, while an extra 51 were what he had remembered that Elena was talking about – including climbing Kilimanjaro, painting her hair blonde, going on a date and falling in love again.
Initially, Elena was ‘angry’ on the letter and brought ‘life through life’ in the coming years to get through her grief.
But now, almost three years later, she has read the letter again and has now decided to try to complete the things that are set for her – to call her ‘yes -list’.
Elena, a maker of the content, said: “When I read it for the first time, I thought,” What the hell is this? “
‘In the beginning it was all anger and disbelief and it was daring to send me this. Now that I am going through it again, I still feel some anger, but I am grateful that he sent me that.
Elena Ricci from Birmingham felt ‘completely numb’ after losing her boyfriend in 2022
Elena Ricci and her six -year -old partner, Chirag – who let her a ‘yes -list’ with 101 things to do to help her learn to live again (shown together)
“He probably knew I wouldn’t want to live anymore. I learn again how to live. I called it my yes list. ‘
Elena said that Chirag’s letter was: ‘I am really sorry what I did, but we already had 50 things we wanted to do together – I hope you will still do them. I have added 50 things that I think you should do. ‘
Elena initially struggled to process her grief after she suddenly lost Chirag.
She said: ‘I felt completely numb. Every day felt like a dream for a while.
‘After the funeral I completely broke. It touched me, he was dead and never came back. I walked through life to sleep, I didn’t want to face my grief. ‘
It was not until January that Elena decided to read Chirag’s letter again – and saw that he had told her to get mourning therapy.
After a few sessions she started her loss and has now decided to slowly complete things on the list.
So far she has checked ‘enjoying her birthday’ and now wants to paint her hair blond and visit Stourhead, Wiltshire – where pride and prejudices were shot.
It was not until January of this year that Elena was able to read the letter again and to think about draining things
Chirag had sent Elena a letter in the post, but she only received it after his death
Elena is depicted with the running the 2025 London Marathon – one of the items on her bucket list
Elena started taking the task to enjoy her birthday on 11 May 2025 – go to the Ivy and the Yorkshire Dales with her friends, where they went for a walk and to the sauna.
She said: ‘I enjoyed it for the first time in two years. Doing my birthday was something that I did for other people, because they know how much I used to enjoy it. This year I did it myself. ‘
Some things on the list can take years to complete – such as buying a house – but Elena hopes to make his way through some of the more manageable.
Chirag also mentioned that he was going to Bali, climb Kilimanjaro and took a sabbatical.
Elena said some things on the list were things she had mentioned once ago and she was surprised that Chirag had remembered them.
She said: ‘I wanted to do something very big for the age of 30, such as going to Thailand. I called it when we first started dating. I don’t know how he remembered that.
“There was also Bungee Jumping – I called it a joke. I am terrified of heights. He has also set up “Go on a date” and “Fall in Love Again” – but that’s for years. ‘
Elena feels her therapy and the list has begun to give her more ups than downs’.
She says she has finally started to have started more ‘ups than downs’, but still can’t think of dating yet
Elena even managed to enjoy her birthday this year (photo) and visited the Yorkshire Dales with her friends
Speaking of chirag, she said: “He was the funniest person I’ve ever met. He was so nice. He was always ready to help others’
She hopes that the pronouncement of others will also go through sadness
She said: ‘Life looks very different – it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the life I have now. I don’t have to feel guilty about it.
“Feeling guilty does not bring people back from the dead.”
She also hopes that opening her mourning journey will help others through those similar circumstances.
She said: ‘We see death as a taboo. Everyone goes through it. It is so important to talk about it even if it makes people uncomfortable.
“The secret of it makes people unprepared to deal with it.”
Speaking of chirag, she said: “He was the funniest person I’ve ever met. He was so nice. He was always ready to help others. ‘
You can contact Samaritanen for free on 116 123, Mail them at jo@samaritans.org or visit www.samaritans.org to find your nearest branch.
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